


I Call A Truce

by apieformydean



Series: I Call a Truce - series [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Awkwardness, But whatever, Character Death, Coming Out, Explicit Language, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hate to Love, Homophobic Language, I'm sure this has been done before, M/M, Masturbation, Physical Abuse, Ryden, Sexting, Slow Build, Squads, Step-Brothers, ace!patrick, bullied!Ryan, group chats, jock!Brendon, petting, rated explicit for chapters 5 and 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:22:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 53,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7220368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apieformydean/pseuds/apieformydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I <em>despise</em> Brendon Urie!” Ryan tells his father, glaring at him angrily.</p><p>“Ross- you mean- I really hope it’s not George Ryan Ross, mom, please tell me it’s not,” Bren stutters, eyes widening.</p><p>aka in which Brendon and Ryan hate each other, but somehow their parents are dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> well hellooooo frens
> 
> this is an idea that came to me as i was crying over a ryden playlist on 8tracks because i'm trash  
> please don't hate me  
> i hope it'll be decent??  
> please enjoy!!

“What the _fuck_ did you just say?” Ryan manages to blurt out.

He had a surprisingly good day. He got a B on his Chemistry project he finished last night and he managed to avoid his bullies all day. He liked his outfit for the day and he easily skipped his last period. He thought it was an awesome day for a Thursday.

Until now.

“Ry, please, listen to me-” his father tries with a tired expression.

“No!” Ryan yells out, stepping away from his father. “You never told me you two even _dated_ before, what the fuck, dad?! Of all the women you ever dated, you have to bring _her_ here?!”

Of course he was happy his father was moving on. He needed some time to do so but Ryan was happy when he heard he dated ‘someone special’. His dad didn’t tell him the name, probably because he knew his son would track her down on the Internet.

“Grace Urie is a wonderful woman and the fact that you and her son don’t like each other-“

“I _despise_ Brendon Urie!” Ryan tells his father, glaring at him angrily. He runs a shaking hand through his hair and turns away. If it wasn’t his own room, he surely would have broken something by now.

This can’t be happening. It just can’t.

 

On the other end of the town, another 18-year-old boy is just about to be as upset as Ryan Ross is.

“What do you mean a dinner?” Brendon asks his mother with an alarmed expression. She’s only ever introduced his son to really important dates of her but she never even talked to him about this guy.

“Mr Ross and his son invited us for dinner in their home,” his mother tells him the news and smiles at her son. They are pretty close, for a long time it had been just the two of them. She knows Bren loves occasions like this, he loves making friends.

However, now Brendon’s mouth falls open.

“Ross- you mean- I really hope it’s not George Ryan Ross, mom, please tell me it’s not,” Bren stutters, eyes widening.

“Yes, do you know him?” his mom grins at him and Brendon knows he’s fucked. He’s never seen anything like that grin on his mother’s face in a long time.

“Not exactly that one _you_ do,” Bren mumbles, paying a bit more attention to his soup now. He never asked his mother who she was dating at the moment but he now knows he will never make that mistake again. He doesn’t want to go and have dinner with Ryan Ross. The guy hates his guts. Well, maybe Brendon has an idea why.

“Come on, it’ll be so much fun!” his mother nudges him in the arm over the small dining table. “He told me his son was just of your age.”

“Yeah, we know each other,” Brendon nods. He’s lost all his appetite to his soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here comes another chapter just to celebrate that i've actually written it without procastination yaay


	2. Of dinners and truces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sight of the boy for Ryan usually means trouble and being beaten up, and even that he knows for sure he won’t lay a hand on him tonight, it’s still unnerving to him.
> 
> Brendon doesn’t get him. Why can’t they pretend for just one night that they don’t hate each other? For their parents’ sake. He’s really making an effort here but it’s useless if Ryan will act so disturbingly.

When he hears the doorbell at 7:14 pm, Ryan’s stomach tightens. He’s standing in front of his mirror and tries to straighten his shirt. He decided to leave his bowtie in his drawer. He thinks his baby blue shirt and black skinnies are perfectly okay for the night. He already looks more decent than Brendon Urie deserves to see him.

“Ry, please come down,” he hears his father’s voice and he sighs. This is the last thing he planned for his Friday evening. Well, he didn’t exactly plan anything but this is the worst last-minute program he could imagine.

He takes a last glance at himself in the mirror – he can’t believe he’s going to show himself to Brendon _fucking_ Urie without eye-liner, but his father told him not to put on any – and walks out the door.

When he stops on the top of the stairs, he realises with a groan that Ms Urie and her son are already in their hall. He walks down as slowly as he can, praying to just fall down the stairs and break his neck and then he would never have to meet the Uries.

“Ah, come on, Ry,” his father looks at him over his shoulder when he hears him coming down the stairs and he’s smiling widely. Ryan would creep out if he didn’t know it’s because of Ms Urie. She is standing in the door, and Ryan has to admit she’s pretty. She is wearing a little purple dress and she must have been to the hairdresser’s because her chestnut hair is put up in perfect curls.

Brendon is standing next to her and Ryan’s stomach does a flip immediately. He has a white shirt on and similar skinnies to Ryan’s own, completed with his fake glasses. The sight of the boy for Ryan usually means trouble and being beaten up, and even that he knows for sure he won’t lay a hand on him tonight, it’s still unnerving to him. Brendon is taller than his mother and looks a bit nervous.

Wait. Brendon Urie, _nervous_? He tries to smile at Ryan but he’s having none of it.

“Pleasure to meet you,” he says instead, and from the look on his father’s face he can tell it didn’t sound too honest. Good. He wasn’t being honest anyway.

“So this is your son,” Grace Urie talks in a sweet voice and she _is_ genuine.

“George Ryan Ross III,” Ryan holds out a hand for her to shake and she does so. She smiles with her pink lips and huge brown eyes and Ryan thinks Brendon looks just like her.

“I’m pleased to meet you, George Jr,” Ms Urie asks. Brendon cracks up but covers his mouth, mumbling a ‘sorry’ immediately. Ryan gives him a death glare while his father corrects her – ‘he prefers Ryan, darling, but it’s okay’. He can’t believe he’s forced to have dinner with his bully. Life really isn’t fair, is it?

 

“And you must be Brendon.”

As Mr Ross says his name, Brendon looks up. He straightens himself and shakes hands with the man politely. He gives him a smile and Mr Ross is smiling back. With a side glance at Ryan, Brendon can tell the boy is already annoyed. He’s so strange to look at without his eye-liner and usual all-black clothes.

Whatever. Not that he cares about him.

“Come in, take a seat,” Mr Ross motions them toward the dining room and they do so. “The dinner should be ready in some minutes.”

“It smells lovely, George,” Grace Urie sits down opposite from Mr Ross, meaning Brendon has to face Ryan all night. Wonderful. The two of them sit down as well, Brendon keeping up his politeness. Ryan clearly doesn’t care about manners. He throws himself down on the chair and puts both elbows on the table.

“Thank you, darling, I’m making some Chicken Parmigiana Rollatini,” Mr Ross says proudly, with fake Italian accent and Brendon hears his mom giggle. He also sees Ryan rolling his eyes and drumming with his fingers on the table. Brendon doesn’t get him. Why can’t they pretend for just one night that they don’t hate each other? For their parents’ sake. He’s really making an effort here but it’s useless if Ryan will act so disturbingly.

“Oh, yes, I know you’re a wonderful cook,” Grace compliments, and Mr Ross beams again.

“Well, it doesn’t take that much,” he looks at his son modestly. “It can do wonders if you give your best,” there’s some metacommunication going on between the Rosses and Ryan sits up properly, arms crossed over his chest.

The oven chinks and Mr Ross is back on his feet, “It’s the chicken ready,” and with a smile he excuses himself to the kitchen.

 

There’s the three of them left in the dining room, silence settles in for a moment. Brendon is looking at Ryan who really tries to look anywhere else. God, why must he be so _shameless_? He’s upright staring and Ryan can’t take it anymore. He’s seriously considering standing up and leaving through the window, when Ms Urie talks.

“So, the two of you are classmates, Bren told me.”

“Oh, yeah, we are,” Ryan smiles at her, making sure only Brendon feels the edge in his voice.

“We’re not really close, though,” the Urie boy adds quickly, eyeing Ryan with an alarming glance.

“Yes, I haven’t really heard of you, Ryan,” Ms Urie nods, making sure she say the right forename now. “From Bren, I mean, not from your father. He likes talking about you, really. I hope you two will become good friends now that George and I are dating.”

Ryan opens a mouth to say something but he finds he can say nothing just laugh. He pretends to cough to compose himself, then clears his throat. Him and Brendon, good friends. The joke of the century.

Brendon, opposite from him, is biting in his lip and giving him that glare again but not saying anything. Well, well, well. Your mommy knows nothing of you bullying others, does she? It’s really tempting Ryan to just tell Ms Urie all about her sweet little boy but when his father returns, he says nothing.

“Bon Appetite,” Mr Ross comes out the door with four plates in his hands and on his arms and a wide smile on his face. He puts all of them down nicely, with a special care to Ms Urie’s plate.

“This looks fantastic, thank you very much,” she smiles with a sparkle in her eyes.

“You’re very welcome.”

They all start eating and Ryan is glad they don’t have to talk. Apart from some ‘Can you pass the sauce, please?’ and ‘I’ll bring some more water.’ the only thing they hear is the clinking of the silverware. It’s almost pleasant, apart from the fact that Brendon is still looking at Ryan, for whatever reason. Ryan, just for diversity, wants to punch him and ask him what the hell is wrong with him.

 

“The chicken is excellent, Mr Ross,” Brendon offers with a smile as he pours some more sauce on his meat. He really tries to ignore Ryan’s grumpiness but it seems impossible.

“Thank you, Brendon, and really, it’s George,” he nods, smiling back. Brendon likes being nice to his mother’s dates, and to adults in general. He knows how to get people like him. With his own classmates… well, it’s something else. The school has a hierarchy. He, somehow, managed to get on the top of it. He knows a fair number of people are afraid of him, but Ryan isn’t, is he? He hates him, that’s not the same.

“George,” Brendon repeats and goes back to his meal.

“And, how is school to you?” Grace Urie looks at Ryan as if she really wanted him to join the conversation. George Ross doesn’t even stop eating as he changes a look with his son.

“It’s-“ Ryan starts, glancing at Brendon. The Urie boy suddenly feels anxious. It’s not like Ryan is going to speak about him, is it? “It’s quite well, I’m doing okay in most of my classes,” he says instead and Brendon lets out a sigh he was holding back.

“What about you, Brendon?” George asks. “Your mom told me you liked music classes and gym. What a strange combination,” he says with a playful shake of his head.

“Yeah, I really like doing sports,” Bren admits. “I always had something to keep my- keep me occupied since very young age,” he corrects himself smoothly. “And music is really important for me. I play the guitar and sing.”

“Oh, Ry plays the guitar, too,” George Ross says happily. As Brendon turns to Ryan, he can see that the Ross boy clearly wants to crawl under the table. He’s unbelievable.

“Really?” Bren asks with a faux smile towards Ryan. He suddenly sees the chance to talk to him privately. “I’d _love_ to hear you play!”

Ryan grits his teeth and narrows his eyes at him. Brendon gives him a smirk.

“Well, after the dessert I’m sure you can,” Mr Ross nods and stands up, collecting the four plates. Brendon catches again as Ryan and his father share a glance. It’s so strange they communicate that way. Bren has no idea what they just told each other.

 

After the pudding that was ‘just perfect’, Ryan is making his way up to his bedroom, Brendon following him. The fact that his father made him give a tour to the Urie boy doesn’t mean he has to enjoy it. As they get to the door, Ryan opens it wide and walks in, not talking to Brendon at all as he grabs his guitar.

Brendon, however, closes his door behind themselves.

“What- why did you close it?” Ryan asks, eyes wide. He considers hitting Brendon with the guitar if he tries to hurt him. Then he realises he couldn’t. That instrument is his baby. He could never.

“Relax, Ross, I’m not going to hit you,” Brendon puts up his hands. He’s back to his usual voice and behaviour, the one Ryan knows from school. “I just want to talk.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ry steps back, leg bumping against his bed. “I know how you talk. How you and Pete and Bob _talk_.”

Brendon sigh and rolls his eyes, “God, stop fucking around and sit down,” and Ryan doesn’t know why but obeys. He falls on his bed, keeping his guitar in his hand, still suspicious.

“What now?”

“What the hell is wrong with you tonight?” Brendon asks him, arms crossed on his chest.

“What’s wrong- what’s wrong with _me_?” Ryan can’t believe his ears. “Have you heard yourself down there? You acted like some goody fucking two shoes-“

“Which I _am_. To my mom, at least,” Brendon cuts him off. “And this is her dinner, hers and your father’s and you keep ruining it.”

Ryan has no words for a moment. Then he starts laughing hysterically.

“Oh my _God_ , Brendon, do your minions know you’re such a mommy’s boy?” Ryan knows it’s an asshole thing to say, but fuck him. Fuck Brendon Urie. He deserves no better.

“Okay, shut up,” Brendon tells him but Ryan is hitting his own thigh and laughing with his mouth open. “Seriously, shut up!” Brendon steps in front of him and grabs Ryan’s shirt. The Ross boy stops laughing but grins at him.

“Oh, come on, you wouldn’t hurt the son of your mommy’s date in his own home, would you?” Ryan knows he’s right. Brendon lets him go and steps back.

“Alright, just stop being an ass and try to be happy that they are happy, okay?” Brendon asks with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, I _am_ happy,” Ryan hums and nods. “Having the boy who ruined my high school years in my house, making small talk with him, I’m in seventh heaven.”

“I haven’t ruined your years,” Brendon says automatically with a frown.

“The funny thing is, you don’t get to decide that, sweetie,” Ryan stands up and stand in front of him. Now that he knows for sure he has nothing to be afraid of, he becomes more and more brave.

“You know what?” Brendon offers, looking at Ryan in the eyes. “I call a truce. I’m sure they won’t be together for so long, we will manage to stop hating each other for some weeks, right?”

“You think?” Ryan snorts. “It’s been going on for _four fucking years_ , you think it’s that easy for me to be besties with you all of a sudden?”

“Not besties,” Brendon rolls his eyes, huffing. “Just not enemies. Let’s try it.”

“I’m not promising anything,” Ryan puts up his hands. He knows it will turn out interestingly.

He has no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i plan on updating on Thursdays from now on so stay tuned lovelies :3


	3. Of smiles and cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon offers him a small smile, just like he did on Friday when he and his mom were standing in his doorway. It’s barely a smile, but it’s there. Something Ryan knows he has to return. And he does.
> 
> “Hey, did you meet him today?” she calls after him. “I hope you’re getting along well.”  
> “I think we’ll manage,” Brendon nods in front of himself, actually believing his words for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is here, enjoy :3

“Bren, my man!” Pete Wentz waves at Brendon from the end of the school hall and despite being so small, the crowds lets him through as they realise who he is. He has smudged eyeliner in the corner of his eyes but his hair covers it anyways.

“Hey,” Brendon greets him with not too much enthusiasm, staring in his locker. He barely slept this weekend and he hates Monday mornings anyway. “What’s up?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask,” Pete eyes him carefully. “How was… _the_ date?”

Pete is the only one of Brendon’s friends he trusts enough to tell this kind of things to. In his life, it’s hard to tell who you can trust. Nobody else knows and this is the only way to prevent his dirty little secret from spreading like wildfire.

“Well, it was... surprising, in different ways,” Brendon admits. He looks around to make sure no one inappropriate is around. “George was okay, and I- I think mom really likes him,” he tells his friend quietly. “And Ryan was so strange. He wasn’t even himself.”

 

“I swear, guys, he wasn’t even a major asshole,” Ryan tells his friends, shaking his head. The three of them are sitting in the classroom for the first period, in the back as they usually do.

“Wow, it’s hard to imagine,” Mikey raises an amused eyebrow. He’s fairly new in the school but even he knows not to get in Brendon Urie’s way.

“I know, he wanted to make sure I don’t fuck up his mom’s night, so we- we kinda just try to stop hating each other now,” Ryan shrugs with grimace.

“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Patrick suggests. Ryan and him are friends for years now, Trick understands him even from half sentences.

“Well, the fact that he didn’t hit me at home doesn’t guarantee he won’t do it here,” Ryan vocalises his concern for the first time. He has been thinking about it for the past days. If he has learned anything this weekend, it’s that Brendon is pretty incalculable.

 

Gym. Third period. Brendon is running his laps around the school with Pete – who pays more attention to how the wind is affecting his hair – and Bob – sweating and giving sounds of a bull from exhaustion. His muscles are not made for running. They are _obviously_ made for hitting people.

“Look who the wind blew in,” Frank Iero grins, jogging up to them from nowhere and taking up their pace. He seems to have a nex piercing, in his nose now. He nods towards the group in front of them. Brendon’s gang has actually outran them by a lap. “Hey, losers, watch your steps!”

They reach them easily and that’s when Brendon realises who they are. Well, from their all-black gym clothes he could’ve guessed. Patrick Stump, the math boy, Tyler Joseph, the kid with some kind of mental illness, Mikey something, the new guy – who for whatever reason chose to hang out with them – and Ryan Ross. The latter just stares in front of himself as he runs, he either really tries to ignore them or prepares himself for the incoming punches.

Brendon sees the evil glimpse in Bob’s eyes. He know someone is about to be tripped.

“Don’t.”

It’s all he has to say. His three friends look at him amused, Bob’s mouth hanging open, and even Frank is speechless for a moment. Pete’s the only one who gets it but he says nothing.

“What-“ Bob starts, trying to understand what just happened. Brendon is usually just as glad to trip the nerds as he is.

“I said _don’t_ ,” Brendon tells him, and glancing at the other group, he catches Ryan staring at him with huge, eye-liner-rimmed whiskey eyes.

“I heard you,” Bob mumbles but doesn’t start a fight. That’s good enough for Brendon at the moment.

 

“And then they just passed us and didn’t even try to kill us!” Tyler explains it enthusiastically to his boyfriend over his lunch.

“Apparently, no one fucks with Brendon Urie,” Josh hums while pushing another forkful of his spaghetti into his mouth. He doesn’t notice how Ryan and Patrick look at each other for a moment.

Ryan wouldn’t have guessed Brendon wouldn’t pick on him today. Really, he had four periods with him so far, and nothing. On Friday, in his room, he knows he was too happy being equal with Brendon for the first time in four years to actually think his actions through. He physically stood up to him. Even Patrick and Mikey don’t know about that part.

Speaking of Mikey, he and Ray just join them at their usual table, in one far corner of the crowded and noisy cafeteria. They put down their trays filled with disgusting school food on the table with a bang.

“So, Ry, I’ve heard you’re capitulating with the enemy,” Ray sits next to him, his huge fro gloriously swimming around his head. Ryan gives Mikey a glare who just shrugs. “It’s okay, I won’t spill,” Ray talks quietly, making sure Ty and Josh don’t hear him. “But you’ll have to tell me _everything_ , man.”

“I will,” Ryan promises with a pained expression. He hopes Ray is the only one who knows it apart from the three of them.

Oh, _shit_. It only occurs to Ryan now that Brendon might have told people.

He peers around, looking for their table. They usually sit where they want to, not respecting anybody’s lunch. They’ve made Ryan’s gang move a fair amount of times, but today they decided on a table in the middle of the cafeteria.

In the meantime, Andy and Hayley arrive at their table, completing their group of friends. Ryan barely realises it, because looking over Patrick’s shoulder in front of him, he finds them.

There they are. Bob, Frank, Jamia, Spencer and Joe, all of them eating and laughing and teasing each other. Brendon is quite sitting in the middle of it all, Pete by his side. They are both strangely silent. The midget is taking careful looks at Ryan’s table, and they stare at each other for a moment before Pete goes back to his spaghetti. He knows, a small voice talks in Ryan’s mind. He hopes Pete’s the only one.

Brendon looks up, too, as if he senses somebody looking his way. They lock eyes. Ryan still feels creeped out at the sight of those dark brown irises but he has to admit they are pretty. It’s probably just the lights.

Brendon offers him a small smile, just like he did on Friday when he and his mom were standing in his doorway. It’s barely a smile, but it’s there. Something Ryan knows he has to return. And he does. Without knowing, he gives Brendon Urie a lopsided smile. They keep eye contact too long, and when Ryan finally looks away, at his plate, he feels a bit breathless.

What the hell was that?

 

“Is it you, Bren?” Brendon hears his mom from the kitchen as he closes the door behind himself.

“Yeah, me,” he replies, putting his bag down in the hall. The small house smells like cookies and the boy raises an eyebrow at that. “Hey, have you been baking?” he asks as he walks in the tiny lilac kitchen.

“Yes,” his mother smiles at him from the sink, motioning towards the kitchen table where two dozens of chocolate chip cookies are resting on a cooling rack. “Don’t they smell lovely?”

“They do,” Brendon frowns, taking one of them with caution. Grace Urie never bakes. It’s just not something she likes doing and Brendon is pretty used to it.

“George gave me a recipe and it’s so easy to make, you see, even _I_ could do it,” she chuckles, wiping her hand and taking a look at the oven. There must be another dozen, Brendon thinks.

“Why are you making so many of them?” Bren asks and takes a bite. The chocolate melts in his mouth and he hums. “Not that I’m complaining, though, it’s wonderful.”

“Thank you,” his mom grins at him as she takes out the baking pan with her duckling oven gloves. “I thought about sending some to George and Ryan.”

“By sending you mean…” Brendon grimaces, because he knows perfectly well what his mother means.

“I only meet George at the weekend so you could give them to Ryan tomorrow,” she finishes, not really paying attention to Brendon’s pained expression.

“He will be so happy,” Bren turns around to leave.

“Hey, did you meet him today?” she calls after him. “I hope you’re getting along well.”

“I think we’ll manage,” Brendon nods in front of himself, actually believing his words for the first time.

 

The next day, when Ryan arrives at his locker in the morning, he notices it’s open. He sighs. Guess that’s how long it took Brendon to make up his mind about keeping his dogs from bullying him.

He readies himself for a totally fucked-up locker when he opens the door of it wider, but to his surprise, it all seems to be in order. Even his rainbow magnet and his Queen poster are at their places. He finds a cardboard box, covered by his sweater and he opens it suspiciously.

It’s filled with chocolate chip cookies. It’s a pretty massive box for cookies, and when he closes it, he realizes a note written on its side.

_Mom baked these for you and your dad. I hope you’re happy to divest me of these little pieces of wonder. –B_

Ryan can’t help but grin at the note. Wow, much more kindness than he would have guessed.

Then he thinks about it. What if Brendon put something in them?

“Ry, what’s up?” Patrick voice calls from behind Ryan. He jumps a bit. He almost forgot there were people around him. He turns around, box still in his hands. “Wow, cookies, cool,” Trick grins and tries to grab one but Ryan dodges him.

“No, they are from _him_ ,” he emphasizes it.

“Who?”

So Ryan shows him the note. Patrick reads it and the shakes his head with a smirk.

“He wouldn’t.”

“What?” Ryan blinks at him. “Sure, because we are _friends_ now, aren’t we?”

“I think it would be a bit blunt for him,” Patrick says. “Come on, I can try it for you, so you see they are not poisoned.”

“No,” Ryan insists. He considers throwing them in the nearest trashcan. But what if they really are clean? He can’t let all of them go to waste. After a second of thinking, he says to Patrick, “I think I know what I’m gonna do. Let’s go.”

 

“Hey, Brendon,” The Urie boy looks up from his phone as he hears Ryan Ross’ voice calling his name. To say he’s surprised is an understatement. The hall is crowded, the first period hasn’t begun yet and Brendon is leaning against his locker, texting Pete to meet him there.

“What?” Brendon asks when Ryan and Patrick walk up to him. He’s sure they never spoke to him unless it was obligatory or started by Brendon. Ryan has his box of cookies in his hands and Patrick looks like he really wants to be anywhere else.

“Did you put these in my locker?” Ryan asks with a smirk that says he’s pretty fucking sure.

“Yeah, Pete opened it for me,” Brendon shrugs.

“Well, it was really a nice present, thanks,” Ryan is smiling now, but there’s something in his features Brendon doesn’t like. Something that doesn’t fit his pretty face. “I actually wanted to give you one to thank you.”

Brendon just blinks at them. Patrick gives a grimace, looking around as if he was afraid Brendon’s gang will suddenly appear out of nowhere. Ryan is holding out the box to him, clever smile still on his lips.

So he thinks Bren’s put something toxic in the cookies.

Great. He tries being kind, even writing a witty note on the box and that’s what he gets. Maybe it really won’t go that easily.

“Fine,” he sighs and takes the first cookie he sees from the box. He takes a bite and it’s just as delicious as it was yesterday. He chews on it slowly, watching as Ryan is staring at his lips, waiting for whatever reaction.

Brendon suddenly starts coughing. It starts as if he’s just clearing his throat, but it changes into heavy coughs. Brendon puts his hands on his throat, letting the remains of his cookie fall on the floor. He makes gagging sounds and sees Ryan’s horrified expression. Bren puts a hand on his shoulder to keep himself from falling and Ryan goes pale.

“What the fuck, Brendon!” he shoves the box at Patrick and puts his hands on Brendon’s cheeks. His eyes are wide and he clearly has no idea what to do now.

And Bren starts laughing.

Ryan’s expression changes into hateful in a moment when he realizes what’s going on.

“Asshole!” he’s glaring at Brendon with hate and shoves him in the chest.

“Thank you for the cookie, love,” Bren winks at him, giving him a hair ruffle. Ryan has no words, he turns pink in the cheeks and he just snatches the box from Patrick, turns around and storms away in the hall. The blond guy just follows him, trying to calm him down.

Brendon grins to himself. He sees Pete passing them by and looking back at the two boys as he makes his way to Bren.

“What was that?” he asks with a frown.

“Nothing serious,” Brendon shrugs but can’t repress his grin. Ryan Ross is such a dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god today i have oral matura exam of English and German and i haven't learned a thing  
> pray for me to Pete Wentz ples
> 
> update: i may have gotten 100% on my Enlish and 96% on my German exam i think i'm awesome thank


	4. Of revealed secrets and held-back ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan feels bad about them not knowing. He and Trick change a look, as they did so many times this week. Patrick is sure they should know and Ryan feels like he’s right. He just has no idea how to tell them.  
> “My dad is dating Brendon’s mother.”
> 
> Just a week ago, he though Ryan would bury him in the first hole he could find, but now, when they look at each other, the Ross boy doesn’t look away immediately with disgust or fear. And, when not grimacing, Brendon has to admit he has quite a nice face to look at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy lovelies here you are, i hope this was worth waiting for, and thank you for sticking around for this story, i really appreciate all of you sweet motherfuckers okay
> 
> so here we gooo

Thursday. History.

The classroom is running out of oxygen, the curtains are drawn and it’s becoming hotter and hotter in there. The teacher is talking in a too excited tone about the Second World War, and the class is basically just trying to survive. The ugly Power Point that he’s showing them about the leaders of the countries isn’t helping.

“Many did and still do believe, that Hitler was the Antichrist,” Mr Broden explains, and Ryan checks his phone. It’s still 20 minutes till the final bell. He lets his forehead fall on the desk.

“The _what_?” Joe Trohman asks, wincing at the presentation. I’m surrounded by idiots, Ryan thinks.

“The Antichrist. Doesn’t any of you go to church on Sundays?” Mr Broden takes a glance around, looking actually surprised by the lack of enthusiasm. He’s like he lives in his own head, not minding what the world is up to.

“The Antichrist is basically the representation of all bad and evil in the Bible, his symbol is the inverted cross,” Josh reacts, because _he_ used to go to church when he was younger. Ryan can’t imagine why anybody would enjoy that.

“Really good, Mr Dun,” Mr Broden nods and smiles at him. Frank is fake-coughing ‘nerd’ just in front of Ryan, and Pete and Joe are laughing at it loudly. Brendon, however, doesn’t say a thing.

“No wonder why that’s a he,” Hayley mumbles to Andy, taking a telling look at Spencer and Bob just a few desks away from them, the latter, probably trying but failing to subtly eat a huge hamburger and he looks like an actual hog.

“It’s not like the Antichrist must be a male, you know,” the teacher corrects her. “Yes, most of the time it’s pictured as a man, but for example in the Bible, the Whore of Babylon is mentioned as an Antichrist.”

The class, despite the fact they should be mature 18-year-olds, all start laughing. Mr Broden has a confused look on his face.

“Oh, Williams,” Jamia Nestor yells over the crowd, from a desk in the front of the classroom. She’s basically lying on Frank, who doesn’t really seem to care. “Never thought you were in the Bible.”

Hayley just grimaces at her, but Ryan sees Andy’s ready to stop the pink haired girl if she wants to jump on Jamia.

“Relax, _bear_ , nobody wants to start a fight,” Spencer laughs at him. Bob and Frank howl in laughter and the other bullies enjoy themselves too much.

“Okay, guys, it’s enough,” Brendon tells them quietly.

The class becomes silent. They all look at Brendon as if he said the sky was green. Ryan’s friends just look at each other in disbelief. They have no idea, Ryan thinks. Except for Ray and Mikey obviously, who eye him from the desk next to him. Patrick is doing it as well. Ryan shrugs. It surprises him just as much as them. Brendon is looking down on his book firmly, and Ryan almost feels sympathetic towards him. Almost.

Breaking the silence, Mr Broden talks with a forced smile, “Now, I hope we can go on with the lesson.”

 

Brendon is lying on his bed, facing the ceiling. He’s thinking. Funny how some say he must have no brain because he’s popular and he has a lot of friends. Well, more like acquaintances, he would say. He wouldn’t call Bob or Joe his _friends_. They are near him because it’s convenient for them. Brendon could say the same.

But he, in fact, _has_ a brain. And he actually likes to use it.

He’s thinking about his day. He likes to do so, lying back and just running over the whole thing again.

It was pretty unusual. Most of his ‘friends’ avoided him all day, after the happenings of the last period, except Pete and Frank. The three of them tried to go on with the day as if it wasn’t totally abnormal. Frank knew nothing, he basically was with them because Jamia started to become too touchy again. But Pete knew and it made the situation a bit easier for Brendon.

He turns to his side, looking out of his small window. The grey clouds almost completely block out the colour of the sky. He sees a car passing on the road silently and he wonders where it’s going.

He needs to think about Ryan, too. The boy seems to slowly become neutral in connection with him, which is basically the best thing he can hope for. Just a week ago, he though Ryan would bury him in the first hole he could find, but now, when they look at each other, the Ross boy doesn’t look away immediately with disgust or fear. And, when not grimacing, Brendon has to admit he has quite a nice face to look at.

But is he worth all the shit he’s currently going through? Because Brendon really wants to change. The role he’s playing in the school hierarchy is something he used to enjoy. Well, maybe teasing the nerds and taking away their lunch money gets old after a while. Who knew?

Did he really ruin his years? Was he that much of a fucker? Is this now his way of saying sorry?

Brendon’s phone buzzes next to him on his bedside table. He takes it and smiles as he sees who the message came from.

_18:29_

_From: D <3_

_Just got home, shitty day. Miss you a lot. Come over tonight? ;)_

Brendon types out a reply and gets up from his bed. He pockets his phone, puts on his chucks and walks to the front door.

“Mom, I’ll be over at Sarah’s, don’t wait for me, okay?” he yells, and after his mom answers with something about protection, he just laughs, wishes her a good night and leaves.

 

“Can you believe that we survived the week without getting beaten up _once_?” Tyler asks with a smile from where he’s sitting on the bed with Josh. It’s Friday afternoon, and Ryan’s gang is hanging out in his bedroom. They usually stay there for the afternoons; Ryan’s dad doesn’t mind.

The room is huge and homey, with a TV in one corner, a wardrobe in the other, Ryan’s queen sized bed lies from across the door. The walls are covered with posters and the window is looking at the street, you can almost see the school from there. Not that anybody is interested in that part.

“We were pretty close once or twice,” Andy adds from in front of the TV, glancing at Hayley. He, Mikey and Ray are playing Mario Cart.

“It’s not my fault Nestor is a bitch,” Hayley huffs at him. She’s sitting on the windowsill, smartphone in her hand. Ryan is sitting at his desk, chair turned towards the others and Patrick is seated by his feet. They are talking quietly, but keeping an ear on the other’s conversation, too.

“I’ve heard something happened on Math,” Ryan prompts, because he decided to ditch that class. He didn’t need another period with Brendon Urie’s clique.

“Yeah, Frank and Bryar kept on laughing at everything Tyler said and Brendon stopped them. They didn’t really listen to him and started teasing Mikey about some shit and Pete Wentz told them to fuck off,” Ray replies with not too much enthusiasm. He’s more interested in Mario Cart at the moment.

“Wow, the little emo has a heart,” Josh chuckles. He and Hayley didn’t go to the same Math class as the rest of them, so they didn’t know about it either.

“That’s an exaggeration,” Mikey frowns at the TV. Ryan is not sure whether it’s because of Andy winning this round or because of Pete.

“What the hell is with Brendon anyway?” Hayley asks, not looking up from her phone. “He’s like a total lunatic nowadays. Acts as if he was the fucking patron saint of nerds.”

“From being the worst kid in the class,” Tyler observes. He has his hand on Josh’s leg, and Ryan swears to throw them out if they try anything on his bed.

“Who knows,” Andy shrugs.

Ryan feels bad about them not knowing. He and Trick change a look, as they did so many times this week. Patrick is sure they should know and Ryan feels like he’s right. He just has no idea _how_ to tell them.

“My dad is dating Brendon’s mother.”

Maybe that’s not the smoothest way to share the news, but it clearly has the effect. Everybody in the room stops what they’re doing, even Hayley does, and stare at Ryan with a bewildered and horrified expression. Andy starts to chuckle, Mario Cart long forgotten, and Ray turns to him with a confused look.

“What?” Andy asks, smile slowly fading. “That was a joke, right?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Ryan shakes his head, not sure where he should look. He can feel Patrick’s frustration from next to him. Nobody talks for another few seconds, then Hayley clears her throat.

“That’s… that was unexpected.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryan grimaces. “You can imagine how I felt when he and his mom appeared on our porch.”

“No way!” Josh sits up straighter, eyes widening.

“Yes Way,” Mikey deadpans.

“Dad invited them over for dinner last week,” Ryan explains. “It was so awkward, and Brendon told me to stop hating each other so dad and Ms Urie can be happy for the time they’re dating.”

“So that’s it?” Ray asks. He was probably waiting for something more dramatic but that’s all Ryan has for him.

“Yeah.”

“Wait,” Tyler says, eyes narrowed. “How many of you knew it?”

“I did,” Patrick confesses immediately.

“Me too,” Mikey says.

“I knew like the half of it,” Ray shrugs.

“Also, I’m pretty sure Wentz knows,” Ryan adds.

“Okay, now I feel totally left out, thanks,” Josh nods, expression a bit hurt.

“It’s not something I’d like to talk much about, okay?” Ryan says in defence of himself. “If Brendon didn’t try so hard to get on my good side, I wouldn’t even care.”

He’s still not sure why the Urie boy is doing it, but if it means all his friends are safe from the bullies, he won’t complain.

 

“Bren,” Pete calls his name from his car when he gets out of the school. Brendon looks up and walks to him with an annoyed sigh, although he really doesn’t want to. He hoped Pete would just leave him there if it took him more than half an hour to leave the school after the last period.

They’ve been avoiding each other since Math in second period. “We need to talk,” Pete tells him and nods towards the seat next to him. Brendon gets in silently, dropping his bag to his feet and fastening his seatbelt.

“Look, I know what it’s about,” Bren tries to cut it short. “And I don’t want to start a fight over it.”

“Well, _you_ don’t,” Pete looks over his shoulder, making his way out of the school parking lot and on the road.

“What do you mean?”

“The others,” he explains, not looking at Brendon in the eye but looking at the road and starting on the way home. “They are so fucking confused, you don’t talk to them and I try to change the subject every time it’s about you and your new behaviour-“

“My new- look,” Brendon sighs. “I’m perfectly okay, I have no ‘new behaviour’. And anyway, it’s none of their business,” he exclaims firmly. He’s really avoiding them this week. He just doesn’t want to talk about how his views changed on some things.

 “But it _is_ their business,” Pete insists, eyeing the rear-view. “You made us look like a bunch of idiots in front of Ross’ gang,” he grumbles. “And- okay, look, I know why you’re doing it and I stand by you, but the guys don’t know, right? You should talk to them, they would- well…”

“They would what?” Brendon narrows his eyes at him. “ _Understand me_? My motives and ‘new behaviour’? Thank you for helping me out in Math, but the last thing I want is them assuming things.”

“Don’t give out all this shit on me, man,” Pete puts up a hand and raises his eyebrows. “What I’m saying is, you need to do something. The guys are impatient, especially Bob…”

“I don’t give two fucks about Bob.”

“But you’re losing your _status_ , Bren, don’t you fucking understand?” Pete asks, gritting his teeth and giving the steering wheel a hit with his fist.

“Maybe I don’t care about that either,” Brendon knows Pete’s boundaries are near. It’s annoying him that the midget thinks he knows everything about him.

“What happened to you, dude?” Pete asks, and for the first time, he looks at Bren in the eye. “You’re not even yourself this week.”

“I don’t know, I try being less asshole-y to Ross and his gang, is it that bad?” Brendon raises and eyebrow and decides to stare out of the windshield.

“But why?”

“Because…” Bren can’t finish his sentence. He could tell Pete about the scene in Ryan’s bedroom, or about the cookies or anything, but frankly, Pete seems to try and keep a distance from him this week.

“Oh, no,” Pete mumbles, eyeing the road with a tired expression.

“What?”

“Please tell me you don’t have a crush on him.”

“What the fuck?” Brendon asks, letting out an amused huff, smiling in disbelief. A small knot appears in his stomach. “Of course not, why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, I just-“

“I have Sarah, I’m not gay, get it?” Brendon cuts him off. He tries to act as if he was more hurt than anything, covering up his fear. “And fucking _Ross_? Come on, man, I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Sorry, you’re right,” Pete shakes his head and doesn’t say anything else.

In some seconds, they reach Bren’s house. He gets out of the car and waves at Pete as he drives away, a puzzled expression still on his face.

Well, Brendon is fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oo shit Brendon has some secrets i can't wait for you to read the next chapterrr


	5. Of blond stoners and lonely lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Aren’t you freezing, little thing?” he asks and Ryan is actually surprised at how low his voice is. It’s like a warm blanket. Or maybe he’s just really cold.
> 
> Brendon puts on some loud music on his iPod and puts it on the speakers before laying down on his bed. He reads the reply.  
>  _You know how it goes. I need these plus lectures to pass._  
>  **Guess I’ll just have to entertain you from here then.**  
>  _Sound like a deal to me ;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is rated explicit for the sexting and jerking off, if you'd like to skip that part (wHY WOULD U DO THAT) don't read Brendon's part from  
> "George is here to pick me up..."  
> to  
> "He has no idea what he's afraid of..."  
> (it's kinda important because of the character development, but see the notes in the end for spoilers if you don't read it)  
> have funnn

Despite being night in the middle of October, ‘it’s not that chilly’. It’s not fucking chilly, they said. And they were right. It really isn’t _chilly_. It’s freezing.

Okay, okay, Ryan’s not going to whine all night. It could be worse.

Well, okay, no, Ryan is fucking freezing.

“You told me I won’t be cold,” he mumbles grumpily at Patrick and Mikey who somehow both managed to take sweaters with them. The three of them are sitting in the park, on a lived-down bench, underneath some huge ass trees.

“You want some?” Mikey hands Ryan the bottle of whiskey with a blank expression. Too bad Ryan knows perfectly well he’s dying of laughter inside.

“Yes, _please_ ,” he yanks the bottle away from Mikey’s hand and takes a swig of it. It’s burning his mouth and he maybe took a bit too much for one drink but he swallows it anyway.

“I’d like to remind you we bought it _together_ ,” Patrick holds up a finger and clumsily tries to snatch the bottle from Ryan but the other boy is faster than him.

“Oh, come on, Trick, you had more than enough,” Ryan pushes his hand away. Patrick took like two and a half sips but it’s about all he can take. Mikey, however, seems unaffected after half a bottle. Or maybe he’s just really good at hiding it. “And anyway, I’m the one left here in a single Beatles shirt, that’s the least you can give me.”

“Not our fault you’re a prissy,” Patrick hiccups and Mikey chuckles at it.

“You know the party is killing when you hear Trick cursing.”

Ryan rolls his eyes and drinks again. He hates to admit it, but he’s just as much of a lightweight as Patrick. He feels his cheeks heat up. He shuts his eyes close for a moment, and when he opens it, he sees two boys approaching them. They seem older than them, one of them is really tall and the other has flaming red hair.

“Gee,” Mikey greets the redhead with a wave and as they actually stand in front of them, Ryan sees they are both really cute.

“Hello hello, Mikes and his friends,” Gee smiles at them, shaking hands with both Ryan and Patrick. The tall guy with sand-fair hair does so as well and Ryan sees he has beautiful blue eyes.

“They’re Patrick and Ryan, this is my brother Gerard and his friend Dan,” Mikey introduces them. Ryan mentally winces. He wouldn’t start on someone who came out of the same vagina as Mikey Way.

“Classmates, right?” Gerard asks and they both nod. “Senior year. Ah, memories,” he wipes his eye with his free hand dramatically – the other is holding a beer –, then he and Dan start laughing loudly. “Just kidding. It was hell. Shit, I’m glad I got out alive.”

“Sounds really encouraging, thanks,” Ryan grins at them, and he sees Dan looking at him up and down with a smile. He has a joint in his hand and an interested look on his face.

“Aren’t you freezing, little thing?” he asks and Ryan is actually surprised at how low his voice is. It’s like a warm blanket. Or maybe he’s just really cold. He’s also a bit slow, surely because of the joint.

“I am,” Ryan laughs and takes a sip from the whiskey, smaller this time. When he takes the bottle away from his mouth, he’s facing a huge black coat.

“Put this on,” Dan offers him and Ryan just blinks up at him. He has rosy cheeks and a playful glimpse in his eyes.

“No, you’ll catch a cold,” Ryan shakes his head.

“You really aren’t one to talk,” Dan smiles at him and looks at him in the eye. Something makes Ryan catch his breath. “I have my sweater, I’ll be okay. Come on, take it.”

Gerard behind Dan tries to hide his huge smirk behind his beer bottle. Ryan takes a side glance at Mikey and Patrick, the latter grinning at the two of them without trying to cover it. Ryan finally takes the coat and puts it on. It instantly starts to warm him up and it smells like deodorant and smoke. It’s strangely endearing.

“Alright, Romeo, we have to go, I have a guy waiting for me, and you’re high,” Gee takes Dan’s hand and tries to pull him away from the blushing Ryan and his friends. “It was nice meeting you, guys, Mikey, be at home by ten!”

“You’re not my mother!” Mikey calls after him.

“Wait!” Ryan stands up when they’re several steps away from them. He wants to walk but he maybe had a bit more whiskey in one sit than he should’ve had. “How will I give you the coat back?”

Dan turns and winks at him, well, Ryan thinks so, he can’t really see it in the shitty lights. He just assumes he winked. “You’ll find a way.”

 

“George is here to pick me up, sweetie,” Brendon doesn’t even look up as he hears his mom entering the kitchen for one last encouraging compliment from her son. George Ross is taking her to some kind of restaurant tonight and it was Brendon who did her hair again.

“You look awesome, mom, he won’t be able to keep it in his pants,” Bren tells her indifferently as he continues scrolling down his dashboard.

“Stop it, you’re being disrespectful,” she smacks him on the arm but gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Brendon calls after her as she opens the front door.

“Be a good boy,” she tells him and closes the door behind herself.

“I always am,” Bren mumbles to himself. He listens for a moment before he’s sure his mom is gone. Then, he opens his texts and reads the newest one he got just a minute ago.

_She’s gone?_

He types a reply as he walks to his bedroom.

**Yeah. You sure you can’t come over?**

Brendon puts on some loud music on his iPod and puts it on the speakers before laying down on his bed. He reads the reply.

_You know how it goes. I need these plus lectures to pass._

**Guess I’ll just have to entertain you from here then.**

_Sound like a deal to me ;)_

**Still wish you were here tho :(**

_I know, fucking you in your own bed is definitely on my list ;)_

Brendon smiles as he reads it. He decides to take off his pants after he types out a reply.

**You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you? Fuck, all the times I jerked off here thinking about you…**

_Damn Bren I’ll have a boner in class_

**Yes, I want your prof to know what a dirty bastard you are, sexting your boyfriend in class ;)**

_Jesus if I were w you rn I would have you on your knees ;)_

**I’d love to suck you off you’re so vocal when I do that**

Brendon grins as he slowly caresses his stomach in lazy circles, inching south with each round. He reaches his pubic hair and slips his fingers on his balls, playing with them as he reads the next text.

_Id pull your hair and push u down on me as deep as u can take it_

**You know I can take you all the way ;)**

_Guess then I’ll have to lay u down on the bed spread u and rim u to get rid of your clever comments ;))_

Bren bites in his lower lip, taking hold of the base of his hardening cock. He starts caressing it with his thumb and he feels a familiar warmness pool in his guts.

**Yes I want that, I love your tongue**

_I know u do baby I’d rim u till I find your sweet spot and make u moan for me ;)_

He smiles and opens the drawer of his bedside table with his free hand, taking out his bottle of lube. He pops the bottle open in a practiced way and pours some in his other palm. He slickens up his fingers and places them on his hole, throwing the bottle on the floor.

**Fingering myself atm I want u so bad ;)**

_I bet u do, I need u to ride me sometime this week cuz now im touching myself under the desk and im gonna be in major shit if I get caught_

**Take a bit of risk for your boy  
**

_You sound like a crushing schoolgirl… but im not complainin ;)_

Crushing… the word gives a bit of flashback for Brendon about his discussion with Pete the other day. He was talking about Ryan- no, Brendon shakes his head. Ryan Ross is the last thing he wants to think of while jerking off.

To take his mind off of Ryan, he pushes two fingers in himself at once and he gasps out. It definitely makes him forget things. As he gets used to it, he types a reply.

**I’m two fingers in what do u want me to do**

_Gosh scissor them and add a 3rd one_

_I want 2 see you so bad_

Brendon does as he was told to. He wiggles his fingers, and as soon as he feels like he’s ready to do it, he pushes his index finger in as well. His other hand grips the phone so hard his fingertips go completely white. When he can move his fingers in and out, he positions himself so he can take a picture of his ass. It’s not the best photo ever but it does justice. He taps ‘Send’.

**Not quite as thick as urs ;)**

_Jesus fuck Bren warn me before u send 1 next time holy fuck ur beautiful_

**You wanted to see me didn’t you?**

_I did omfg im gonna cum in my jeans_

**No not yet tell me how youd fuck me first**

_Anything for you baby_

_Id put ur legs on my shoulders and pin ur wrists to the mattress and pound in u_

Brendon closes his eyes for a moment and curls his fingers inside himself, keeping back his breath. Then he pulls out his fingers halfway before pushing them back in roughly. It feels so amazing. He opens his eyes to type.

**God go on**

_Id bite ur neck and sink my nails in ur wrists and suck a hickey on ur neck_

He opens his mouth and groans, pulling his fingers out and jerking his hard cock now, feeling pleasure filling his veins. He barely sees the phone as he types.

**Omfg Dallon im gonna come**

_Cum on urself with my name on ur lips babe_

Brendon fastens up the pumping on his dick, he puts his phone next to himself on the bed as he takes his slick cock in one hand while fingering himself with the other. He’s used to images popping up behind his eyelids as he does so and now he sees Dallon fucking him, face sweaty and flushed as he’s lost in pleasure. Now he sees his boyfriend as he sucks him off, eyes closed and pretty lips wrapped around his cock and he moves his hand even faster.

And somehow, the image in front of him changes as Brendon feels himself getting closer and closer to his orgasm. The figure between his legs first seems to have longer and curlier hair than Dallon. Then he looks a bit smaller, too, and just a moment before coming Brendon sees a pair of eye-liner-rimmed whiskey eyes staring up at him.

He comes with a yell, which is not really a name but more than a simple yell. He feels cum dripping on his hand and stomach and pubic hair as white light fills his vision. He jerks himself through it and the pushes of his fingers slow down eventually. He’s breathing heavily and doesn’t dare to open his eyes.

He has no idea what he’s afraid of but he suspects he won’t make it go away by just closing his eyes.

 

“Howdy, howdy, Ry and Moikey,” Ray greets them, walking up to them. It’s Monday morning and they’re sitting in a windowsill on the second floor where their next period will be. There’re not too many people around and it makes it easier for Ryan to speak to Mikey.

“Hey, Ray, if you offered a girl your coat when she’s cold meaning you’ll probably be cold after you did so, would it mean you want to bang her?” Mikey speaks indifferently and Ryan punches him in the arm. Mikey just gives him a mocking smile and looks back at Ray, waiting for an answer.

“No, you don’t have to answer,” Ryan cuts him off before he can say anything. Mikey is such an ass. You’d think the quiet kid wouldn’t tell your secrets to people, but apparently, Mikey can’t keep his mouth shut in front of Ray.

“Well?” Mikey asks him, ignoring Ryan.

“I- I guess it depends,” Ray frowns. “If I know the girl, it doesn’t really mean I instantly want _that_ ,” he muses. Ryan hopes a bit he’ll stop here but of fucking course he won’t. “If I don’t know her, well, it probably does.”

“Told you,” Mikey nudges Ryan in the arm who just waves his hand away from him.

“Okay, but it must work in some other way for hot gay guys, right?” Ryan says the first arguments he can think of. “And he was _high_ , he probably didn’t even know what he was-“

“Oh, Dan is always high,” Mikey tells him, as if it would reassure Ryan.

“What- guys, where have you been this weekend?” Ray asks them, looking from one boy to the other. “And you haven’t called me. _Again_.”

“We thought you were too busy fucking your girlfriend these days to join us,” Mikey looks at him with eyes that sparkle for drama and Ray knows that.

“You’re right, I was,” he says simply and turns around, waking away, towards the classroom where their next period will take place. Ryan and Mikey watch him go for some moments before Ryan speaks.

“You really think I should call him?”

“He looked like he was really interested,” Mikey shrugs. “Your decision. I have his number if you want it. It’s your big chance to finally get laid.”

“Shut up, fucker,” Ryan pushes Mikey to the ground, who lands delicately on his feet. Ry follows him and they walk to the classroom.

Dan was really cute. He had a boyish smile and fluffy blond hair and Ryan would have never though he would have a chance with a guy like him. What is holding him back now? He’s probably just anxious about this whole thing. But he’ll have to give the coat back somehow. Well, he could just give it to Mikey. Yeah. And look like a total chicken. Plus, it would be a really asshole-ish rejection. He doesn’t want to be that guy.

He stop in the doorway of the classroom and sighs.

“Okay, give me his number,” he tells Mikey before he could think about it twice. Mikey just smiles his too-clever smile and it will drive Ryan up the wall one of these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER:  
> Brendon is dating Dallon, who is some years older than him  
> his friends don't know, not even Pete  
> and Bren bottoms oops
> 
> things are getting complicated aren't they?
> 
> alsO I KNOW I WRITE SHITTY SMUT BUT YOU GET THE IDEA  
> PLES FORGIVE ME IM TRYING


	6. Of collapsing worlds and cheesy lovesongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We met once and talked on the phone another time, that’s it.”  
> “Yeah, but you’ll _meet_ him this weekend,” Patrick wiggles his eyebrows. Yeah. Ryan is thinking about it ever since he arranged the date with- no, it’s totally not a _date_ ; Ryan doesn’t even know how to do those.
> 
> “And didn’t you think about me? What am _I_ gonna do without you for weeks?!” Brendon is panicking now, he knows it’s really not something Dallon wants to hear from him but he can’t help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because my workplace is horrible, i have a day off today and on Friday, not on Thursday this week  
> so i wanted to give you this chapter now yaay

Tuesday. Lunchtime.

Brendon’s gang is sitting at the mathletes’ table today, talking about the shit they usually do, teasing Jamia and Frank about their ‘not-relationship’, telling Joe to get his hair cut, or asking Spencer if he found a new band already.

 _Brendon_ , however, is sitting at a completely different table, and nobody cares about him. He didn’t feel like sitting with those douchebags today. It’s not like he couldn’t if he wanted to. He just doesn’t want to. That’s it.

Pete arrives late in the cafeteria, and he looks puzzled when he sees Bren not sitting with his squad. After a moment of thinking he makes his way to Brendon and sits down from across him with a questioning look.

“Hey,” he greets Bren who looks up from his cold and dry sandwich.

“Hi.”

There’s a pause. Brendon doesn’t want to talk. Pete obviously does.

“So?” he asks eventually, glancing at the other table. They seem to have fun. It’s only Frank who takes a look at Pete but he doesn’t say anything.

“So what?” Brendon asks neutrally.

“Don’t you find this ridiculous?” Pete looks at him with a frown.

“I don’t want to eat with them,” Bren shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich. It really is dry and he doesn’t have an appetite anyway.

“But you’ll need to sort this one out someday, you know,” Pete reminds him, as if he really needed a reminder. He didn’t.

Monday was a nightmare. He got ignored maybe more than ever, it was like a mutual agreement under the gang members, to ignore the Urie kid and not talk to him. Give him one word answers and look at him like a traitor.

Today, it only got worse.

“They don’t really look like they want to hear anything I have to say,” Brendon tells Pete, keeping the eye contact.

“Why are you doing this, Bren?” Pete looks at him with almost pleading eyes. “If it’s some kind of charity thing-“

“Being a decent human being is _not_ charity,” Brendon states, narrowing his eyes. He hasn’t ruined Ryan’s high school years, he _hasn’t_. “When did you become like this anyway, Pete? I’ve known you for like ten years and you weren’t like this then. What happened?”

“You,” Pete replies, kind of sadly.

“That’s bullshit,” Bren shrugs it off. Pete likes to be dramatic.

“Why do you only recognise douchebags around yourself when you suddenly feel like not acting as one?” Pete asks quietly, glaring at Brendon with an expression that says he’s really sorry this conversation turned out this way.

Bren just looks like he’s done with talking anyway. He stuffs some more sandwich into his mouth and looks away. Pete huffs and reaches for his bag, but stops when he grabs it. Bren knows he’s not going to go and sit with the others. And he’s right. Pete shakes his head and exhales slowly, staying in where he’s seated.

Not like Brendon cares. It was time somebody of their gang realised how unbelievably wrong it was, bullying Ryan.

Ryan _’s gang_.

Whatever.

 

“It was nothing special,” at the other end of the cafeteria, Ryan shrugs. He acts as if he were neutral about the whole thing, even a bit annoyed by being in the centre of attention, but really, he’s excited to talk about it.

“Stop fucking around, Ross and tell us about him,” Hayley flips him on the arm and sits closer to him. She’s basically living for the gossip and she loves shipping her friends with pretty people. Or with each other. Andy is sitting next to her silently, but Ryan knows he’s following the conversation.

“But it was really nothing,” he teases the others and he can see Patrick’s grin widen across from him.

“Dan gave him his coat because he was cold, and eye-fucked him while doing so,” the fedora boy tells the others and Ryan shakes his head. Try to keep a secret in this squad.

“So that’s what you’ve been talking about yesterday!” Ray exclaims like he only gets it now. He probably does. Ray can be really slow. Not like he’s dumb or something, he’s just a bit lost in his own world sometimes.

“But who’s this guy?” Josh asks and he doesn’t really look enthusiastic. Tyler is sitting next to him and Josh’s hand is under the table and Ryan tries hard not to look at them.

“A friend of Mikey’s brother,” Ryan replies. He’s looking down at his salad and he can’t stop thinking about his voice. He called him yesterday evening after freaking out twice to Mikey about the fact he was actually doing it. Then he did it. They talked about the coat, obviously, but there was a second meaning behind every word and Ryan knew Dan was smiling while they were talking.

“And you two will fuck now or?” Tyler grins lazily at Ryan who just rolls his eyes but feels himself blushing a bit.

“An older guy, huh,” Hayley is smiling smugly as well. “Sounds fun. He’ll surely teach you one or two things-“

“Guys, come on,” Ryan whines. This is why he didn’t really want to tell them about Dan. “We met once and talked on the phone another time, that’s it.”

“Yeah, but you’ll _meet_ him this weekend,” Patrick wiggles his eyebrows. Yeah. Ryan is thinking about it ever since he arranged the date with- no, it’s totally not a _date_ ; Ryan doesn’t even know how to do those.

“Oh my god, our smol son is getting laid finally,” Josh smiles at him a motherly smile and Tyler giggles. Ryan is not aware when he became their son but he’s not okay with it in the slightest.

“Hey guys, sorry for being late,” Mikey touches Ryan’s back and he looks up at him. Mikey has a concerned look on his face, not like the usual bitchface he prefers, but he looks genuinely puzzled about something. “Did I miss something?”

“Yeah, your friend will fuck Ry,” Ray shrugs nonchalantly.

“Who?” Mikey asks absentmindedly as he sits down between Ryan and Ray. He looks around as if he was looking for someone.

“Dan,” Hayley replies, happy to know something new.

“Oh, yeah, what’s up with the coat?” he asks and he spots something or someone in the cafeteria before quickly returning to his gang.

“They have a rendezvous this weekend,” Patrick supplies and Ryan sighs.

“Please stop them, Mikes,” he looks at him with pleading eyes but Mikey doesn’t meet his gaze. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“What, with me? Nothing,” Mikey shrugs, back to his bitchface and gets his food out of his bag. Ryan looks in the direction where Mikey spotted something but he can see nothing, only-

“Why are Brendon and Wentz not sitting with the dream team?” Ryan asks with a frown. The others at his table turn to look at them as well. Brendon and Pete are not even talking, but Pete glances at them with an uncomfortable grimace and turns back to his food. Brendon’s back looks hunched and Ryan wonders why that could be.

“They look like outcasts,” Josh notes. He’s still neutral and his hand is still under the table. Ryan sees Tyler tensing up next to him. Those two, for fuck’s sake.

“Well, well, well,” Hayley shakes her head, locks of hair swaying around. She eyes the table of two with a smirk. “Not really popular for being kind with the nerds, are we, love?”

“But why would Pete stay with him?” Patrick frowns. Ryan is quite sure Pete is an outcast as well, considering he’s been siding with Brendon for days now against the gang. They’re ignoring him as well now, Bob and Joe are the loudest of them now when it comes to mean comments and bullying.

The bell rings, indicating the end of lunchtime, and they all forget about Brendon and Pete as they stand up. Except Tyler, he stays seated. Ryan smirks. That’s what you get for getting off while others are eating, fucker.

 

When his phone rings just as he leaves last period, Brendon takes a look at the caller’s ID and goes pale.

He never calls him in school.

It’s not good.

He considers ignoring it for a moment but then thinks if he really decided to call him right now, it must be important. He takes a look around swings the door of the first room he can find open. The school studio. Marvellous. It’s small and dusty but okay for a phone call. He swipes to receive and when he talks, his voice is muffled.

“Hey, love.”

“Hi, babe,” Dallon speaks and his voice doesn’t seem to be panicky. A bit sad, maybe. “How are you?”

“I-I’m fine, great, you?” Brendon rushes out, but suspects Dallon didn’t call him to ask about his mood. He knows how risky it is, they don’t want to get caught.

“Well, not really,” his boyfriend talks. “You know about my sister, right?”

“Back in Utah?” Brendon tries, because he’s not sure what Dallon wants with this.

“Yeah, she- she’s kind of ill and she has nobody to look after her, she broke up with her boyfriend like two weeks ago and it was kind of hard on her as well, so I- I’ll go and stay with her for some time.”

Brendon’s throat tightens at Dallon’s words. A rush of anxiety runs down his spine.

“How long?” he asks in a low voice. Vegas and Utah are fucking far. And they never spent any time so far from each other since they’re together. For five months now.

“Couple of weeks,” Dallon replies. “I know it’s gonna be hard, but-“

“Can’t anyone else go and be with her?” Bren asks and he’s aware he’s probably being a dick but it’s really the last thing he needed. These days are pretty fucking hard without this one already.

“Babe, please,” Dallon says in a calm tone.

“No! You two have parents, fuck, why do _you_ need to take care of her?” Brendon runs a hand through his hair nervously. He’s pacing up and down next to the sound engineering table, not really seeing his surroundings, staring at his shoes.

“Bren, stop,” Dallon’s voice becomes tenser. “This is how it’s gonna be, she needs me and I’ve made my decision.”

“And didn’t you think about me? What am _I_ gonna do without you for weeks?!” Brendon is panicking now, he knows it’s really not something Dallon wants to hear from him but he can’t help it. He’s lost without Dallon. In this world that turned shitty in one and a half weeks, Dallon seemed to become the only person who was solid and unchangeable.

“Fuck, how am I supposed to leave you here when you can’t even handle the thought of it?” Dallon is kind of yelling now, Brendon’s anxiety rubbing off on him. “It’s fucking hard enough without you throwing a tantrum so stop it, okay?”

Brendon is taken aback for a moment, before realizing Dallon is right. He’s eighteen, for fuck’s sake, he’ll be able to handle being alone for some weeks, won’t he?

“Alright, okay,” Bren calms himself down by exhaling. “I’m sorry, Dal, I didn’t want to-“ his words die in his throat, because even though he wants to act as if it was nothing, he can’t ignore the aching feeling in his chest.

“It’s fine, hon, it’ll be over before you realise I’m not here,” Dallon reassures him.

“I’m sure,” Brendon mumbles but he can’t take his own words seriously.

“Hey, when I get back, we’ll have so much sex you won’t walk properly, okay?” his boyfriend tells him and Bren knows he has a smug smile on his face.

“Yeah,” he tries to smile, not really managing.

“See you, babe.”

“You too. Bye,” Brendon says and hangs up. He’s looking at his phone with a sour expression. He maybe have tears in his eye but it’s okay because nobody sees-

Suddenly the glass studio’s microphone gives a long and loud beeping noise and Bren looks up in alarm. And out of all people, of fucking course it’s _Ryan Ross_ in there.

“Fuck,” Ryan tries to turn off the microphone and fidgets with it aimlessly. Brendon steps to the desk and pushes a button to turn it off, then makes his way furiously to the door behind the glass and tears it open.

“What the actual fuck, Ross?” Brendon asks, his hurt feelings suddenly turning into anger. He wipes his tears off instantly. He suddenly feels his anxiety coming back. “How much did you hear?”

He couldn’t possibly catch anything important, could he?

“Only what you said,” Ryan looks at him with a frown, clearly not frightened by Bren. He’s sitting on the stool, mic stand in front of him, acoustic guitar on his lap. His hat suits him nicely. “Who was that?” Ryan asks and Brendon is ready with a lie.

“A friend.”

“A friend?”

“Girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Ryan doesn’t question it and he really fucking shouldn’t.

“What are you doing in here anyway?” Bren changes the subject quickly, acting as if Ryan couldn’t be in the studio whenever he wanted to.

“I was setting up for recording but you stormed in and I thought I waited for you to finish it, since it was pretty… heated, as I heard,” Ryan notes and Brendon has to grimace to stop his hurt showing on his face. “Are you okay?”

The question catches Brendon off-guard. It has been days since anybody asked him this question and meant it. Ryan is looking at him with real concern and Bren doesn’t even try to lie.

“No,” he huffs bitterly. “Everything’s turning to shit rapidly.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Brendon looks at him with a frown, but Ryan’s words make his chest a bit tighter. They look at each other, they both know there’re things they can’t talk about, so Brendon offers instead, “So, what are you recording?”

“Well, some covers, Beatles and Queen, acoustic,” Ryan shrugs, no longer looking at Bren who just hums. “And some original songs, maybe.”

“Didn’t know you write songs.”

“I started not too long ago,” Ryan admits, and Brendon thinks he can see a bit of pink on his cheeks. “They’re new and I don’t even know if they’re any good-“

“Then show me,” Bren hears himself saying and Ryan looks up at him.

“Why would you listen to them?” he asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Because I’m curious?” Brendon raises an eyebrow. He didn’t think Ryan would be so protective about his songs. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I- haven’t really shown it to anybody yet, so I guess,” and with that, he puts up the guitar on his leg and starts playing it. It’s not like the beginning of a song, Bren can tell, but it sounds good. Then Ryan starts to sing.

“ _I tried to love you but you still loved him so I’ll ignore my heart and lie to the truth_ ,” he sings and his voice fills the small studio with a special aura. Ryan concentrates fully on his guitar, he doesn’t look up at Brendon who might or might not be staring with his mouth slightly open.

Ryan has a fucking fantastic voice. Bren tries to ignore how he can relate to the lyrics, and listens to the guitar. Ryan is beautiful. He has his hair in his eyes that fell from under the hat and his fingers are gently playing the chords.

“ _We tried to be true but you still loved him so I’ll keep my distance and lie to the truth, lie to the truth, lie to the truth ‘cause you lied to it too_ ,” Ryan goes on and Brendon is totally lost. He has no idea why this simple song has such an effect on him, but it totally has. He feels like he’s peering into someone’s soul but since he was invited, it doesn’t feel wrong. It just feels so in sync, the image and the sound. The song is literally like Ryan.

When it’s over, Ryan looks expectantly at Bren, waiting for a reaction probably. Brendon quickly closes his mouth and looks elsewhere.

“It’s not finished totally, I need some more verses, but you get the idea,” Ryan shrugs but Bren sees he’s nervous. He knows how it feels, showing somebody a thing you’ve done. You can’t really tell if it’s good until somebody reassures you. Brendon has kind of a lump in his throat.

“It- it was great, wow, work on those verses, it was great,” he nods in front of himself and grabs the doorknob behind himself. “I think I’ll have to- I’ll just go, see you later, bye.”

“Well, bye,” Ryan looks at him with a confused frown as Bren leaves the studio.

As he’s making his way home – on foot, Pete has left –, he finally finds the solution of all of this; he has just hallucinated this whole day. His squad doesn’t hate him, his boyfriend is not leaving and Ryan Ross _can’t_ sing and _doesn’t_ look gorgeous.

It can’t be real so he decides it’s not. Simple as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love to know who are your favourite characters so leave them in the comments  
> also i dunno if i'll be able to post in time next week or even answer the comments because work schedule ahhh  
> just stay tuned, i love you all!! <3


	7. Of cute nicknames and bruising scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dan, hey,” he greets him with a weak smile. Dan is smiling, too, as always, his eyes lazily wandering over Ryan’s features. Ry’s gaze lands over Dan’s lips and he instantly licks his owns. He’s an idiot.
> 
> Bob and Joe stand in front of Brendon and Pete in a tense silence. Joe is clearly trying to guess the boys’ next move while Bob is just staring at them intimidatingly. Pete’s blood is surging, he just wants to punch them for being assholes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey darlings so this is the chapter of last week, i'm still terribly sorry for the late update but i hope you'll like this anyway  
> referrence to violence but nothing explicit  
> enjoyy <3

Friday, 7:02 pm.

“This is ridiculous,” Patrick sighs for the fourth time in half an hour. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

“Because you wanted to act like a real friend for once, that’s why,” Ryan tells him in a hushed tone. They are sitting in a dim-lit and quite empty bar filled with smoke in the air while some rock flows in the ether. Ryan’s got a cigarette in one hand and Patrick has a lemonade. He swore not to drink alcohol ever again after last week. It will last for like two more days, Ryan thinks.

“Why do you need me here, Ry?” Patrick whines. His pain is obvious on his face. “I wouldn’t have thought getting laid would be this hard for you.”

“Shut up, dickhead,” Ryan snaps at him. “It’s not, fuck you.”

“You still wanted me to come with you to your date,” Patrick shrugs. He takes the straw into his mouth and mumbles, “But _of course_ it’s not a date.”

“Should’ve asked Mikey to come,” Ryan sighs and takes a sip of his cigarette. After exhaling, he adds, “He doesn’t talk as much as you.”

“I quite feel like you wanted to offend me here,” Patrick tells him with a fake hurt expression.

“Genius,” Ryan rolls his eyes and looks around but he stops in the middle of the movement. His confidence melts away immediately. “Oh my god, he’s here,” he mutters under his breath, staring at the entrance of the bar. “Oh my god, _ohmygod_.”

Dan steps in the bar and Ryan instantly looks down at his table. It was a bad idea, a fucking bad idea, he thinks. He should have left the coat by Mikey, fuck his bad ideas and fuck his easily blushing cheeks. Why couldn’t he just take a sweater with himself that night so he-

“Dan, hey!” Patrick calls and Ryan can’t look up at him but he knows Trick is smiling smugly. That fucker, seriously. Ryan hears footsteps approaching them, and he wants to disappear so badly.

“Hey,” a soft, velvet-like voice talks over him and Ryan swallows. “It’s Patrick, right?” he asks and Trick offers him a hand to shake, Ryan sees it from the corner of his eye. He knows the man is looking at him. “Hello, Ryan.”

Ry finally decides he needs to look up. As he slowly raises his head, he can see Dan’s dark blue sweater that matches his beautiful eyes and at last his soft-looking blond hair comes in view.

“Dan, hey,” he greets him with a weak smile. Dan is smiling, too, as always, his eyes lazily wandering over Ryan’s features. Ry’s gaze lands over Dan’s lips and he instantly licks his owns. He’s an idiot.

“So, what’s up, guys?” Dan asks, as if he hasn’t noticed a thing. Ryan is sure he has.

“I was actually _just_ about to go, so come, sit down,” Patrick talks rapidly and stands up, offering his chair to Dan. As he sits down, confused look on his face, Ryan can see as Trick gives him a wink while putting on his coat quickly. Ry tries to tell him through eye-contact how much he hates him right now but the fedora boy just ignores him, waves them a good-bye and leaves.

“He’s kinda cute, you know,” Dan smiles after Patrick, taking the glass of lemonade and drinking some of it.

“He?” Ryan asks, quick with a frown. “No, no, he’s actually really annoying and nosy and-“ he stops midsentence because did he really just say those awful things about his best friend?

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dan turns back to him with a surprised expression. Then he smiles anyway. Doesn’t his face ever hurt? “I came here for you, didn’t I?”

“D-did you?” Ryan stutters, feeling his face heat up again. He keeps eye contact, though.

“Of course I did,” Dan nods. “You have my coat,” he says in a natural voice. When he sees Ryan’s face drop, he just laughs. “I’m kidding. Could have told you I didn’t have time to meet,” he shrugs. “But I wanted to.”

“Well, it’s-it’s fine, I’m glad to give it back to you,” Ryan tells him quickly, and turns around on his chair, grabbing the huge coat he had thrown over the back of his chair when he arrived with Patrick. He hands it over the table, when-

Ryan jumps up, reaching for the glass, but it’s late.

“Oh, fuck,” Dan hisses. Patrick’s leftover lemonade spills on his lap.

Ryan just opens his mouth to say something, but he can’t find his voice. He wants the ground to open up and swallow him.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry, I-“ he rushes out. He just hands over a tissue from his pocket so Dan can wipe himself. The coat stays clean so that’s a good point. Ryan watches as Dan stands up and starts lapping up the lemonade from his crotch area. Ry’s stomach contracts a bit, so he looks away, examining the burn marks on the table.

“It’s okay, love, don’t mention it,” Dan finishes cleaning himself up and sits back. Ryan is not sure for a moment that he caught that right. _Love_. What is even happening? “Now,” Dan smiles at him, now even wider than before and Ry just can’t think of a reason. “Can I buy you anything to drink?”

 

What a wonderful Monday afternoon. If they think Brendon can’t see them slowly making their way towards him, they’re utter idiots. They’ve been acting like predators waiting for the right time to prey all day.

So this is it, Brendon thinks bitterly. It’s time for the Talk. He pretends not to see Frank, Bob, Joe and Spencer as they stop by his desk.

“Hey, dude,” Joe talks in a neutral voice. Bren just looks up and nods as a greeting, then returns to his Physics textbook. He won’t talk. They’ll do that part anyway.

“So we’ve been thinkin’,” Bob says eventually and Brendon needs to laugh. Bob and _thinking_.

“Yeah,” Joe says and an awkward silence falls between the group and Bren. No one wants to say it out loud because it’s a shitty situation. Brendon is ready, however.

“Won’t you say anything?” Frank asks and he’s the only one who’s visibly nervous.

“What could I?” Bren asks back quietly. Fuck, just let this one be over already.

“Maybe ask us what we’re talking about?” Spencer offers. His face is unhappier than any of the others’.

“I know it perfectly well,” Brendon doesn’t even flinch when he looks up at them in the eyes. They have no reply for that. They probably had a complete choreography for this talk but they certainly didn’t calculate this in. Frank and Spencer share an uncertain look.

“Well…” Joe frowns and clears his throat. “Then you probably know what comes now.”

“Jesus, stop this,” Bren huffs with a grimace and it shuts them all up. He turns a page in his book. “Stop acting as if you pitied me.”

“We really do,” Spencer tells him with an almost sad expression. _Sad_ , what the fuck. Brendon thought these guys were emotionally unable to feel sadness.

“Look, we dunno why you like those losers so much lately,” Bob talks and he lacks all kind of emotion but anger. “You won’t tell why you chose them over us so-“

“I didn’t _choose_ them,” is what Bren says out lout, but it’s a fucking lie. Because you’re all fucking assholes, that’s why, he thinks.

“Whatever. You’re out of the gang, we voted about it-“

“Wow,” Brendon smiles in disbelief. “And I thought it was Animal Farm all over again-“

“Don’t speak when I do!” Bob snaps at him and Bren’s eyes widen. “We don’t need you. You tried to leave us but we’re faster to leave you,” Bob exclaims and it must have been rehearsed because such sentences don’t form in such a small brain. Brendon realises just now that Bob actually stands between the other three like a newly elected president, nose high and chest wide.

“So this is what you need?” he now talks to Joe, Frank and Spencer and stands up. “You really think you all will stick together without me ? This goddamn _gang_ is nothing-“

“He told you, we don’t need you anymore,” Joe barks, eyes narrowing, which mirrors Bob’s expression. Still, his shoulders tense as he looks at the taller boy. Brendon knows he lost him. They have never been actual friends anyway.

“What about Jamia?” Bren raises an eyebrow at Frank who flinches. “Is she now too fabulous to even talk to a traitor like me?”

“S-she has… other things  to do today,” Frank speaks quietly, not meeting Brendon’s eyes. Spencer looks uncomfortable as well. Bren wonders why. What could’ve happened between them?

“It’s none of your business anyway,” Bob tells him firmly. He’s really annoyed by the fact that Brendon has an effect on the boys.

“What’s none of his business?”

The five of them turn towards the door of the classroom to see Pete walking up to them. Bren sighs, probably in relief. Without a word Pete stands next to him and looks at the other four with a confused expression. Frank seems to be even more uncomfortable and Spencer is visibly ashamed. Even Joe looks like he lost some of his confidence.

“We told Brendon we don’t want him in the gang anymore,” Bob talks after he sees none of his friends will. Maybe he expects Pete to agree with them. He’s wrong.

“What for?” Pete asks, frowning. Even if he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. Bren doubts he is, though.

“He’s on the nerds’ side,” Joe gathers himself to say. “He used to enjoy our fun, now he… he acts like one of them.”

Pete looks at Brendon who just shakes his head. They don’t need to know. They shouldn’t. Not now that they exclaimed their point. It wouldn’t make the situation any better.

“So you decided he wasn’t good enough for you?” Pete finally asks, looking at Bob in the eye. He straightens himself and tries to look bigger. He’s not actually small but the others are much bigger and more muscular than him. (Except for Frank. Frank is a manlet.)

“Well...” Joe takes a side glance at Bob.

“I’m surprised you stand up to us, Wentz,” the blond jerk does look a bit caught off-guard. The other three are speechless, even Joe can’t finish his sentence.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Pete seemingly isn’t affected by the harsh tone, he stands with his eyes narrowed.

“We could beat the shit out of you,” Bob threatens.

“Think that one through,” Brendon talks finally, stepping next to Pete who in the meantime positioned himself almost fully between Bren and the others. What a brave little motherfucker, Brendon thinks.

The bell rings suddenly and Spencer shudders. He looks at the door of the classroom as if looking for a way to escape.

“Erm, well,” he speaks quietly. “Now that it’s done… I have S-Spanish next period, so I- I think I’m gonna-“ and he doesn’t even finish before leaving for the exit.

“Wait for me!” Frank calls after him and follows, the two of them disappearing instantly.

Bob and Joe stand in front of Brendon and Pete in a tense silence. Joe is clearly trying to guess the boys’ next move while Bob is just staring at them intimidatingly. Pete’s blood is surging, he just wants to punch them for being assholes. Bren only now realises how important a person Pete is in his life. He’ll have to thank him for existing one of these days, seriously. But first, they have something else to do.

 

“Okay but how did you _not_ get in his pants?” Hayley asks the most important question as they walk and Ryan just groans. He had six periods today and the last thing he needs is his friends’ constant teasing.

“I told you, I’m a good boy, I don’t do things like that!”

“Yeah, sure,” Ray snorts. “Jacking off to a picture of David Bowie in seventh grade in the bathroom is totally what good boys do.”

“I was a kid, fuck off,” Ryan hushes him, cheeks reddening a bit. “I was figuring things out, you can’t fucking blame me.”

“Sure, love, it’s alright,” Hayley puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder but she’s clearly keeping back her laughter. From the word ‘love’ Ryan gets a tingly feeling in his stomach. That’s actually not the only thing he had been called last Friday. Sweetie, darling, honey, just to mention a few.

They’re making their way towards the lockers, and they keep teasing Ryan, until Andy quietly talks out of nowhere, “So we’re seeing that movie tonight, right, Hays?”

“Yeah, sure,” Hayley replies happily. “Let’s meet at 7 in front of the theatre,” she beams at him. Andy just nods and smiles back a small but genuine smile.

“What movie? Can I come?” Ray chimes in, not realising that it’s really not the time and place.

“Erm, Ray…” Hayley turns at him, looking a bit awkward.

“What?” Ray asks, annoyance in his voice. “You guys never invite me anywhere, it’s not fair-”

“Dude,” Andy cuts him off. “It’s a date.”

Ray stops immediately, Ryan bumping into his back.

“How- how the fuck did I not know about that?” Ray asks with eyes wide, looking from Hayley to Andy and back.

“None of us did,” Ryan reassures him. He’s been suspecting, putting the pieces together for a time now but it’s not like they actually told him.

“We didn’t think it was such a big thing,” Hayley shrugs and slips her hand into Andy’s. She makes it look simple but Ryan can see the excitement in her eyes that finally she’s able to do this in front of them. Andy blushes a bit as well but holds onto the small hand in his palm.

“Well, congrats, guys,” Ryan smiles at them, putting a hand on Ray’s shoulder, who’s still stunned. “Good luck with Ray and his questions,” he tells them with a grin and turns around, leaving for the bathroom.

He didn’t actually tell the others about the date in detail. It was amazing, though. Dan is such an awesome guy, he is kind and lovely and even his innuendos were cute on the date. Because it _was_ a date, Ryan now admits. Dan bought him drinks, two or three, he didn’t let him pay for it himself which was annoyingly endearing. It’s so strange to think back at it. Like it’s only happened in Ryan’s mind, like he’s only dreamt it.

Ryan opens the door of the bathroom to realise there’s someone inside. The school is actually almost totally empty so it surprises Ryan to find anybody in there.

Especially that it’s Pete Wentz. He is standing over the faucet and washing his face. Ryan is about to leave before Pete even realises him but then the jock looks up in the mirror and locks eyes with him.

“Hey,” Pete talks, the word leaving his lips as a drop of blood drips down the corner of his mouth. He has a bruise under his right eye as well and his hair is so messy Ryan has never seen it before.

“Uh, hi,” Ry greets with a frown. He’s not sure what to say. Should he just leave? Will Pete beat him up for waking in on him while he… what is he doing, actually? “Are you- okay?”

Because you certainly don’t look like you are, he adds in his mind.

“Oh, babe,” Pete chuckles bitterly, looking down at his bruising knuckles. “You should see the other guys.”

“Don’t call me ‘babe’,” is Ryan’s instant reaction. It’s a reflex, he’s used to the jocks mocking him for being feminine and gay so he’s learned not to let them get to him.

“Chill out,” Pete grins a mysterious little grin at him and licks his lip, tasting the blood. “You have a tissue for me?”

Ryan isn’t sure whether he should be kind to Pete. He’s been standing with Brendon by them for two weeks now, sure, but… he’s still suspicious.

“Here,” he hands Pete a tissue anyway who just takes it and wipes the blood away from his mouth. “Because a ‘thank you’ kill you, obviously,” Ry murmurs to himself. Pete suddenly spins around on his heels and Ryan actually takes a step back.

“I feel like _you_ should thank _us_ ,” Pete stays in his place as he says that, mysterious smile still on his lips.

“What for?” Ry lifts an eyebrow, folding his arms on his chest in defence.

“Well, especially to Bren, not me, necessarily,” Pete trails off, turning back to the mirror and trying to smooth down his hair.

“I have no idea-“ Ryan starts, but the other cuts him off.

“I know about the parents thing, okay?” he asks, looking at himself in the mirror, wiping away more blood. “You must be fucking special,” he goes on with a headshake, talking mainly to himself. “Bren goes so far to keep Bob and the others off of you these days.”

Ry is speechless but fortunately he doesn’t have to answer that, apparently. The bathroom door opens and Brendon’s head pops in the gap. He sees just Pete first but then catches sight of Ryan, and whatever he wanted to say just doesn’t come out of his mouth.

“ _JesusfuckingChrist_ , Brendon,” Ryan lets it slip and he tries not to look as shocked as he feels. Brendon has a nasty cut on his left cheekbone and his lip is bleeding way more than Pete’s. He’s squinting as well, maybe he’ll have a black eye tomorrow, too.

“Hey, Ryro,” Brendon smiles at him, seemingly unable to move one of his eyebrows. His eyes are twinkling with something, though.

“God, you must’ve been beaten up badly if you’re giving me nicknames now,” Ryan tells him out of nowhere. Pete chuckles at it, throwing the bloody tissue into the trashcan.

“Well, yeah, badly,” Brendon shrugs. “I don’t really give a fuck, though. They came out worse and fully deserved it.”

“Come on, Breadbin, let’s leave before they find the trashed classroom,” Pete nudges Brendon and leaves the bathroom, carefully looking around, then walking towards the parking lot.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Ryan tries once more. “You look like you’ve just survived a car crash.”

“I might,” Brendon shrugs. “But then Bob and Joe look like they’ve been the cars,” he tells him and is visibly proud of this comparison. “They are fucking assholes.”

“I’m glad you realise it now,” Ryan adds in. He has no idea what happened but if Brendon and Bryar had a fight, it must be huge. Brendon just gives Ry a sympathetic smile and turns around to leave, when Ryan finds himself saying, “Thank you, though.”

Brendon turns with a surprised expression but then gives Ryan a grin that makes his insides twist in a good way.

“Anytime, Ross,” he winks and leaves Ry in the small and dirty bathroom with an amused smile and a pounding heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll try to give you babes another update this week but no promises :3


	8. Of group chats and blushing bad boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryro:** wentz entered the classroom like two minutes after mikey did  
>  _thatpinkhead is typing..._  
>  _Toronado is typing..._  
>  _DUNDUN DUN is typing..._  
>  **thatpinkhead:** I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE  
>  **Toronado:** SO WHAT GEORGE PLES DONT WASTE OUR TIME  
>  **DUNDUN DUN:** WAIT DOES THAT MEAN  
>  _not blurry is typing..._  
>  **not blurry:** THA TTHEY WERE TOGETHER
> 
> “And the others, let’s not forget,” Brendon shakes his head. “They voted about it, remember?”  
> “Well, yeah but you think any of them wanted to get beaten up by him for saying no?” Pete raises an eyebrow. That’s true. He’d rather think about the situation this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a loooot of swearing in this one  
> i'll try to get back to weekly updates from next week but as always, i can't promise it'll happen  
> also i guess the chat names are pretty obvious but in case they're not, see the end notes

Brendon wakes up with a pounding in his ribs and heavy eyelids on Tuesday. After turning off his alarm, he sits up in his bed to find his hands sore, too. He remembers hitting Bob in the jaw with quite a force but it must have been even worse than he recalls, if his purple knuckles are anything to go by.

Bren stand up and walks towards his door, on the way tripping over his shirt he left on the floor last night. He ignores it as he opens the door and leaves for the bathroom.

After a glance at the mirror he has to admit his face is not the nicest to look at right now. He dips a towel under the running water, then pushes it gently against the wound on his face. It stings a bit, he hisses but keeps cleaning his face. The corner of his lips looks much better than it did yesterday. There’s only one bruise, above his right eye, exactly under his brow.

His ribs are still hurting, the pain increasing with every movement he makes. He grits his teeth and opens the bathroom cupboard. There must be painkillers in there somewhere. After a minute of searching he pulls out a small container of white pills from behind an extra tube of toothpaste. He takes one pill out and swallows it immediately, without even drinking water after it.

As he puts the pills back in the cupboard, he takes another container out. It’s filled with small, orange-white pills, and Bren opens it to take one out of it as well.

His ADHD meds. He has to take it since he was like 9 or so. Literally every morning. He can’t remember the last time he didn’t take it but it must have been really shit because ever since his mother has been insistent on him taking them. Whenever he sleeps over at Dallon’s, he takes the meds with him. His boyfriend doesn’t know about his illness, it’s something Brendon doesn’t want him to bother with. He might also be a bit anxious about sharing it with someone.

It sure won’t matter if he takes his ADHD medication after the painkiller. He does so, swallows the small pill, and he swears he can already feel the painkiller in his ribs.

He puts the pills away and takes one last look at his face before going back to his bedroom. It’s time to dress up and go to school.

 

First period, lovely Geography. To be honest, Ryan doesn’t have the faintest idea of what’s going on. Ray, Mikey, Tyler and Josh are at Chemistry right now. Ry goes to this class with Hayley, Andy and Patrick, but they’re lost in their smartphones at the moment. Ry decides to follow their example. When he opens the chat, he understands what keeps them so occupied.

 **pattycakes:** so i have no idea why but they say theres a pikachu at the ruins of the factory

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** thats ridiculous no one even goes there

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** thats the point noob

_dundun dun is typing..._

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**Toronado:** WHAAAAT

 **dundun dun:** REKT TYJO IN UR FACE

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** did patrick really just call someone a noob i mean is this the real life

_Toronado is typing..._

_dundun dun is typing..._

**Toronado:** OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**dundun dun:** CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE

 **thatpinkhead:** NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY

 **not blurry:** okay but can we just appreciate the fact that my boyfriend sides with patrick and not me

 **pattycakes:** #dramallama

_dundun dun is typing..._

**dundun dun:** you kno thats not true babe ily

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** but guys have you seen brendon this morning

_pattycakes is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

**pattycakes:** yeah he looks pretty horrible

 **Toronado:** i hope someone beat the shit out of him

 **not blurry:** ray thats rude

 **Toronado:** what

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** hes been nice to us lately i dont think thats how we should talk about him

_dundun dun is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**pattycakes:** wow okay u got a sasscocktail in ur face toro

 **not blurry:** i agree with andy tho

 **dundun dun:** yeah ray ur an asshole thats what he wanted to say hes just too polite

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** im sorry mom i swear im gonna be a better kid

 **thatpinkhead:** ray

 **Toronado:** what

 **thatpinkhead:** shut up

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** woah okay so now that u two r dating ur the ultimate power couple right

 **pattycakes:** DONT U HURT MY OTP OK

_Ryro is typing…_

**Ryro:** hey guys

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** have you been here the whole time

 **Toronado:** also what is this new name dude

 **Ryro:** kinda yeah hays

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** also with your name youre literally one to talk stingray

_Ryro is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** savage

 **Ryro:** isnt mikey online?

_not blurry is typing..._

_dundun dun is typing..._

**not blurry:** nope he didnt come to chemistry

 **dundun dun:** i thought you knew where he was ry

 **Ryro:** no idea

 **Ryro:** trick?

_Toronado is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

While waiting for the answer, Ryan looks up at the teacher, acting as if he’s been paying attention. Mikey has failed to show up for the first period, and even though it’s not the first time, he never missed class without telling any of them where he was.

 **Toronado:** he surely ran off to Unicorn Land to become an almighty fairyprincess

 **not blurry:** i bet he finally accepted his fate and became a prostitute

Ryan hears Hayley’s snort from two desks away from him. He sees Patrick’s back as he’s typing away on his phone.

 **pattycakes:** he told me something about never ever going back to that class because of urie’s gang

 **dundun dun:** i cant even decide which one is more relatable tys or rays

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** he surely didnt mean that not even hes that arrogant

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** wouldnt bet

 **thatpinkhead:** are u sure ross cuz im not

_dundun dun is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** nevermind hes here

_Toronado is typing..._

**dundun dun:** he just apologised and sat down what a good boy

 **Toronado:** W AIT  IS THAT A FUCKIN BLUSH

_not blurry is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

_Ryro is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** WHA T

 **not blurry:** YES THATS A MOTHERFUVKING BLUSH OH MY HOD

 **thatpinkhead:** IS HE CAPABLE OFTHAT

 **pattycakes:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME SEND PICS

The knock on the classroom’s door interrupts whatever Ry was typing. He looks up and sees Pete Wentz walking into the room. His face looks kind of alright after yesterday’s fight, but his cheeks... He apologises to the teacher and sits down, not far from Jamia. The girl is pretty quiet today, Ryan notes.

Pete looks around and his gaze meets Ry’s. He immediately looks away, leaning down and fidgeting with the zipper of his bag. He takes out his phone promptly and sits back. Ryan glances over at Patrick but he’s just staring at his phone, too. Seemingly Hayley didn’t really notice Pete either. Goddamn 21th century.

It’s only Andy who mirrors Ryan’s confused expression.

_Toronado sent 1 picture._

**Toronado:** I KNO ITS BLURRY BUT DO U SEE THE ROSY CHEEKS

 **not blurry:** WOULD INSERT A PUN BUT ITS TO BIG TI BE JOKE  ABOUT OHMYFUCKINGOD

_dundun dun changed their name_

**DUNDUN DUN:** WHATVTHE FU K IS GOING ON

 **thatpinkhead:** WHERE HAVE U BEEN MIKEY BOI ANSWER US

 **DUNDUN DUN:** YAS I SEE UR LOOKING AT UR PHONE ALREADY MILKYWAY DO U HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL US

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** guys im not sure hes looking at the groupchat...

_not blurry is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

**not blurry:** THEN WHAT ELSE

 **pattycakes:** HE FRICKIN SHOULD THO I NEED ANSWERS

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** wentz entered the classroom like two minutes after mikey did

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

_DUNDUN DUN is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE

 **Toronado:** SO WHAT GEORGE PLES DONT WASTE OUR TIME

 **DUNDUN DUN:** WAIT DOES THAT MEAN

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** THA TTHEY WERE TOGETHER

_rainbow dash is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** is that a photo of me

 **pattycakes:** OH NOP HES HERE HE GONNA SEE EVERYTHING ABORT MISSON

 **Ryro:** hey mikes

 **rainbow dash:** what even is this chat

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** STOP SHITTING AROUND WAY AND TELL US

 **rainbow dash:** what

 **Toronado:** THE BLUSHING

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** PETER IS GIGGLING AT HIS PHONE WHAT IS THIS

 **not blurry:** MIKEY IS TOO

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** MILKYWAY DOESNT GIGGLE WHY THE FUCK U LYING

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** petes hair is all tangled up

 **not blurry:** WHY

_Ryro is typing..._

_DUNDUN DUN is typing..._

**Ryro:** okay but wHERE THE HELL DID MIKEY GO AGAIN

 **DUNDUN DUN:** MICHAEL JAMES WAY I SWEAR TO TRICK IF U DONT ANSWER IN FOUR SECONDS IM GONNA DRAG U

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**Toronado:** FINALLY

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** I NEED TO KNO WHATS GOING O N

_rainbow dash is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** WHAT TAKING OYU SO LONG

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** im sorry guys and hayley i overslept and i had to run to get here on time but it didnt happen thats the flush

_Toronado is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

_DUNDUN DUN is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** WHATS THAT and hayley

 **Toronado:** I CALL BULLSHIT UTTER BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE

 **not blurry:** YEAH LIKE UD EVER RUN TO GET TO CLASS LIAR

 **pattycakes:** UR SO FULL OF CRAP MISTER

_rainbow dash left the chat_

_DUNDUN DUN is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**DUNDUN DUN:** HE JUST FUCKING PUT HSI PHONE AWAY

 **Toronado:** IM GONNA ACTUALLY HIT HIM IN HIS SMUG FACE WITH A CHAIR

 **not blurry:** WHATS WENTZ DOING THO

_pattycakes is typing..._

_Ryro added rainbow dash to the chat_

**pattycakes:** HES SMILING AT HIS PHONE AND AVOIDING EYE CONTACT

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** PLS TELL HIM I FUCKING HATE BOTH OF THEM THANKS

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** prepare urself way the period is over in like 7 mins

 **thatpinkhead:** WE CORNER THEM

_not blurry is typing..._

_DUNDUN DUN is typing..._

**DUNDUN DUN:** are u mad woman

 **not blurry:** im not fucking cornering wentz omg

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** mikeys gonna be hard enough to corner alone

 **thatpinkhead:** :c

 

When Brendon sees Pete for the first time that day, he needs to laugh. Not like the small snort kind of laugh but the one that makes your chest hurt after a while.

Bren is waiting in front of the Geography room after the bell rang and when he sees Pete, both of them start to laugh hysterically. The bypassing students throw them nasty looks but they don’t care at all.

“T-that fucking-“ Brendon points at Pete’s black eye and tries to speak but he doesn’t have enough oxygen for that.

“I know, god, you look ridiculous,” Pete laughs with him, clutching at his stomach. Well, more like pathetic, Bren thinks, but hey. Crying about it wouldn’t make anything easier, would it?

“Jeez,” Brendon finally manages to say, wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye. His ribs are protesting with some pain but Bren is done laughing anyway. “Did anyone say anything about it?”

“No, not yet,” Pete replies, grinning and motioning towards the general direction of their lockers. “I’m waiting for the moment, thought. I’ll finally have the reason to tell everyone what a fucker Bryar is.”

“And the others, let’s not forget,” Brendon shakes his head. “They voted about it, remember?”

“Well, yeah but you think any of them wanted to get beaten up by him for saying no?” Pete raises an eyebrow. That’s true. He’d rather think about the situation this way. From Bob stabbing him in the back was nothing surprising but he wouldn’t have thought Spencer, for example, would turn on him.

Suddenly Brendon feels someone shoving him on the back. He turns, kind of expecting to see his ex-gang coming for round two, but it’s not them.

“Sorry, guys,” Ryan is pushing through the crowd of the hallway, promptly followed by his friends. When he sees it’s Brendon who he crashed into, he’s visibly taken aback for a moment but then gives him a small smile. Bren smiles back encouragingly, but before he could say anything, Patrick grabs Ryan’s hand and pulls him with himself. He’s mumbling something about ‘first Mikey, now you, I can’t believe you gays’.

“Hey!” Pete yells as he’s almost flipped over by the 5’2 tall and very fierce Hayley.

“I’ll have a word with you later, Peter!” she tells him and storms away next to him.

“Sorry, she didn’t mean that,” Andy apologises as he follows her. The four of them disappear as they came, into the crowd of the hallway.

“Peter?” Brendon asks with a grin.

“I have no idea,” Pete replies, a bit too quickly. He avoids looking at Bren in the eye, too.

“You’re not telling me something.”

“You don’t need to know,” Pete turns red in the face and attempts a nonchalant shrug.

“Oh,” Brendon smirks. “Okay then.”

Not like he’s going to let it slip. Even though Pete would clearly love to be over with it this easily, he won’t. Bren _will_ ask questions. Just not now.

He has a strange little smile to keep his mind occupied at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryro - Ryan  
> pattycakes - Patrick  
> not blurry - Tyler  
> dundun dun - Josh  
> thatpinkhead - Hayley  
> yeahiplaythedrums - Andy  
> Toronado - Ray  
> rainbow dash - Mikey
> 
> also caN YOU BELIEVE ITS ALMOST AUGUST IM THIS CLOSE TO GOING BACK TO SCHOOL AKA HELL PLES DONT MAKE ME GO BACK THERE


	9. Of chick flicks and grilled cheese sandwiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello, Ms Urie,” Ryan nods politely, and he remembers how rude he was to her last time. He wouldn’t admit it, but he kind of wants to make it up to her now. “Thank you for having me.”
> 
> “Anyway, you’ve never really told them to stop it, have you?”  
> “I- I haven’t,” Bren has to admit it. He is ashamed of it, for the record. He too would probably hate someone who acted like that against him. “I’m sorry. But they’re – were – my friends, couldn’t tell them to fuck off back then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you think i wouldn't update just because it's past 9 pm and i can't be trusted with updates lately?  
> then you were wrooooong  
> enjoy kiddos

Approximately 4.2 seconds after George Ross rings the bell, the front door of the Uries swings open.

“George!” Grace Urie smiles widely at her partner and hugs him immediately. She’s wearing grey leggings and a dark green knitted sweater. Ryan must admit she’s kinda pretty. Even though she’s old. And a female. “And Ryan, I’m so happy you made it, too,” her warm smile almost manages to unfreeze Ry’s mood that comes from the weather.

“Hello, Ms Urie,” Ryan nods politely, and he remembers how rude he was to her last time. He wouldn’t admit it, but he kind of wants to make it up to her now. “Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, dear,” she just waves it off and holds the door wider open. “Come in, you two, it’s awfully cold out here.”

 

When his mother told him the Rosses were about to make a visit that afternoon, Brendon was genuinely surprised. Because Ryan Ross, coming to his house on his own two feet? On a Wednesday afternoon? To watch a movie together with him and his mother?

He knows he can’t ditch this _double date_ – how he started to call it in his mind– because when he asked his mom not to ask questions about his bruises, she didn’t. It’s like a repayment. Also, he finds himself quite excited about it, too. Not sure, why.

His mom opens the door and George Ryan Ross II and III walk into the living room. It’s much smaller than theirs, Bren knows that. He’s not self-conscious, though. He’s never been when it comes their house.

He’s making the couch for three and the armchair as comfy as possible and he really hopes he won’t end up sharing the couch with his mom and her Romeo.

“Preparing the field, Bren?” he hears George Ross’ voice talk behind him and he turns around. The Rosses stand in the hallway, both taking their coats off and hanging them up. George takes his shoes off as well but Ryan doesn’t. He looks kind of lost for a moment. He looks like a puppy, Bren observes.

“Hello, George,” Brendon smiles and holds out his hand for a handshake. George Ross grins back and shakes it firmly. “And hi,” he turns to Ryan and holds out his hand to him as well.

The younger Ross looks at him in the eye and Brendon feels something when he looks into those honey irises. He’s sure he smiles brighter at him than he did at George but he can’t help it. Ryan, in his Guns shirt and with his tangled locks, looks beautiful.

“Hey,” he greets back and smiles, which Bren knows is genuine because it reaches his eyes. He takes Brendon’s hand and shakes it, and Bren would lie if he said it doesn’t affect his insides. His hand is kind of small and soft and cold because he was outside and his handshake is firm.

“So,” his mom puts a hand on his shoulder. “Are we ready with everything?”

“Yeah, it’s all prepared,” Bren replies.

 

There’s only one reason why Ryan was ready to leave the warmth of their house to go over to the Uries. He needs to talk to Brendon about Bryar. And Pete. Also because he was promised free popcorn.

Okay, not just one reason then.

When his father returns from the kitchen with a bottle of coke, some cups and a bag of chips, Ryan is already sitting on the couch. Brendon is handling Netflix and Ry sees he’s logged in with his own account but tries to ignore the fact that it’s filled with a horrendous amount of chick flicks. Princess Diaries, The Notebook, The Fault in Our Stars, just to mention a few. Ryan _isn’t_ smiling because he finds it awfully adorable.

“So what’s that we’re gonna watch again?” Ryan asks and Brendon looks up at him suddenly, as if he was lost in his thoughts for a moment.

“It’s, uh, it’s Fight Club,” Brendon looks back at the screen and scrolls away from his stash of chick flicks quickly. Ryan watches the back of his head and knows he knows that he does that.

“Great movie,” his dad cuts in, placing his stuff on the coffee table. “I’ve seen it about seven times already,” he speaks as Ms Urie joins them, too, putting down a bowl of steaming popcorn next to the other foods. “But _someone_ here insisted on watching it with me,” he says in a ‘yeah-I’m-talking-about-you’ way, turned towards her. Ryan’s mouth almost hangs open. Is his father being _flirty_ right now?

“I told you, I know it’s scary and it has a lot of violence,” she defends herself. “I didn’t even want to watch it until you told me how much you liked it.”

“Aww,” Brendon coos, turning towards his mom and grinning. Ryan only sees his profile but, despite all the injuries on his face, he looks really pretty.

“Bren, you and Ryan are comfy here?” she prompts, clearly putting a second meaning behind the words.

“Well, I thought about showing Ry my guitar and _things_ , in exchange of last time,” Brendon says and turns to him. “You know, if you want it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ryan tries to act casually, like he has no idea what all this is about. “You two just watch the movie, we’ll be back soon,” he tells his father.

Brendon stands up where he was crouching and starts walking towards one of the doors opening from the living room. Ryan follows him, not too enthusiastically, but you know. That sounds better than watching all bloody and hot Brad Pitt with his father and his girlfriend.

 

“The irony though,” Ryan smirks as Bren lets him in his room and shuts the door.

“Sorry?”

“When you closed a bedroom door behind us the last time, I panicked like an idiot you were about to murder me,” he tells him, laughing a bit.

“You really thought that?” Brendon asks with a frown. He wasn’t about to beat up Ryan then. And never, actually. He never laid a hand on him. Well, the others… that’s another story.

“Well, kinda,” Ryan admits and he takes a look around the room. He just hums when he sees the band posters on the ugly green and brown wallpaper. He clearly looks at the guitar and the amp in the corner like someone who knows about music. Bren sits down on his bed, crossing his legs at the ankle and leaning back on his hands and watches him.

“I like your room,” is the conclusion Ryan gives him, peering out the window.

“Thanks. I made it myself,” Brendon jokes. Ryan turns back to him, and after a moment he sits down next to him.

“So we’ll just let our parents make out in the living room for the whole movie?” he asks nonchalantly.

“Oh god, that sounds so bad,” Bren cringes and laughs, laying back on his bed. “Well, I mean if you want to go and watch them I’m not gonna stop you,” he’s lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as he says that.

“No! Hell no, eww, old straight people snogging,” Ryan makes a face and Bren turns to look at him. Silence stills for a second, Ryan probably thinking he said something ‘too gay’ for Brendon’s company. Oh, if he knew…

“Hey, on Monday,” Bren sits up as he speaks. “When I went in the bathroom in the school, you and Pete were talking about something, right?” Brendon asks. Ryan, for whatever reason, snorts at the mention of Pete’s name. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Ryan shakes his head and looks down at his lap. “It’s just… Mikey, you know Mikey, the new guy, he’s acting sorta strange nowadays, you know, turning up late for class and shit like that and, I dunno, I-“

“Think Pete has something to do with it,” Bren finishes the sentence for him, catching Ryan’s attention right away.

“Yeah, I mean, Mikes vanishes for like the whole of lunch and then just appears with burning cheeks and somehow Pete does the same, as far as I see it,” he gets into it and Brendon takes a moment to watch the enthusiasm in his eyes.

“I’ve noticed it, too,” he nods and grins mischievously. “Do you think those two are up to something dirty?”

“I have no idea, I mean-“ Ryan stops mid sentence. “Pete’s straight, isn’t he?”

“Ask me something I know, man,” Bren shrugs.

“But- he must be, I mean you- your _gang_ ,” Ryan corrects himself and goes on carefully, “they’ve been acting so homophobic, I’d have never guessed-“

“It was never _me_ ,” Brendon is quick to tell him. “Pete neither. It was Bob and Joe and Jamia, sometimes Spencer, but never me or Pete.”

“That’s not quite how I remember,” Ryan grimaces. “Anyway, you’ve never really told them to stop it, have you?”

“I- I haven’t,” Bren has to admit it. He _is_ ashamed of it, for the record. He too would probably hate someone who acted like that against him. “I’m sorry. But they’re – were – my friends, couldn’t tell them to fuck off back then.”

“That’s pretty much the same, to tell the truth,” Ryan turns up his nose, clearly still feeling hurt because of it.

“I’m not homophobic,” Brendon huffs. I’m quite the opposite, he adds in his mind.

“That’s one thing I won’t really believe.”

Bren lifts an eyebrow and puts a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. The other boy’s eyes shoot up to meet his and Brendon quickly leans in. Ryan’s breathing hitches and his shoulder stiffens under the touch.

Bren only stops two inches away from his lips. Ryan is staring at him but not pushing him away. He’s probably shocked and has no idea what’s going on.

“Say that again,” Brendon whispers, looking first at his lips, then up into his deep honey eyes. He feels the warmth of his breath radiating back from Ryan’s skin. The Ross boy doesn’t say a thing, he just swallows audibly. He’s feeling something. Good, Bren thinks. He has an effect on him.

He removes himself from Ryan’s lap and stands up.

“You’d like something to eat?”

 

Brendon’s left the room almost a whole minute ago and Ryan’s still not moved.

When he finally does, it’s for his phone from this back jeans pocket.

_Private chat with them: pattycakes_

**Ryro:** PATRICK WHAT THE FUCK

It takes Patrick some time to answer, because he’s probably drowning in the pile of homework they got today. Ryan has a method of dealing with it. He ignores it completely.

_pattycakes is typing..._

pattycakes: IT WASNT ME I SWEAR

 **Ryro:** WHAT

 **pattycakes:** WHAT DO YOU WANT ROSS

Okay now, let’s start at the beginning.

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** OKAY FUCK SO IM AT THE URIES

 **pattycakes:** THE WHERETHEFLUFF

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** STOP AND LISTEN

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** IM HERE CUZ DAD WANTED ME TO COME TO HIS DATE WITH MS URIE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH BRENDON

 **pattycakes:** WHAAT

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** AND BRENDON KINDA JUST TRIED TO KISS ME IN HIS BEDROOM WHEN WE WERE ALONE ???!?!!!?!?!!

Writing it down makes it feel a lot more real. He must have imagined it anyway. Because Brendon is straight and even homophobic and he only did that to prove his stupid point. It was pretty convincing, to be honest but it doesn’t mean Ryan felt anything during it.

 **pattycakes:** WHA TTHE ACTIAL FLUFF

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** DOTN U DRE FRICKING WITJ MY HEAD AVOUT THIS

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** STOP USING ALTERNATES FOR THE WORD FUCK FO R FUCKS SAKE TRICK

 **pattycakes:** NEVERR ITS A BAD WORD

 **pattycakes:** BUT REALLY

 **pattycakes:** IS IT TRUE

Is it?

 **Ryro:** OF COURSE IT IS

_pattycakes is typing…_

**pattycakes:** AND WHAT WILL U DO NOW

 

When Brendon returns, he sees Ryan still sitting on his bed, typing on his phone. Bren takes a moment to just look at how fragile he looks. Not like he has the right to judge him for it. He wouldn’t, anyway. Ryan’s just slender and pretty, just Brendon’s type.

Wait, did he seriously just think that?

Well, fuck, he did.

“Since we ran out of ‘idk’,” Bren says loudly to catch his attention. Ryan looks up abruptly, like he’s shocked to see Brendon in his own bedroom. He slips the phone into his pocket. “I decided to bring you grilled cheese sandwiches,” Bren goes on, balancing one plate on his forearm, the other on his palm because he needs a free hand for the door handle. He closes the door and walks to Ryan.

“Thanks,” Ry mumbles as he takes his plate. He grew quiet and doesn’t look at him in the eye. Bren sits next to him and tries to not feel bad about this. They both start to eat, Ryan biting just small pieces of his food, Brendon trying to keep his mouth full. He could have just come out to him, but… that’s quite risky and he’s not sure he’s ready.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he finally says, voice even barely audible. Ryan doesn’t answer right away, he takes a bite from his sandwich first, chews it and swallows.

“It’s okay, I’m just- it was unexpected,” he says and it sounds genuine.

“Wait, you mean if I told you I was about to jump you, it’d have been okay?” Brendon tries with a small smug smile. When Ryan smiles and punches him in the arm, Bren knows he’s not mad.

“I’m used to people teasing me about being gay,” Ryan explains and the smile vanished from Brendon’s face.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, not sure what he should reply to that.

“I know you didn’t mean harm, it’s just…” Ryan doesn’t finish, but Bren gets it.

“I- I know some guys who are gay, you know, and some that are bi,” Brendon shrugs, indicating it isn’t a big deal. “Even some pans and demis as well,” he adds because it’s true and he hopes to convince Ryan.

“It’s not like I hate it when people say this,” Ryan takes a side glance at Bren and he has a hidden smile that twist the corners of his mouth upwards. “But I kinda hate it.”

“What do you want me to say?” Brendon huffs and takes a bite of his sandwich.

“That next time,” Ryan finally looks up at him as he talks, “you’ll stop Bob Bryar when he harasses my friends about sexuality or hair colour or whatever the fuck he decides on.”

“Yeah, the thing is that I’d love to promise that,” Brendon grins in spite of himself, “but I doubt he’d listen to me anyway.”

“Oh, right, you two quarrelled a bit,” Ryan grimaces as he eats his sandwich. “Doesn’t mean you broke up, does it?”

“Apparently, it does.”

Ryan looks at him, with a confused frown. “What?”

“He decided to kick me out of the gang because I got 'too involved with nerds',” Bren adds air quotes to his words. Ryan is staring at him with a mixture of scandalized and disbelieving expressions on his face.

“Did that fucker actually say that?” he finally manages to ask.

“Yeah,” Brendon shrugs. “But don't think about it too much, it'll make you fucking angry. Believe me.”

“He looked like he was actually afraid of you today,” Ryan smiles smugly and Bren has to grin. At lunch Bob and he almost bumped into each other and when Bryar realised who he was, he just gave Brendon an icy glare through a puffy eyelid and walked away quickly.

“Well, yeah, I mean if I were him, I'd be afraid of myself as well,” Bren grins at Ryan who just huffs.

“Yeah, because you're such an animal.”

“You have no idea, honey,” Brendon answers with a wink and Ryan actually giggles.

“But what about Pete?” he asks, stopping for a moment. “Is he out of the gang as well?”

“After punching Joe Trohman in the mouth, yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“Do you not care at all?”

“The thing is,” Bren starts with a sigh. “What I had in that squad, those are not what I'd consider as friendships. We were living in a kind of symbiosis. I made them popular by letting them hang by, they made sure my school position doesn't change. When I was sixteen, it meant a lot,” he smiles bitterly at his memories. That was when he realised he wasn't exactly straight. He needed all the adoration, all the people who would tell him he's handsome and fantastic - that he matters. “But they weren't _friends_ in the classical meaning of the word. Like the ones that you have,” Brendon nods. “You're lucky with your guys.”

“I know that,” Ryan replies quietly. “If I hadn’t had them all these years in high school, I have no idea how I'd have made it,” he looks down at the remains of his sandwich as talks, not looking at Bren.

“Well, from now on, I have no table to sit at lunch, so...” Brendon smiles warmly at Ryan to break the tension, and it's effective.

“You're welcomed at ours,” Ryan nods and they start talking about music and movies and whatever that comes to their mouths and Bren wouldn't have guessed that he'd like a Wednesday night so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oo was that almost-kiss unexpected? was it? cuz i fucking hope so  
> it was kinda unexpected for me, too, i almost made them kiss properly but then thought 'nah they'll have another time for that'  
> also i like to watch you lovelies suffer  
> see you ~~in the comment section~~ next week byyyyee


	10. Of strange quarrels and Halloween traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I kinda just offered it, I thought it couldn’t go bad,” he tries, clearly hoping for some kind of support from his friends, but he gets none.  
> “Look, if it has something to do with the fact, that you two are BFFs now-” Tyler gestures between Ry and Bren.  
> “Not BFFs,” Ryan huffs, trying his hardest not to blush.
> 
> Ryan was such a surprise for him. First of all, the fact that he was ready to visit his house was something he couldn’t have imagined just a month ago. And now, Brendon knows more about him than he probably does about Iero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy a prorper new chapter with a cute little cliffhanger in the end, enjoy <3  
> p.s. new chat names (also obvious but why not) in the end notes

When Ryan said it was okay for Brendon to sit with them, he didn’t mean from like the very next day. And didn’t mean others were welcomed, too.

“Heyyy everybody!” Pete Wentz calls out cheerfully as he’s approaching the table where Ryan and his friends are eating at. The good mood of the gang suddenly vanishes when Pete simply puts down his tray and sits right next to Ray.

“Erm, hi,” Hayley is the first to greet him, looking at him curiously but alarmed.

Pete turns around in his seat, peering into the mass of people in the cafeteria and his hand shoots up. “Hey, Bren, over here!” he yells, certainly turning heads in their direction. Ryan spots Brendon as he looks around to find the source of the voice. When he sees where Pete is, his otherwise neutral face turns into a pained expression. He quickly walks to them, and Ry knows he’s about to apologise on Pete’s behalf. He’d say it’s not necessary but looking at his friends, it might not be true.

“Hello,” Brendon greets them, obviously uncomfortable by the sudden crowd of people looking at him questioningly. Ryan _feels_ Patrick smugly smiling next to him.

“Hey, Brendon,” Tyler and Josh reciprocate at the same time. Pete looks at them with an amused expression.

“Woah, that was kinda creepy.”

“They do it all the time,” Andy shrugs and continues eating. Seemingly he’s the only one who’s unaffected by the sudden company. He and Ryan are.

“Come on, sit down,” Ryan tells Bren but nobody really pays attention to them.

“Yeah, I know spending a lot of time together makes people alike, like you two must be great friends because you have matching hair,” Pete goes on pointing out the similarity between Hayley and Josh.

“Oh, so you have eyes now,” Hayley smiles sardonically as she slips closer to Andy. She kind of still keeps a distance from Pete, even though he’s sitting the farthest away from her, on the other end of the table.

“Hays, what was that about being _nicer_ the other day?” Ray asks with a smirk and all of them know what he’s referring to.

“Oh, shut up,” she huffs but leaves Pete alone.

“Yeah, nicer would be pretty... nice,” Pete nods, gesturing towards Ray with his hand. “We didn’t come here uninvited, after all,” he says as he gives Ryan a telling glance.

“I-” Ry begins but stops after everyone looks at him expectantly. “I kinda just offered it, I thought it couldn’t go bad,” he tries, clearly hoping for some kind of support from his friends, but he gets none.

“Look, if it has something to do with the fact, that you two are BFFs now-” Tyler gestures between Ry and Bren.

“Not BFFs,” Ryan huffs, trying his hardest not to blush. “It’s a truce, it benefiting for both- for _all_ of us-”

“Benefiting?” Brendon asks quietly and Ry immediately regrets his choice of words.

“Yeah, it’s been really fucking benefiting for us lately,” Pete licks the corner of his mouth where the wound is still visible.

“Good to know you got nothing positive out of it, Pete,” Mikey speaks, first time since the two appeared and the others immediately go silent. He doesn’t look up from his lunch. Ryan is not sure what he sees on this face isn’t hurt.

“Shit, that’s not what I meant,” Pete says quickly in a hushed tone, looking worried at Mikey. Ryan still hasn’t found out anything about the relationship of the two but maybe now, he thinks.

“Forget it,” Mikey shakes his head, returning to his bitchface.

“Oh, shit, what’s going on?” Josh asks, exchanging a look with Tyler.

“Mikeyway-”

“No,” Mikey doesn’t let Pete finish what he wanted to say. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now, and certainly not _here_.”

And with that, Mikey stands up, grabs his bag and leaves. They see him exiting the cafeteria, and Ryan catches Pete staring after him miserably. He doesn’t say a thing, just stumbles away from the table and rushes after Mikey. The others just watch it and clearly nobody has any explanation.

“Okayyy,” Patrick looks at the others, but Ry knows mainly him. “What the heck was that?”

“I always said Mikey had more to him than the shy boy he wanted us to see,” Ray shrugs. “Pete found him, I think.”

“Well, looks like we have a poet now,” Andy adds in and they start teasing Ray about it. Except for Brendon.

 

“I think I should go,” Bren nudges Ryan in the arm and takes his backpack on.

“You could stay,” Ry offers and he looks like he’s about to add something but he doesn’t.

“I don’t think so,” Brendon grimaces and nods towards Patrick who’s been listening to their every word and now tries to busy himself with his lunch. “It’s been- should I say nice?”

“Shut it,” Ryan rolls his eyes and punches Bren on the arm. “Maybe next time.”

“So eager to get me to sit with you,” Brendon shakes his head as the sign of disapproval. “Don’t you dare thinking that I’ll share my fame with you, though.”

“More like infamy,” Ryan nods towards the other table, just a few away from them, where Joe, Bob and the others are sitting. The injured two are obviously watching them, an ugly expression on the latter’s face. Maybe it’s just his _face_ , Bren thinks.

“Well, better than being grey, right?” he grins at Ry and the Ross boy smiles back with what almost looks like affection. Before that one little butterfly in his stomach could win, he quickly says his goodbyes and leaves the cafeteria.

His way leads him to his locker. He’s thinking about last night as his feet takes him there without him having to pay attention.

Ryan was such a surprise for him. First of all, the fact that he was ready to visit his house was something he couldn’t have imagined just a month ago. And now, Brendon knows more about him than he probably does about Iero. He knows about his band obsession, his burning desire to get a dog, how much he loves cheese and Candy Crush, and so on.

Bren couldn’t stop thinking about him all day.

His pocket buzzes suddenly. He pulls out his phone to see he has 2 new messages.

_Private chat with them: allaboutthebass_

**allaboutthebass:** missing you so much utah is crazy boring without you

_Private chat with them: guyliner_

**guyliner:** how do u tell someone to fuck off but also that u like them a lot

Typical. Both of them, Bren thinks. Pete only texts him when he needs his famously glamorous advice on relationships and Dallon only texts him when he suddenly misses him after not texting for days, _totally_ not for the sexting this time, obviously. He tried to ignore the fact that he actually has a boyfriend for some days now. It’s much easier than dealing with feeling lonely and abandoned.

**bohemian blasphemy:** i miss you too, come home soon babe

But does he really wish for that? Because frankly, his life is more complicated than ever, even with his secret boyfriend gone for 2 weeks already. Does he miss him? Of fucking course. Is he afraid what will happen when Dallon comes home? Sure as fuck he is. But he has to face the fact that relationships are not the easiest things to keep.

And, apparently, he’s not the only one struggling.

**bohemian blasphemy:** i dunno pete

**bohemian blasphemy:** try snogging him against a wall?

What the hell is Pete’s new fixation on Mikey Way? Even without Ryan pointing it out, Bren caught the looks Pete threw Mikey during classes or in the cafeteria but he actually believed he was hallucinating.

**guyliner:** what makes u think hes a he

_bohemian blasphemy is typing..._

**bohemian blasphemy:** ur a shitty liar

**bohemian blasphemy:** also last time i checked that was mikeys pronoun

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** its not mikeyway shut up

**bohemian blasphemy:** really peter

**bohemian blasphemy:** really

**guyliner:** dont call me peter u sound like my mom

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** so what if its him

**bohemian blasphemy:** nothing

_bohemian blasphemy is typing..._

**bohemian blasphemy:** wow u actually admitted it wtf

**guyliner:** yeah whatevs

**bohemian blasphemy:** well its fine really

**guyliner:** yes i know

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** thanks

**bohemian blasphemy:** ur welcome dude

So it really is. Well then. So much gay.

And his boyfriend is not even in town.

 

“Ryan?” Patrick asks and looks at him with an impatient expression. Ry realises they’re all looking at him like he was asked a question to answer. Which might be the case, to tell the truth.

“Sorry, spaced out for a moment.”

“For like the fourth time in half an hour,” Tyler mumbles knowingly to Josh who just grins at him. Ryan ignores them. Lovesick idiots.

They’re at McDonald’s, arrived right after school, like two hours ago. They left the cafeteria with empty stomachs because talking about Mikey and Pete was much more interesting than the dry pasta they had. They texted Mikey who joined them there, hell knows where he had been. Ryan suspects Pete gave him a lift in his tacky car. They might have had a make-out session before Pete dropped him out here because Mikey is lost in his smartphone, even more than usual.

“We were talking about this weekend,” Andy tells him, dipping a fry into his McFreeze. Hey, don’t judge. 21st century virtuosity.

“Yeah, what about it?” Ry doesn’t look up from his chicken nuggets but tosses them around on his plate.

“The out-of-town-trip-to-the-Dun-manor-because-it’s-Halloween-and-it’s-all-scarier-in-the-forest annual thing we have, like, you know, every year?” Patrick helps him with a sigh.

“What?” Mikey suddenly lifts his head from his phone. “It’s- Halloween’s this weekend?”

“I’m surrounded by idiots,” Hayley puts her forehead in her hands.

“Yeah, Mikey, it is,” Josh shakes his head, to demonstrate his deep disappointment. “Considering your kink for horrors, you should know.”

“He _would_ ,” Ryan smiles smugly at Mikey who’s clearly having none of it. “If he wasn’t so up in Wentz’s ass-“

“ _You’re_ fucking one to talk, Ross,” Ray tells him with a smirk.

“Yeah, Ry, I don’t think you’re in the position to judge,” Patrick gives him a side glance and Ryan’s mouth hangs open. Who did this suddenly turn against him?

“What are you even-“

“Can we just go back to discussing my boyfriend’s manor?” Tyler cuts Ry off and takes a sip from his diet coke. Josh smiles adoringly at him and Tyler just lays his head on his shoulder.

“You’re suffocating the rare straight girl at this table with your queerness,” Hayley agonises over her salad.

“Oh, come on, Hays, we all know you’d take Nestor for a round or two,” Ray grins dirtily at her and gets hit on the back of his head by Andy.

“Wouldn’t poke that chick with a stick,” she grimaces and pushes her tray away from herself. “I can’t even _eat_ when you say things like that.”

“Oh, I can,” Patrick grabs Hayley’s salad and starts eating it while looking at the others. “So, about the trip…?”

“It’s Thursday already, guys, shouldn’t we put it off to next week?”

“No fucking way, it’s _Halloween_ ,” Tyler reasons.

“What is this whole thing about, anyway?” Mikey asks, a bit confused.

“My family has a weekend house in the forest, up in the mountains,” Josh explains. “It’s not a manor, as Trick said, not even big but it’s kinda creepy at night. We go up there every Halloween since we have the gang, so this year, you’re coming, too,” he sums it up.

“But I spend every Halloween with Gee,” Mikey says. “It’s just a thing that we do, we watch a shit ton of horrors and stay up all night… it’s a brothers’ thing,” he explains.

“Well, bring him, too,” Hayley shrugs. “One guy plus, who cares?”

Ryan thinks about Dan. Should he ask him to join them? Would it be too strange? They text daily since the date, he’s really sweet but suggestive at the same time and Ryan doesn’t know what this thing will turn into, with or without a weekend spent together.

“Yeah, maybe,” Mikey says, stirring his coffee in his paper cup. “I’ll ask him.”

“Peachy,” Ray grins. “Now, let’s talk about Wentz.”

The whole table of seven stares at him, hungry for answers. Even Andy looks interested, and if someone gets him like that, it must be huge.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Mikey replies simply.

“Oh, fuck off,” Hayley waves him off. “We all know it’s an _enormous_ lie. So spill.”

“Why do you even care?” Mikey looks at them, bitchface fully on.

“Because we’re, like, your squad?” Patrick offers and Ryan knows he’s about to smack Mikey the fuck up because _seriously?!_

“Oh, come on, you can’t deny you two have something going on,” Josh pokes him on the arm with a suggestive smile and wiggles his eyebrow.

“We really not.”

“Prove it,” Andy says in a quiet voice and all heads spin to look at him.

“Woah,” Ray says with wide eyes. “Mikey-yikey, I’d stop messing around.”

“Don’t ever call me _that_ again,” Mikey warns him, then turns to Andy. “Okay. What do you want from me?”

They all start thinking feverishly. They need something final, something to make Mikey admit they _do_ have something, because frankly, the tension is going to kill them one of these days.

“Bring him to the Dun Manor, too,” Ryan offers at last.

“Oh, yas,” Patrick grins, eyes widening in excitement.

“Yes, that’d do it,” Tyler grins contently. Ry know what he’s thinking. If they don’t have anything going on now – which is pretty fucking impossible –, they _will_ have by the end of the weekend.

“Great,” Hayley groans. “Some more sex noises. Joshler is enough to freak me out already. That place has _paper walls_ , seriously” she gives Josh and Ty a whining look but the boys don’t really care, they grin at each other and Josh leans in for a kiss from his boyfriend.

“I think you forget that I’m still here,” Mikey intervenes.

“Should we vote about the idea?” Andy offers, ignoring Mikey.

“It’s a hell yeah from me,” Ray grins, taking a bite of his cheeseburger.

“I some new ships, so yes,” Patrick nods.

“Yeah, there’s plenty of space up there, why not?” Josh shrugs but smiles.

“Yes, absolutely yes,” Tyler nods repeatedly.

“Fine, yes, bring your boy,” Hayley rolls her eyes but Ryan knows she’s secretly interested in how this will turn out.

“What do you say, _Mikeyway_?” Ry asks and Mikey abruptly looks up at him.

“Okay. Will that shut you all up?” he asks finally, looking around.

“Most likely,” Andy replies.

“Alright,” Mikey sighs, like it takes him a lot of effort to stop himself from hitting all their heads in the table. “Pete comes to the Manor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on a scale form Mikey to Patrick how excited are you for the Manor trip?  
> EDIT: the Manor trip that's going to have a double chapter because i'm overwriting this whole thing
> 
> allaboutthebass - Dallon  
> guyliner - Pete  
> bohemian blasphemy - Bren


	11. Of getting together and drifting apart (part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirts are flying off, jeans are ripped open and Ryan doesn’t really know how they got here.  
> All he knows is that he’s just had his first kiss, his first making out and it’s the first time he sees someone else’s cock in the flesh.
> 
> “It’s about me. Would you let your best mate embarrass himself in front of a boy for a whole weekend?” Pete asks with puppy eyes and Brendon has to think about it. Because, you know, somebody has to finally put Pete and Mikey together and since Ryan is seemingly unable to do so, the job is his to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first half of the Manor double-chapter, please enjoy because i loved writing it

Brendon and Pete are sitting in Bren’s bedroom in the evening, on Thursday. It’s mostly because Pete can’t stand staying at home with his posh parents. Also because they’ve finally realised that they have nobody else left so they might as well be best friends now.

“I liked that bit,” Pete hums and Brendon looks up from his guitar. He didn’t think Pete was paying attention, being so lost in his smartphone.

“Thanks.”

“Is that an original?”

“Erm, no,” Bren shakes his head and that’s when he realises he’s been trying to play the chords to the song Ryan played in the school studio. Pete shrugs and goes back to his phone. He’s been smiling at it a lot and Brendon must comment on it. “You look really happy now.”

Pete glances up from the screen and gives him a small smile.

“I guess I am,” he says quietly, then returns to his chat. Bren is not sure he should ask but Pete is faster to talk anyway. “What the hell?” he looks up with wide eyes. “Oh god.”

“What?” Brendon frowns, putting down his guitar.

“Mikeyway wants me to join his gang on a weekend trip to the forest,” Pete mutters and his voice is terrified. Brendon tries but fails to keep back his grin. “It’s not funny, you fucker!” Pete tells him with an offended expression.

“I think it’s adorable,” Bren chuckles. “You have to go, it’s a great idea.”

“What are you even _thinking_?” Pete squeaks and looks at Bren as if he was totally nuts. “Me and that squad… I want to go with Mikeyway, _gosh_ I do, but-“ he stops, eyes wide and shining. “You. Come with me.”

Brendon puts up a finger, “No. Way. In. Hell,”

No. Just no. Squads and sleepovers are not something Bren does.

“Oh, _pleeeeease_ ,” Pete pleads. “Ryan’s gonna be there, too, and-“

“Why would you think I care that he’ll be there?” Bren asks instantly but Pete gives him a look that shuts him up.

“Then it’s not about Ryan,” Pete goes on. “It’s about _me_. Would you let your best mate to embarrass himself in front of a boy for a whole weekend?” Pete asks with puppy eyes and Brendon has to think about it. Because, you know, somebody _has_ to finally put Pete and Mikey together and since Ryan is seemingly unable to do so, the job is his to do.

“Fine,” he gives in and Pete jumps up to envelope him in a bone crushing bear-hug. Bren, almost suffocating, blurts out, “but not the whole weekend. Only from, like, Saturday evening.”

 

Friday, 5:48 pm. Ray parks Patrick’s van (Patrick’s mother’s van) in the middle of the forest, in front of the Dun Manor. The gang gets out to take their luggage out of the back of the van.

“It _is_ pretty creepy,” Mikey sums it up when they get inside. It really isn’t big, it only has four bedrooms, a living room/dining room/kitchen and a bathroom. Its ancient-looking stone walls are covered with ivy from the outside. The door is creaky and the winds blow through the cracks between the windows and their sills. The walls from the inside have all sorts of trophies and pictures of Mr Dun holding freshly shot animals in his hands, grinning widely.

“Is it always this cold in here?” Tyler asks, dropping his bags off in one of the rooms he and Josh claimed as their own.

“You ask it every year, babe,” Josh chuckles and gives him a peck on his cheek.

“One strong gentleman could cut some wood for the fireplace, really,” Hayley prompts, pulling her leather jacket tighter around herself. Did she expect the old house up in the forest to be warmer than her home in the town? Ryan hopes that’s not how she actually packed for the weekend.

“Say no more, m’lady,” Ray gives her a grin and walks out to the pile of firewood next to the house. Hayley rolls her eyes but doesn’t complain.

“So it’s four bedrooms,” Ryan starts counting on his fingers as he throws himself down on the couch. “One for Joshler as usual, one for Hays and Andy, one for Mikey, Gee, and Pete in a sleeping bag, one for me, Trick, and Ray in a sleeping bag. Objection?” he finishes, looking up at the others.

“Andy and Hayley next door? We’re gonna have to drown them out, hon,” Tyler observes, and Ry sees how Hayley and Andy exchange a prompt look before turning away quickly. It reminds him how much he hates it when people communicate without words.

“Which reminds me,” Hayley asks suddenly, turning to Mikey who’s leaning against the back of the sofa. “What about our favourite emo heartthrob?” she asks with a mischievous smile and her kind-of-worried expression evaporates.

“He only comes on Saturday,” Mikey replies, certainly not approving the fact that he and Pete will be sleeping in the same room.

“And Gerard?” Patrick adds in, taking off his fedora and throwing it on the counter with a movement that suggest he considers himself at home.

“They’re coming later tonight because he works late.”

“ _They_?” Andy frowns.

“Yeah, Dan gives him a lift.”

All eyes land on Ryan who just stares and feels his cheeks heat up.

“Why, is he staying, too?” his voice is kind of hoarse. He didn’t invite Dan. He didn’t know about this, neither did he calculate the sudden meeting in.

“Nah. Gee can’t drive for shit, he needs Dan to drive him,” Mikey shrugs, not commenting on Ry’s blush. Well then, Ryan thinks. He’s just coming and going. It should be fine.

“So we gonna have at least three couples at a time in here,” Ryan draws the conclusion, entering the house. He must be looking for the axe. “Should have brought Christa.”

 

Ryan and Patrick are preparing dinner when Dan’s blood-red sports car stops in front of the Manor – they’ll never actually stop calling it that. Ryan stands in the best place to see through the glass door how Dan Keyes gets out of his car, hair just ruffled by the sudden wind, wearing his huge back coat-

“And here we can see a really turned on Ryro,” Patrick chuckles next to Ryan and nobody should be able to fucking chuckle while cutting onions.

“I forbid you to use that nickname.”

“Hey, kiddos, anyone home?” Gerard Way opens the door with the highly unnecessary question since he could see straight through it anyway. Well, he _is_ wearing sunglasses at dusk in autumn, but still.

“Hey, Gee,” Patrick grins at the redhead widely. He holds his hand out for a shake too enthusiastically and accidentally knocks over a beer bottle. It ends up shattering into a thousand pieces on the kitchen floor, beer flowing everywhere.

Patrick goes as red as a tomato, not looking at Gerard in the eye and Ryan finds it hilarious.

“It won’t clean up itself, Pattycakes,” he hums as he pulls the plate of cut onion away from him before he could destroy that one as well.

“I’m so sorry,” Patrick mumbles to Gee and Ryan tries not to get offended. He’s being totally ignored here. And it was _his_ beer, by the way.

“No problem, gorgeous,” Gerard flashes him a smile that would make even Ry’s pants tight if he weren’t more excited about the blond beauty just entering the house.

“It’s your stuff, asshole,” Dan throws a dark green suitcase on the couch, huffing. “Hey guys,” he greets when he looks up, finding Ryan’s eyes immediately and Ry knows he must look like Patrick now. Dan smiles at him and Ryan tries to concentrate on the onions. He still has some breakfast for dinner to make.

 

“Then all of the milk came back through his nose!” Gerard starts to giggle in an impossibly high tone, swinging his beer all around. Ryan sees a very flushed Patrick smiling at him as if he was the sweetest thing to look at in the whole world. When he realises he’s staring, he just looks down at his lap and sips his whiskey coke.

“Aww, I can almost see it,” Ray coos at Mikey who just shoves him in the chest, then buries his face in his hands.

“Someone, please stop him,” he murmurs, clearly in agony.

“Come on, Mikes, I’ve known you for seven years,” Dan grins at him from behind his and Ry’s cards. “Seriously, there’re some _way_ more embarrassing stories than this one.”

Ryan snuggles closer to Dan at the warm and comforting light of the fireplace, feeling his head too light and fingers numb. He’s a bit drunk already, after a beer and a vodka. He’s far from the worst in the room, though. Tyler keeps touching Josh in inappropriate places, Patrick is inching closer and closer to Gerard and even Andy says some nonsense shit while Hayley is dying of laughter next to him. Dan’s arm is around him lazily, and Ry’s happy he’s had some liquid confidence before getting into this position.

The poker game is falling apart and Ryan is pretty glad because he needs to get away from them. He needs to compose himself because being this close to Dan makes his skin burn with something more than just alcohol.

“Darlings, I think we gonna go to sleep,” Tyler tells them, throwing their two cards on the floor. Ryan sees they had a pair of queens. Josh stands up, helping his boyfriend up as well.

“Yup, definitely _sleep_ ,” Gee murmurs and Patrick giggles like a school girl. Tyler just pokes his tongue out at them, takes Josh’s hand and with a couple of goodnights they walk off to their room.

The pair is out of the game, then.

“We’ll call it a night, too,” Hayley gets up from the other end of the couch and tries to put his hand on Andy’s shoulder but misses and accidentally grabs his hair. Andy just chuckles at it and stands up from where he’s been sitting by Hayley’s feet. “Ciao, losers,” she mumbles, wiping her eyes clumsily. Andy puts an arm around her waist to steady her – because she actually needs it – and they leave as well.

Ryan thinks about how back in first year, right before their first Halloween trip here, he and Ray were not sure whether Hayley would be able to blend in and would feel okay in their company. Turned out pretty okay, he sees it now.

“I think it’s time for me to drive home,” Dan announces, talking a side glance at Ryan.

“What?!” Gerard asks in a way too high tone and Mikey touches his ear with a pained expression. “No it’s not, you’re fuckin’ drunk!”

“I didn’t drink a thing,” Dan shows Gee his almost empty cup of coke.

“But still,” Ray says and he doesn’t even sound that drunk. “You can sleep in our room. I have my sleeping bag,” he says, petting the rolled-up bag next to him. Why did he even take it from their room in the first place?

“And Trick?” Ryan asks with a confused face. It just doesn’t add up.

“Sleep in ours, hon,” Gerard slides a hand up on Patrick’s arm and he grins widely in response.

“I’ll be fine, Ry,” Patrick nods and Ryan is _sure_ he will. “Dan, stay. It’s late and dark and the forest can be dangerous, you know,” he says in a really convincing voice.

“Not unless Ryan says so.”

“Come on, man, tell him it’s fine,” Mikey gives him a smug smile and Ryan knows it’s kind of a revenge for the nerd. He doesn’t give in so easily, though.

“Would you like to stay?” Ry asks, looking at Dan in the eyes and thinking something about a lake but, you know, whatever.

“Would you like me to stay?” Dan raises a quite confident eyebrow at him, smiling as always.

“Would you like it?”

“Would you mind?”

“But would _you_ like to stay?” Ryan emphasizes and giggles. He’s impossible.

“Say it,” Dan grins and the others around them are holding their breaths but Ry really doesn’t care about them.

“Fine, okay,” he gives in, laughing. “Dan, please stay the night.”

 

Shirts are flying off, jeans are ripped open and Ryan doesn’t really know how they got here.

All he knows is that he’s just had his first kiss, his first making out and it’s the first time he sees someone else’s cock in the flesh.

Lying side by side in the dark, the single bed is too small for the two of them, Dan is fully naked next to Ry and he’s actually just confessed that no, he’s not a virgin. Unlike Ryan who now totally feels like a miserable loser.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dan says with a smile and kisses him, his lips warm and slick and Ry decides he likes that part a lot. Dan’s hand slips up on his torso, finding his nipple and rolling it softly between his fingers. Ryan sighs into the kiss and places his hand on Dan’s lower stomach.

He wants to do this, because _god_ how did they even get here, how did _he_ even get to do this with a guy like Dan, but- the alcohol and the courage it brought are about to wear off.

“I might be ruining the mood,” Dan mumbles against his lips and he just stops thinking. “But I have to ask,” he goes on, fingers still playing with the nipple.

“Yeah?” Ry asks and tries to keep a straight but quiet tone. They don’t need the others to hear them.

“Do you want to, you know, do _this_ ,” he motions between the two of them, “us, when we leave the bedroom?”

“Yes,” Ryan replies without thinking. He has no idea if that’s the right answer but he wants it to be.

“Because, you know, the college is like fucking far away,” Dan kisses Ry’s neck. “I can’t drive back every weekend.”

Ryan feels something in his stomach drop but he just says, acting as cool as he can, “We’ve had this conversation, if I’m right,” he says is a pretty composed voice. “It lasts as long as it does. It’s fine,” he only says it because he knows that’s what Dan wants to hear and he wants to please him.

Dan just smiles at it and his free hand grabs Ryan’s, gently guiding it towards his cock.

“I’ve never done it to- to anybody else,” Ry whispers and Dan just chuckles.

“The key is to be curious,” the blond boy prompts and leans down to lick Ryan’s nipple. The brunet lets a small whimper slip but keeps back his moan. He slips his hand around Dan’s cock, and-

“Holy _fuck_ , you’re huge,” Ryan groans.

“I told you,” Dan just smiles at him. Ry, after a moment of hesitation, starts jerking it. “That’s it,” Dan sighs and leans back on Ryan’s pillow. The younger boy is not sure it’s _that_ good, to be honest. The angle is awkward and uncomfortable and he’s so unsure of how to do this, as if he’s never even touched his own penis.

The blond boy leans over to Ry and kisses him, lips quickly getting wet again and Dan sucks on his tongue and _jesuschrist_ it’s something worth living for. Ryan starts pumping him harder, but Dan slows him down and breaks the kiss. Before Ry could ask why, Dan plants a small kiss on his neck, then starts biting the flesh there. The brunet actually moans and Dan chuckles against his skin.

“Not so loud,” the older boy whispers.

“I’m not loud, you’re loud,” Ryan knows his comeback is shitty but he couldn’t care less. “And no hickeys.”

Dan goes back to sucking and biting on his neck. The fire in Ry’s stomach intensifies and he starts jerking the blond in an increasing pace again. In return, Dan’s other hand inches down towards the younger boy’s half-hard, boxer-covered cock.

“No, don’t,” Ryan murmurs.

“Why not?”

“It would… break a boundary.”

“Oh, we’ve already broken that one,” Dan whispers against his skin and Ry faintly feels him smiling against his neck before he starts making another-

“Wait, are you leaving a hickey?” the brunet asks, pushing Dan away.

“I might be,” he plants a small kiss on Ryan’s lips before the younger boy starts playing with his balls in his other hand and Dan’s eyes flutter close, “Yeah, _just_ like that, god.”

“Is it any good?”

“Yeah,” Dan opens his eyes and smiles at Ryan who now feels his cock twitch in his pants. “Would you try it with your mouth?” he asks out of nowhere and Ry stops for a moment.

“No,” he’s not ready for that. Not this time, at least.

“Okay,” it’s all Dan says.

The brunet goes back to jacking him off. Dan now lowers himself to suck on Ry’s nipple again.

Ryan feels amazing. He really does.

It’s just- that something- is off. It’s not how he imagined it all would feel. Dan might sense it because he returns to Ryan’s lips. He bites in Ry’s lower lip and puts his hand on the back of his head to pull him closer.

After another minute of the hand job and making out, Ryan realises he is kind of bored. Is it possible? Why would he feel like that? He’s still not ready for Dan to touch him, though. Neither is he to give head.

Dan probably senses his feelings again because he mutters against his lips, “We can stop, if you’d like.”

Ry hesitates a bit before nodding. Dan pulls away and they stay laid for some moments, then the older boy sits up. Ryan lets him get up from the bed and Dan walks away to pick up his clothes from the floor. The brunet finds his shirt by the bed so he just puts it on and gets under the sheets. He doesn’t look as the blond dresses up and returns to the bed.

Dan lies on his back again, now fully clothed and Ryan is almost pushed up against the wall on the small single bed. Awkward silence falls on them and Ry feels like Dan doesn’t really want to touch him. Like, at all.

“I think I’ll leave in the morning,” the older boy says eventually.

“Okay.”

“Are we alright?”

“Yeah,” Ryan answers because he wants them to be.

“Cool.”

Seemingly all Dan needed was to be reassured. He gently runs a hand along the brunet’s arm. Ry positions himself to rest his head on the older boy’s shoulder and Dan puts his arm around Ryan’s torso. He doesn’t even want to draw a conclusion of this before tomorrow.

Even though he can’t feel the alcohol in his head now, his system certainly can. His eyes fall shut and he slowly drifts into dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i'm getting better at developing my characters, but please tell me what you think about it  
> also, comments literally make my life. just saying.


	12. Of getting together and drifting apart (part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ry, despite anything he might have said last night, feels hurt. He half-heartedly expected Dan to stay anyway. So maybe this is what it feels like to have a one night stand.
> 
> “But-“ Ray tries to come up with something. “We don’t even have enough place. I mean, you don’t have a- a sleeping bag as I see-”  
> “He can sleep in Gee’s place,” Mikey cuts him off. “Pete’ll take him back to town later today.”  
> “What? You’re leaving?” Patrick asks and Bren just now turns to look at him and finds the fedora boy sitting on a redhead’s lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does a chapter count as two chapters if it has twice as many words as a usual chapter?  
> i mean i really didn't want to make it this long but you know, it just happened  
> anyway, here're 4000+ words to the events of the Manor  
> also, three cheers for officialagentwashington who beta-read this chapter for me and found out how awful i am in English Grammar lol

Saturday, 12:27 pm.

“So… do you expect anything from this weekend?” Brendon suddenly grins at Pete as they’re making their way on the abandoned road in the forest. He’s actually impressed that Pete didn’t get lost so far.

“No! Of course not,” Pete looks at the rear-view and Bren sees a faint blush creeping up his neck. Well, yeah, quite an unexpected change of subject from talking about their old squad. Apparently, Spencer has been acting really strange around Bob and Joe, and Jamia became one of the quietest girls in the school.

Still, this topic is much more interesting.

“Pete, are you even _aware_ that you’re about to spend two and a half days with Mikey’s friends?” Brendon asks, laughing. “The nosiest, loudest, most gossiping and _nosiest_ gang of nerds you could ever bump into?”

Pete’s expression freezes for a moment, then he looks like he’s just bit into a lemon. “ _Fuuuuck_ ,” he whines. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asks and Brendon genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if he meant it. “So, like, any time I’ll try to be alone with Mikeyway, they-”

“They’re gonna stand behind the door, listening to it. Probably taking notes,” Bren enjoys a bit too much how much how all colours run from Pete’s face as he goes on. “Writing fanfics, taking some sneaky pictures-”

“Jeez, okay, I get it!” Pete cuts him off. They actually just stop in front of the weekend house and he sighs, “Guess it’s too late to change my mind, right?”

“Damn right.”

 

When Ryan wakes up, it’s already 11:29 am. He lies in his bed for some moments because wow, he isn’t even hungover.

Also, Dan is gone.

Ry, despite anything he might have said last night, feels hurt. He half-heartedly expected Dan to stay anyway. So maybe this is what it feels like to have a one night stand.

“Why would a guy licking your face make your dizziness any better?” Ray asks from somewhere behind his door. Ryan hears some laughs and decides he needs to get out of bed. He gets up and walks to the door, on his way realising he needs to put on pants. After doing so he slowly opens the door to find almost everybody sitting by the fireplace.

“Only Tyler would make up things like that,” Patrick shakes his head and sips something that looks like mug soup. He’s sitting on Gerard’s lap and Ryan doesn’t even know why he’s surprised.

“Oh, our fav lover boy’s up,” Mikey greets Ry with a nod, and everybody turns to look at him.

“Morning, guys,” Ryan gives them a smile, morning voice husky. He can see various things on his friends’ faces. Patrick beams at him, Gee smiles like he knows everything, Hayley and Ray just look concerned and Andy doesn’t really show any emotion, like Mikey. “Ty and Josh?”

“Having a make out session. Because of reasons,” Andy motions towards their room.

“But hey, _Ryro_ , don’t even try to change the subject,” Patrick grins widely and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Erm, can we just- not talk about it right now?” he asks and sits down next to Andy on the rug.

“What you two did, that’d be another story,” Hayley is quick to save him, teasing Trick.

“Oh, nothing grand,” Gerard shrugs. “Just some kissing and cuddling-“

“Okay, I really don’t need to know that,” Mikey rolls his eyes. “Please do not tell us more.”

“Duh, hello? Ace here?” Patrick waves a hand at Mikey. “There _was_ some cuddling, though,” he adds and exchanges a sweet look with Gee.

“Well, I’m so very happy that everybody here had an awesome night,” Ray nods, acknowledging that he basically wasted two nights he could’ve spent with his girlfriend.

“Yeah, right,” Mikey grimaces. “Because spending ten hours with you drooling all over my pullover in your sleep is marvellous.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry you have to wait some more hours till your boyfriend’s around,” Ray pokes Mikey with a finger and the younger Way seemingly couldn’t be bothered to correct him. He just looks so fed up with this whole thing.

“Uh, guys, so,” Hayley talks in a quieter voice and it catches everybody’s attention, “we,” she motions between herself and Andy, who just nods at her questioning expression, “we’ve been talking about… about _us_.”

“What happened?” Ryan asks, frowning at the pinkhead.

“We decided to… just go back to friendship.”

Everyone stops for a moment.

“What?” Patrick blinks, not totally sure his ears are working all right.

“We broke up, kind of?” Andy speaks. “I don’t think it ever was a proper relationship.”

“Just holding hands and kissing,” Hayley nods in agreement. “Back to being friends.”

“But… do these things work?” Ray looks between them. “I mean, it can become awkward and all that…”

“Yeah, we’ve calculated that in,” Andy nods.

“It will be okay,” Hayley smiles and sighs, like she’s just got rid of a huge burden.

“Well, if you’re sure,” Mikey speaks, clearly not convinced.

“Shut up, Mikes,” Patrick waves him off. “I love to hear people actually using their mouths for communication.”

“Not just sucking on each other’s face?” Gerard asks and nuzzles Patrick’s neck with his nose. Mikey gives a gagging sound but his brother doesn’t mind, just keeps poking the brightly blushed Patrick’s side with a finger.

“I think I’m gonna go and take a shower,” Ryan says actually. He doesn’t comment on the situation, just smiles reassuringly at them and turns around, heading back to his room. He grabs a towel and his phone.

Walking through the living room, from the corner of his eye he catches the sight of Hayley staring at him intensely, but he concentrates on his phone, opening his texts as he locks the door behind himself. His friends are back to some other subjects but the closed door keeps out almost all the noises.

Ry got a good morning text from Dan, saying he hoped he had a good time last night. Ryan takes a look at himself in the mirror and his eyes instantly wander over his neck. Two purple little hickeys against his pale skin. Awesome.

_i’ll need to cover up my fucking hickeys_

He takes off his shirt while waiting for an answer and his pants, too. He examines himself a bit more. He has a mop of hair on the top of his head but it’s nothing new. His eyeliner is smudged around his eyes, his face even paler than usual.

**i barely even did a thing. barely.**

_whatever. i'll just have a scarf on_

**have you met your friends yet?**

_yeah, looked at me in a funny way_

**wonder why**

Ryan smiles at it. He has a funny feeling in his stomach, though. He has to ask because he’s clueless.

_hey, don't judge. i'm a good kid. what should i tell them anyway?_

This time it takes Dan a bit longer to answer. Ry waits patiently, observing his reflection. He also discovers another hickey above his left nipple.

**that we watched some porn. because after those noises you made they sure will be suspicious**

_shut up, they won’t. but really, if they ask about us_

**that we had some fun together. that's it.**

He tries to ignore the bitter taste in his mouth.

_yeah, sure_

**and that it was you who started it of course**

_yeah, clearly. cuz you were so keen on leaving in the middle of the night... also, i'm kinda busy rn so…_

**yeah. you know, you can call me anytime you’re staying there**

_sure will do_

**hope you'll be alone in the house then**

Ryan rolls his eyes and puts his phone next to the sink before opening the tap of the shower.

 

“Here we go,” Brendon mutters under his breath as he gets out of the car. The house is quite big but Bren wouldn’t have expected it to be this lived-down, to be honest. He only has a backpack for his things, just like Pete. He locks the car and the two of them make it up to the door. Pete gives a double knock on the glass and they wait.

And frankly, Bren lies to himself and says he’s not even a bit afraid of this twenty-something hours he’s going to spend here.

Mikey pulls away the curtains of the door and after seeing it’s them, he opens it.

“Pete, hey,” he says warmly and Brendon isn’t sure it’s not the hint of a smile on his lips.

“Hi, Mikeyway,” Pete breaks into a grin and Bren feels almost all the tension his friend had a moment ago, melting away as he sees the kid. Pete would surely follow Mikey to the end of the world if the Way boy asked him and took his hand.

“Brendon,” Mikey nods towards him in a neutral manner. It’s the best Bren could’ve hoped for.

“Hey.”

Mikey steps back from the door so the two boys can get in. It’s much pleasanter inside, the fire dancing in the fireplace giving warmth.

“Hello, guys,” Pete says as he steps into the living room. Most of them open their mouths to greet Pete but they stop as they look at Brendon.

“What’s this?” Tyler turns to Mikey, confused.

“Brendon is staying, too,” Josh replies to it and for the first time since Pete asked him to come, it crosses Bren’s mind that they might not know about his arrival.

“Oh,” Tyler stops for a moment, then nods, face unreadable but Brendon suspects he feels left out of something by his own boyfriend.

“But-“ Ray tries to come up with something. “We don’t even have enough place. I mean, you don’t have a- a sleeping bag as I see-”

“He can sleep in Gee’s place,” Mikey cuts him off. “Pete’ll take him back to town later today.”

“What? You’re leaving?” Patrick asks and Bren just now turns to look at him and finds the fedora boy sitting on a redhead’s lap. Brendon’s never seen him, he must be someone’s friend.

“Yeah, ‘m sorry,” ‘Gee’ pouts at Patrick’s puppy eyes. “It’s a friend’s birthday and we’re throwing a surprise party. That’s why Dan left earlier, he’s kind of the head of it all. Well, we both are but I was too comfy this morning.”

“I mean, you could’ve told us,” Hayley gives Josh and Mikey a side-glance. “But you’re right, what is Halloween without good drama?” she pulls a face but lets it go. Bren catches Patrick desperately trying to find eye-contact with Mikey, as if he wanted to ask something. Mikey just pointedly looks away.

He doesn’t get to guess what about, because – what must be – the bathroom’s door opens and a very dripping and gorgeous Ryan Ross steps out. He has a towel around his waist and one covering his head with which he’s ruffling his hair.

“Sorry guys, I think I used up all the warm water for today,” he speaks, voice muffled by the thick towel. Nobody says a thing, they’re just exchanging glances and Hayley and Gee are clearly keeping back their giggles. He throws the towel from his hair on his shoulder and combs his hair back with his fingers. “And why’s it so cold in he-“

Ryan freezes, literally, with his mouth open and eyes wide, staring at Bren. Brendon feels his face heat up and he purposely tries to look at anything but Ry. Which is fucking hard, to tell the truth. His hair looks good even this tangled, his bare torso and arms and legs are just too pretty for Brendon to ignore.

“Hey, Ryan,” Pete greets him and smiles, trying to break the awkwardness or probably not even realising it. Bren is not sure Mikey didn’t cast a spell on the guy.

“H-hi,” Ryan replies but his eyes remain on Brendon. “You…?”

“He sleeps here tonight,” Josh speaks and his face is reflecting his fear of Ryan exploding that very moment. Now he must be sorry for not telling the others about his arrival.

“It’s…” Ryan starts but the word get stuck in his throat. He looks like he’s just realised he’s standing in the middle of the weekend house, only wearing a towel. His face slowly becomes as red as Brendon’s. “I-“

“Go and put your pants on,” Ray grins at him. Ryan kicks into motion. Pete steps away from his way and Ry tumbles into the room, closing the door behind himself.

“God, he looks like a tomato,” Tyler finally laughs, and Hayley and Ray join in. Gee just giggles but when he sees Patrick is not, he squeezes his knee. Mikey isn’t smiling or laughing either but Bren is not entirely sure he’s even capable of that.

“So, Brendon,” Andy turns to him as the others stop laughing. “Why exactly are you here?”

 

“Who thought this would be a good idea?” Brendon asks with a pained expression.

All ten of them are in Mikey’s room. When Pete returned from taking Gee home – Bren still didn’t know his full name but whatever –, he knocked on Mikey’s door and went in to talk in private which was impossible, of course. They managed to spend like six minutes together, then Tyler couldn’t resist it anymore and stood by the door and eavesdropped. Josh _had_ to join and when Ray decided he needed to hear everything as well, the silence and all became too suspicious for Mikey. He opened the door, unamused by his friends spying on him, and asked them if they wanted to come in. The answer was, obviously, yes.

Ryan, Patrick and Brendon joined in after a half an hour of them exchanging shitty Halloween stories, and Andy and Hayley went in because of the too loud laughs, so the gang came together.

Where the empty beer bottle came from, nobody knows.

“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun! I spin first,” Ray say happily and spins the bottle on the wooden floor. The round goes like: Ray, Ryan, Hayley, Patrick, Andy, Josh, Tyler, Brendon, Pete and Mikey. Brendon has an awful feeling about it all because he doesn’t want to make Ryan feel even worse about him staying than he probably already does. They seem to be okay for the time being but Bren constantly fears it can change, like, at any moment.

The bottle spins and spins before slowly coming to a stop with its mouth pointing at Patrick.

“No, guys, I don’t really want to-“ he protests..

“I don’t care, Patty, truth or dare?” Ray asks, waving him off.

“Truth,” Patrick sighs.

“Do you like Gee?” Ray asks instantly and he looks so pleased with himself. “I mean _like_ like?”

“No,” Patrick replies, face all serious and still, and before anyone could ask another question, he quickly spins the bottle. Ray pouts as if he’s not really satisfied with the answer but doesn’t say anything else. Brendon catches his breath while watching the bottle for a moment but then it slows down and he exhales as it stops on Josh.

“Dare,” the pinkhead grins and Tyler next to him gasps.

“Think about it, Patrick,” Ty warns him, but it’s not necessary because Patrick clearly doesn’t want to play games right now.

“Kiss Tyler on the neck,” he tells Josh with a gesture saying it’s all the same for him. The pinkhead just leans over happily and plants a small kiss on his boyfriend’s neck. Tyler closes his eyes and shudders and Brendon actually has to swallow. He hasn’t really seen another gay couple in real life. He has to say they look pretty hot.

“Okay, my turn,” Josh detaches himself from Tyler and spins the bottle. Bren promptly looks up at Ryan, who is actually already watching him. The both of them look away instantly and the bottle stops eventually. On Pete.

Almost everybody breaks into a grin as it does, Josh smiling like someone who knows they have a power others don’t.

“Erm,” Pete looks a bit lost for a moment. “I dunno.”

“It’s easy, genius,” Ryan teases, rolling his eyes. “Truth or dare?”

“I guess…” he mumbles and it takes him a lot not to look at Mikey, Brendon can see it. “Dare.”

“Kiss Mikey,” comes the command right away and Pete looks like he didn’t even expect that. “Five seconds, lips to lips, otherwise it doesn’t count.”

Pete stares at Josh for a moment before turning to Mikey. The Way boy, however, doesn’t look impressed.

“Well done, douchebags,” Mikey murmurs before looking at Pete in the eyes. “Come on,” he mumbles and leans in quickly, bringing his hand up to their mouths to cover them from the others.

“It’s cheating!” Hayley protests. Mikey and Pete don’t pull away, though, and even if they can’t see it, Bren can tell they’re doing it for real. Pete’s body language reflects all the feelings that run through him and that’s a pretty wide range.

Brendon thinks about his first kiss with a boy. It was Dallon, actually. They were at Dal’s bedroom, listening to some cheesy rock ballad and Dallon just pulled Bren on his lap and kissed him gently. It was almost half a year ago and it still makes Brendon shiver. He has kissed girls before that but it never felt like this. He wonders if it’s Pete’s first kiss with a boy. If it’s a first with Mikey. Because it certainly looks like that.

The five seconds are over and the lovebirds pull away, both of them blushed bright red. Mikey looks down at his lap but Pete seemingly can’t tear his eyes away from him. The others are cheering for them but they don’t seem to notice. Bren exchanges another glance with Ryan but it’s not awkward now, it actually feels like they’re on some kind of conspiracy together that nobody knows of. It makes Brendon’s insides warm and fuzzy. He hates himself for it.

 

“Tomorrow we’re going home,” Mikey observes, watching the fire of the fireplace and pulling the blanket tighter on himself. Pete sits at his feet on the floor, head resting on Mikey’s knees. It’s not even strange by now.

“Yeah,” Patrick says in a quiet voice. “Do you realise that this was our last Halloween here?”

“Wow,” Tyler replies, and Ryan doesn’t know how it came to this. They were talking about some funny nonsense just some minutes ago and now they’re crying over themselves getting old. Well, not literally. For now, at least.

“Hey, it doesn’t have to be,” Josh tells them. “The Manor will be here. And we’ll be friends after high school, too,” he tries to cheer them up but it doesn’t really work.

“Yeah but, you know, college will happen and shit,” Hayley shrugs and pulls her knees up to her chest. They’ve used up all the alcohol, maybe that’s the problem, Ryan thinks.

“Also, thank you for letting us come,” Pete adds, not really knowing what he should say.

“No problem,” Josh nods.

“No, really,” Brendon tells them. “We’re sorry for all those years and I hope you don’t think we’re actually that bad anymore. We really aren’t.”

He’s sitting by Ryan, their arms and legs touching. Ry doesn’t look up because he doesn’t trust himself enough for that.

“It’s okay, dude,” Ray tells him and stops for a moment because did he just call Brendon Urie _dude_?

“It is,” Andy nods and even smiles at Brendon.

“We appreciate that you stood up to Bryar,” Hayley says quietly. “I mean not a lot of you guys could’ve – or _would’ve_ done that.”

They stop for a moment in silence before Patrick gets up and tells them he’s going to sleep. Ray follows him, saying he’ll need his energy for driving tomorrow. Andy and Hayley offer them to sleep in their room, and nobody says but everybody knows it’s for Pete and Mikey. When Ryan wants to stand up, he feels Brendon’s fingers touching his hand, as a silent sign for him to stay. He does. Mikey takes Pete’s hand and gently pulls the blushing raven-haired boy towards their bedroom. After Josh and Tyler leave, too, it’s only Bren and Ryan left in the living room.

Ryan gets up to sit on the couch, and Brendon follows his example. The two of them watch the fire for some moments.

“You know, I’ve never actually apologised,” Bren says, keeping his gaze on the fireplace.

“You just did,” Ryan tells him, frowning. Brendon looks so handsome in the light of the fireplace, he’s been acting flirty and witty all day, smiling a lot at Ryan and the Ross boy is so confused. He knows he might be misreading the body language, but Bren is possibly trying to tell him something he won’t say with words.

“It was to them,” Brendon turns and locks eyes with Ry, whose chest feels like it’s suddenly too small for his lungs. Bren’s eyes reflect his seriousness and Ryan can see he’s truly sorry. “Not to you.”

“Well,” Ry blinks at him, “it’s okay. They told you, we’re fine.”

“Are you sure?” Bren asks and is Ryan imagining it or did he just slip closer?

“Y-yes, I am,” Ry nods. Brendon gives him a small smile and Ryan can’t stop himself, he leans in.

 

Just a moment before Ryan can kiss him, time slows down for Bren.

He sees his sixteen-year-old self, secretly watching Ryan Ross’ bare torso in the locker room, trying hard not to get an erection. He sees the expression of fear when the seventeen-year-old Ry looks at him. He sees himself at the age of eighteen, during his first time with Dallon and-

Brendon pulls away.

It takes Ry a moment to realise what just happened. When he does, he blinks at Bren. “Oh,” he says in a soft, disappointed voice. He looks down at his lap, clearly embarrassed with himself. “Good night, I guess,” he speaks quickly and stands up but Bren panics and grabs his wrist.

“Wait!”

“What?” Ryan just looks irritated.

“It’s not you, it’s just-“

“If you say it’s you, I’ll punch your face,” he huffs but Bren knows he’s probably being serious.

“But- oh, fuck, I didn’t want to do this,” Brendon mutters to himself and Ry looks at him with a confused expression. He might be a bit mad and Bren hates himself for letting him down. “Okay, look, Ryro, it’s-“

“Why did I get the nickname anyway?”

“I dunno, just listen to me-“

“No, I get to choose you a ridiculous nickname, too,” Ryan says firmly and thinks about it for a moment. Now Brendon _knows_ he’s mad. “It’s Beebo, that’s how I’m gonna call you.”

“It doesn’t even make sense,” Bren chuckles nervously. He has to gather all his courage for this. “It’s just- okay, so- listen-”

“Oh, I’m all ears, Beebo-”

“I have somebody.”

Ryan stops for a moment, but recovers quickly, “Wow,” he nods, mocking appreciation on his face. “Does she know you go around and make guys fancy you?”

“Not- not a she,” Brendon tells him, looking down at his hands. Fancy.

Ry has no answer for that. Brendon sees he’s just gaping, opening his mouth to say something but then closing it silently.

“I’m sorry,” Bren speaks and he still doesn’t dare to look up. “I should have told you, it’s just- I haven’t told anyone yet, and I thought you might understand it-“

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“Sorry, just- okay, it was literally the last thing I expected would happen tonight after you appeared at the door,” Ryan tells him, obviously flustered. “I mean- you two, how long?”

“Six months.”

“Jesus.”

“No, he’s Dallon,” Brendon tries and although it’s extremely weak, it breaks the ice. Ry giggles at it and Bren does, too.

“And since when do you know it?” Ryan speaks quietly, looking at Brendon in the eye.

“Since I was like fifteen,” Bren says with a relieved sigh. He knows they’ll have a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy so yeah this one was extremely long, i got carried away  
> i think it's because school starts in exactly a week and i'm petrified because sEnIoR yEaR?!?!?!?!  
> (for those who're already back to school, i'm so sorry, hang in there bbys)  
> also i'm not entierly sure i'll be able to update weekly from now on  
> september should be fine i guess but after that... i have no idea :c so please don't hate me if i'll only update biweekly, i promise i'll try to make this work!


	13. Of being out and being outed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shut your mouth, Bryar,” Brendon warns him and Ryan can’t help but shudder at the tone. He might feel a bit warmer in his chest as well.  
> “Have fun with your new squad,” he snorts at Brendon, looking around the others with a delighted expression.  
> “Oh, believe me, he will,” Hayley winks at him and runs a hand along Brendon’s thigh. Joe doesn’t say anything else, he just reddens to the tip of his ears.
> 
> “But, I mean, he must be jealous,” Pete chuckles as they make their way through the hallway with only a few people around them.  
> “He’s straight, asshat,” Brendon laughs. “He has a girlfriend and all.”  
> “Well, a girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re necessarily straight, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually managed to finish this chapter but being the first day of the schoolyear* i've been forced to admit that i won't be able to post weekly so biweekly it is!  
> beta-read by the fantastic officialagentwashington, thank you so muuuch!!  
> TRIGGER WARNING: there's some violence and homophobic language in this chapter, if you don't like to read that kind of stuff, please don't do!
> 
> *more about it in the end notes  
> warning: rant

Before Psychology on Monday morning, Ryan, Brendon, Patrick, Hayley, Andy, Josh and Tyler are waiting for the remaining three of the newly founded gang in front of the classroom because they’re _always fucking late_.

“Have you seen that?” Josh grins at Ryan after Spencer Smith passes them by. The boy’s expression mirrors confusion and disbelief but he doesn’t say a word, just makes his way to the classroom.

“He actually looks like the world’s ending,” Brendon chuckles. Ryan knew they would look strange, sitting side by side on a windowsill of the first floor but he doesn’t really care. After Saturday night at the Manor, he and Brendon apparently have something; something that he would have never expected to have with _Brendon Urie_. It’s safe to say they are friends now.

“Well, shit, it might be,” Tyler shakes his head. He found them on the couch, passed out on each other on Sunday morning. He couldn’t really recover since.

“And Spence isn’t even that bad,” Bren shrugs. “You’ll see the others.”

And just as if it was scripted, Bob and Joe appear at the top of the stairs. They’re laughing at something but as soon as they catch sight of them, they stop it. Bob puts on a sneaky smirk and Joe just looks like the whole scene is ridiculous to him. They walk past Ryan’s gang and he knows Brendon is glaring at them with disgust all the way.

“Fucking losers,” Bob spits, eyeing them – especially Bren – with a challenging grimace.

“Shut your mouth, Bryar,” Brendon warns him and Ryan can’t help but shudder at the tone. He might feel a bit warmer in his chest as well.

“Or else?” Bob grins at him. It’s safe to say it’s the most disgusting smile Ry has ever seen.

“I see your black-eye is healing nicely,” Bren smiles back sarcastically. Bob’s grin freezes for a moment before Joe can speak.

“Have fun with your new squad,” he snorts at Brendon, looking around the others with a delighted expression.

“Oh, believe me, he will,” Hayley winks at him and runs a hand along Brendon’s thigh. Joe doesn’t say anything else, he just reddens to the tip of his ears. Bob decides to leave them with a slighting grimace and Joe joins him, the both of them entering the classroom.

“Okay, it was much more fun,” Andy nods appreciatively. Ray arrives in the meantime and throws his bag down at their feet, next to four other bags.

“So will it be like this from now on?” Ryan asks with an eyebrow raised.

“Most likely,” Bren nods but grins. “Don’t be afraid, Ryro, with me and Pete around, nobody can hurt you.”

“Hey, we were perfectly okay on our own as well,” Ray turns his nose up, mocking hurt.

“Ryro- I thought Dan called you that,” Patrick says, looking between Brendon and Ryan with confusion.

“No,” Bren replies, just as puzzled. “Who’s Dan?”

“Just a guy,” Ryan blushes and looks down at his hands. He didn’t exactly talk about Dan to Brendon, and it isn’t the time to do it either.

“Liar, liar, cheeks on fire,” Hayley shakes her head with a grin.

“Stop it,” Ryan snaps and her eyes widen, smile disappearing instantly.

“Okay, chill,” she murmurs, eyeing him with concern. Ry wishes they would just stop that. Stop everything. Why do things always have to tangle up?

Jamia Nestor is the next to pass them by and Ryan can see, even with her fringe in her face, that her eyes are red and puffy, her face exceptionally pale. She walks like she’s sick, bag held close to her side. She looks like she really wants to stay low. Her grip tightens around her bag’s strap and the fact that they’re all staring at her doesn’t help either. She makes it to the classroom, though.

“I feel like a gossiping schoolgirl but what the hell is wrong with her?” Tyler asks but his question remains unanswered when Frank rushes past them, just moments after Jamia gets in the room and they can hear him cursing aloud but following her anyway.

“They must have some major shit going on,” Josh shakes his head. “Complicated relationships are awful. I mean, they _must_ be,” he adds and pulls Tyler closer. Ryan is just about to tell them that it’s Such Gayness ™, but he doesn’t get to say anything.

“Hey, guys,” Mikey greets them, walking up to the gang – hand in hand with a very grinning and super proud Pete, apparently.

“Oh, fuck me!” Ray exclaims with a shocked expression, then quickly adds, “I mean no, don’t do that.”

“Boys, are you aware that we’re in _school_?” Ryan asks in an amused tone because fuck, those two are literally insane.

“Yeah, we are,” Pete nods, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Are you not… afraid?” Patrick asks, also astonished.

“Of what?” Mikey responses, eyebrows slightly raised.

“IDK, bro, probably half the school?” Tyler stares at him as if the two went actually nuts.

“Look, the pot calls the kettle black,” Hayley chuckles.

“It’s totally different,” Josh tells her promptly. “We’ve been together for like three years, but they, it’s-“

“You’ve gotta start off somewhere,” Pete shrugs.

“Well, I agree,” Brendon talks quietly and everyone turns to him, even more surprised. Mikey and Pete look the most confused of all. “I mean, it’s fucking brave of you and I think you totally have the right to be out and proud.”

“ _Out and proud_ , wow,” Tyler grins at him. “Haven’t ever heard a straight guy say that.”

Bren just smiles at his feet and shrugs.

Ryan didn’t tell them. It’s really not his task to do so; outing someone is the last thing he’d ever do. Even if he hated Brendon. Which he clearly doesn’t. So he just waits for him patiently, to do it at his own pace.

Which is a really nice thing, theoretically. In the act, it’s fucking hard. Because not talking to Patrick about his stunning ex-archenemy being queer? Seriously?

Even though the fedora boy suspects something. He must because as Tyler says the word _straight_ in connection with Bren, he swiftly glances at Ry.

Luckily, the bell saves all of them who don’t want to talk about inevitable things.

Pete and Mikey didn’t even let go of each other’s hands while eating lunch and Bren found it utterly adorable. The others still couldn’t get used to it. Maybe Ryan and Andy could handle it the best along with him.

Inside the gang, it was one thing. Outside, it was much worse.

Bob’s gang couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw Pete and Mikey entering the classroom hand in hand. The whole class became silent in awe, actually. Spencer froze completely, Frank’s shocked face was kind of comical but Jamia looked like she was about to throw up. Joe and Bob, after the first bewilderment wore off, started yelling homophobic slurs and degrading things.

It went on and on, it just became worse with time and every period passing. At lunch, they got dirty glances from a lot of people, and the teachers seemed to ignore it completely. They didn’t care, though. The two of them seemed to be totally enchanted by each other.

Right after lunch, Pete and Brendon are walking to their lockers, laughing quietly about something Ray said during the break.

“But, I mean, he must be jealous,” Pete chuckles as they make their way through the hallway with only a few people around them.

“He’s straight, asshat,” Brendon laughs. “He has a girlfriend and all.”

“Well, a girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re necessarily straight, right?” Pete winks at him and Bren stops, his smile disappearing.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Pete stops as well but is still smiling. He seems to be full of energy and positivity. “Just that- I dunno what’s up with you and Sarah but you don’t really talk about her that much… anyway, you and Ry seem to be closer-“

“Okay, stop this shit,” Brendon tells him, harsher than he intends to and Pete’s eyes widen. Bren instantly regrets it. “I mean- sorry, fuck, I’m sorry,” Brendon looks down. “Just- don’t talk about Sarah, okay?”

“Okay, dude,” Pete still eyes him carefully. “But, you know, if you going through a rough time and shit, you can tell me… I don’t think I can help you, because, well, you know me, but still.”

“I know I can, thanks,” Bren gives him a small half smile to show he’s actually thankful. He starts walking towards their lockers again, Pete by his side. “Just not yet, okay?”

“Anytime you want, man.”

 

Monday. 6th period. Divided class.

_rainbow dash added bohemian blasphemy and guyliner to the chat_

**rainbow dash:** i thought its only fair

_pattycakes is typing..._

_bohemian blasphemy is typing..._

**pattycakes:** AND U WERE RIGHT HELLO CHILDREN

_not blurry is typing..._

**bohemian blasphemy:** wow well hey there

 **not blurry:** eyyo people

 **thatpinkhead:** helloo

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** okay which one of u is that

 **DUNDUN DUN:** hiii

 **guyliner:** nvm

 **Toronado:** hola

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** why tf is that still your name josh tho

 **DUNDUN DUN:** oh wait

_DUNDUN DUN changed their nickname_

**jishwa:** much better

_bohemian blasphemy is typing..._

**bohemian blasphemy:** okay but whos who

 **not blurry:** im def not blurry

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**Ryro:** ryro here

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** yeah i play the drums thats all you need to know

 **bohemian blasphemy:** v helpful thanks

 **rainbow dash:** bet u never guess who i am

 **guyliner:** hey babe

 **rainbow dash:** dammit

_jishwa is typing..._

**jishwa:** and u shame me for my name hays look around yeah im talking about u bren

 **bohemian blasphemy:** aww ry look at ur name

 **bohemian blasphemy:** shut up josh

 **Ryro:** u too beebo

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** ur name was shitty okay but who tf is beebo

_bohemian blasphemy changed their nickname_

**Beebo:** guess

_pattycakes is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**pattycakes:** AWWWWWWWWWWWW

 **not blurry:** AM I MISSING SOMETHING

 **Ryro:** i cant believe u

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** yeah im kinda unbelievable ;))

_jishwa is typing..._

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**jishwa:** OhMyGoDs

 **rainbow dash:** and you all are calling me gay

 **guyliner:** …uhm mikeyway

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** PETER WE DONT NEED TO KNO THINGS

 **Beebo:** jk okay

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** sUUUuuuuUuUuRRRrRre

 **thatpinkhead:** no homo urie

 **Beebo:** guys

 **jishwa:** i mean i kinda ship it

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** okay but whats up with jamia

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

**guyliner:** what bout her

 **thatpinkhead:** yeah i know shes acting strange

 **pattycakes:** must have some trouble with frankie boy

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** nah they hardly ever fight

 **Beebo:** they r not even together really

 **jishwa:** what

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** babe u owe me 10

 **rainbow dash:** what do you mean brendon

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** frank doesnt really like spending time w her

 **Beebo:** they r like fuckbuddies thats all

_Toronado is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**Ryro:** no wonder why shes bitter then

 **Toronado:** okay but why does it bother her now and not before

 **thatpinkhead:** no guys i think its something else, it has to be

 **guyliner:** no idea ray

_not blurry is typing..._

_jishwa is typing..._

**Beebo:** shit not again

 **not blurry:** mikey just dont listen to them okay

 **jishwa:** fuck look at him hes gonna start a massacre

_guyliner is typing..._

_pattycakes is typing..._

_Ryro is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**guyliner:** whats happening guys

 **pattycakes:** oh frick is it bryar again

 **Ryro:** i know that look u r talking about jish

 **thatpinkhead:** ooo crap send the pics if it happens

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** fuck if you fear death dont go there trohman

 **pattycakes:** WHAT DID HE SAY

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** yeah its them again with their really clever remarks

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** IM GONNA FUCKING KICK THEM IN THE FACE

 **rainbow dash:** its okay pete im fine

_not blurry is typing..._

_jishwa is typing..._

**not blurry:** okay but can we talk about how uncomfortable iero looks

 **jishwa:** is smith wearing leggings wtf

 **thatpinkhead:** THATS NOT FAIR

 **thatpinkhead:** I DONT GET TO HIT THEM

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** thats because theyd probably punch u through a wall

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** also we are like two stories below them anyway

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** why is mr stephenson not saying a thing

 **rainbow dash:** because hes a homophobic asshole thats why

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** the periods over in some minutes babe hold on okay

 **rainbow dash:** yeah im gonna

 

As the bell rings, Brendon sees Bob and Joe jumping up from their desks and rushing out of the classroom. Frank and Spencer exchange a look and follow them promptly. It’s never a good sign and everybody seems to know it because they don’t talk about it as they leave the classroom as well.

“We meet there, okay?” Bren asks as he heads for his Spanish textbooks in his locker. Mikey, Ray, Tyler and Josh just agree and walk the other way, towards their own.

He likes that most of the classes he gets to be with Ryan and his friends. They seemingly accept him and Pete now and it’s a whole new feeling. After his ex-squad he didn’t really expect anything from anybody, certainly not friendship and sure as fuck not from _them_. But he’s just happy it turned out this way.

Walking down the stairs among a hundred of students, Brendon catches a pair of eyes looking at him and turning promptly away. He recognises Jamia. She’s seemingly really keen on getting somewhere because she elbows her way through the crowd and rushes up the stairs. Bren frowns for a moment at that but decides he needs to follow her.

Jamia is running towards the classroom he just left and Brendon has a hard time following her. She passes the classroom by and enters a thicker – and apparently standing – crowd at the end of the hallway.

“Do I need to punch you again?” Brendon hears Bob Bryar’s voice and he stops immediately. It’s coming from the other end of the crowd, where everyone’s staring and Bren knows something is really not right.

“He asked something, fag!” Joe accompanies to it and Bren hears something falling to the ground with a thud. He decides it’s time to save whoever the two got their hands on.

“Dirty fucking cocksucker,” Bryar laughs out loud as he kicks the person lying on the floor and Brendon gets close quickly enough to see Mikey Way clutching his stomach where Bob’s foot came in contact with it. His glasses are lying on the ground and his textbooks are all around him as well.

“Stop it!” Bren yells out and the crowd turns to stare at him, just like Bob and Joe. Spencer and Frank are standing at the front of the crowd and go pale as they see Brendon who feels such an anger rising in him he hasn’t felt in quite a time.

“Oh,” Bryar’s eyes gleam with something nasty as he looks up at him. “Look who came to rescue you, Way!” he grins as he lifts his foot to kick him again but Brendon steps to him and grabs his shirt promptly.

“I told you to stop!” Bren speaks through his teeth with rage and pulls Bob upwards by his collar.

That’s when he feels a fist hitting his cheekbone hard, so hard he lets go of Bryar’s shirt and stumbles backwards a few steps. He barely misses Mikey’s hand on the ground and gives Joe a murderous look. Trohman seems to be afraid of Brendon’s retort to the punch but Bob launches himself on him and Bren has no idea who to hit first. A little voice in his head says he shouldn’t hit back but his anger gets the best of him.

He kicks Bob’s legs and pushes him away, the bully landing on his behind on the floor. He’s at the feet of the crowd forming a ring around them.

“You fucking stay there!” Brendon roars at Joe, putting up a hand in front of him. Even though he looks like he wants to, he doesn’t talk back but stays where he is. Frank and Spencer are still frozen. It takes a lot of self-control to stop himself from killing them right there.

“What now, Urie?” Bob asks, smug smile still on his face. “Will you beat me up?”

“I won’t,” Bren looks down at him. “I’m better than you.”

“And who fucking believes that?” Bryar laughs at him in the eye. Brendon feels his guts tightening at it. Even coming from a rat like Bob, it hits a bit too close to home.

“I do,” Mikey mumbles, slowly standing up next to Bren. Everybody stares at him, including Brendon. The little guy has guts.

“Oh my, the faggot thinks you’re a good guy,” Joe coos at him and some of the crowd starts laughing and pointing at them.

“Don’t you dare calling him that ever again!” Pete snaps suddenly, pushing his way through the crowd and stopping next to them. He takes a glance at Mikey and his expression distorts into something Bren has never seen from him.

“Isn’t it nice, guys?” Bob, now standing, half-turns towards his gang but still keeps an eye on Brendon. “The twinks protecting each other, such a nice fag family-“

“No!” Bren hears Ryan yelling next to him as he tries to hold Pete back. He’s sure the midget would kill Bryar if he got to him and Bob seems to know it as well because he takes a step back.

“You’d deserve to get gutted by Pete if I wouldn’t want to do it myself!” Brendon spits at Joe and Bob.

“You turning into a faggot as well, Urie?” Joe asks with a devilish grin and Bren makes a huge mistake of not replying immediately.

He just gapes at him and feels his lungs running out of air and feels his cheeks heating up. The dozens of students staring at him doesn’t help. His brain is like it has just exploded from the grenade Trohman threw at him.

“Brendon?” Mikey asks, unsure why Bren stopped suddenly.

“Oh, fucking hilarious!” Bob howls at him and Joe joins in laughing. Spencer laughs as well, not so genuinely, but still. Frank, however, still doesn’t say anything, just stares and looks awful.

Not like Bren realises it. He needs all his courage not to try and escape. It has been his biggest fear, being outed in front of the whole school and now-

He feels a hand touching his shoulder blade lightly and he turns to his right to look at Ryro. The Ross boy gives him an encouraging nod and seemingly that’s all it takes. He’s still scared shitless, that’s true; but he knows he’s accepted by Ry. By their gang wholly. It will be okay.

“You don’t get to judge anyone because of their sexuality,” Bren talks and it sounds so foreign from his mouth. The crowd grows quiet in a moment and Bob stares at him as if he’s just got slapped. “I’m not ashamed. We’re not ashamed,” Brendon’s voice echoes in the silence and he feels a bit braver.

It will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. first day of my senior year. what was it like? i've been reassured that i'm gonna fail all my exams at the end of the year and also that school will end at like 4pm every day??? without my after-school things????????? i didn't sign up for this?????!!?!?!?!!!?!
> 
> but hey it's not your problem  
> it's 100% mine  
> so ayy comment, leave kudos and subscribe if you'd like! updated ~~every Thrusday~~ ~~recently~~ ~~every now and then~~ whenever!! much wow! such yeah! 524/524 would recommend
> 
> (also wish me luck ples)


	14. Of 'break-ups' and coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryro:** you know what bren did today  
>  **yeahiplaythedrums:** it was insanely brave  
>  **Ryro:** yeah, i know...  
>  **Ryro:** i just  
>  _Ryro is typing..._  
>  **yeahiplaythedrums:** yeah?  
>  _Ryro is typing..._  
>  **Ryro:** fuck asking for advice is harder than i expected
> 
> If that silly group chat is good for something, that’s diversion.  
> Brendon has been sitting in front of it for like an hour already and it’s successfully taking his mind off certain things. Like school.  
> Like him coming out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been sooooooooo long omg  
> i just really hope it is worth it  
> betad by officialagentwashington again who gives me hope and determination!!

_Private chat with them: yeahiplaythedrums_

**Ryro:** andy?

**yeahiplaythedrums:** yeah?

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** you know

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** i mean

**Ryro:** wazzup

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** i suppose you didnt text me to ask wazzup

**Ryro:** right

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** you know what bren did today

**yeahiplaythedrums:** it was insanely brave

**Ryro:** yeah, i know...

**Ryro:** i just

_Ryro is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** yeah?

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** fuck asking for advice is harder than i expected

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** you. asking for my advice

**yeahiplaythedrums:** how desperate you must be

**Ryro:** shut up

**yeahiplaythedrums:** sorry go on

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** so since you are actually just over a break up which was not really a break up

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** i thought you could help me

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** is it about dan or its still about brendon and im missing something?

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** its dan

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** because i like him really but he says it wouldnt work out but im still afraid to tell him that then it means there wont be anything between us if you know what i mean

**yeahiplaythedrums:** yeah

**yeahiplaythedrums:** well you gotta talk to him about it someday

**Ryro:** i know

**Ryro:** but am i being childish

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** for respecting yourself enough not to have something thats purely physical?

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** hays and i talked about this too and we decided we both wanted and deserved something thats more than just sex you know?

**yeahiplaythedrums:** you do too

**yeahiplaythedrums:** so thats all i can tell you

**Ryro:** thanks andy

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** but it IS connected to brendon isnt it

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** i guess it is

**Ryro:** but its much more complicated than it seems

**yeahiplaythedrums:** it usually is

 

_Private chat with them: princecharming_

**princecharming:** so i thought about visiting you next week, how about that?

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** its okay with me

**Ryro:** but look

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** im just saying dont count on anything sure from this okay?

_princecharming is typing..._

**princecharming:** oh okay

_princecharming is typing..._

**princecharming:** do you want me to come over anyway?

**Ryro:** well... i dunno

**princecharming:** its okay if you dont

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** im sorry dan

**Ryro:** i just cant do it this way

**Ryro:** im not ready for something like this

_princecharming is typing..._

**princecharming:** hey its fine

**princecharming:** you told me it lasts as long as it does

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** it would be just unfair to do this if we want it to go different ways

**princecharming:** exactly

_princecharming is typing..._

**princecharming:** also, i dont want to take away something from you that you dont have to give away just yet

_Ryro is typing..._

**Ryro:** its the sweetest thing you could have said

**Ryro:** thank you

**princecharming:** dont mention it love

**Ryro:** so… are we okay then?

**princecharming:** yeah, we are fine

 

If that silly group chat is good for something, that’s diversion.

Brendon has been sitting in front of it for like an hour already and it’s successfully taking his mind off certain things. Like school.

Like him coming out.

Like how his life has changed in 6 weeks. They don’t talk about these things in that chat and he is fucking grateful for that.

**not blurry:** and im thinking about a double date with u 2 because now we r literally the Gay Gang™ so what we gotta lose amiright

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**guyliner:** YAP WE R IN

**rainbow dash:** no way in hell

**jishwa:** cmon mikes

**guyliner:** bby ples

**rainbow dash:** no

_Toronado is typing..._

**not blurry:** party pooper

**Toronado:** i bet everybody would look at the four of u in an interesting way tho

**pattycakes:** ot4

**thatpinkhead:** is there even such a thing

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** say it twice and there is

**yeahiplaythedrums:** ot4

**guyliner:** THATS US

**rainbow dash:** you disappoint me andy

_jishwa is typing..._

**jishwa:** and what if its all on me mikey

_Toronado is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** no

**yeahiplaythedrums:** random thick friend

**Toronado:** idk about u all but josh u can buy me food whenever u please

**not blurry:** ay

**not blurry:** take it easy foro

**not blurry:** *TORO

**thatpinkhead:** FRO+RAY OMG

**pattycakes:** GOTTA SHIP THAT

**jishwa:** WHAT IS A RAY W/OUT HIS FRO

**guyliner:** AND WHAT IS THE FRO ALONE

**Ryro:** better, probably

_pattycakes is typing..._

**guyliner:** HEY RYAN

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**pattycakes:** lord ry is back from his quest of slaying dragons

**thatpinkhead:** u just keep appearing and disappearing here

**Ryro:** are you high again trick

**pattycakes:** SHUSH UP ID NEVER

**Toronado:** shush up

**guyliner:** patrick is too adorable

**jishwa:** AWW

**pattycakes:** thanks pete

**Ryro:** sorry hays i had some other issues

**Ryro:** with someone

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**Toronado:** oops

**thatpinkhead:** i sense awkwardness

**not blurry:** was it a dan issue tho

This Dan-thing has been unnerving Brendon ever since they came home from the Manor. He finds it better to just not ask because he feels like the answer would disappoint him. He knows this guy must be important for Ryan. Maybe he still is.

But is it bothering him, really? Does he have the _right_ to be bothered by it? _He_ turned Ry down after all. It wasn’t even 48 hours ago but to Bren it feels like years. So much has happened since that moment.

The chat disappears from his screen as the phone starts buzzing.

Brendon sees Dal’s caller ID. He hesitates for a moment, he doesn’t know why. Then he scolds himself for being an idiot and not picking up immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe,” Dallon speaks with a smile in his voice on the other end and Bren’s stomach contracts.

“What’s up?” he tries to sound nonchalant but a sudden unpleasant feeling spreads in his chest.

“I’m fine,” Dal replies. “And you? I miss you like crazy.”

“I’m okay, thanks,” Brendon tells him and silence drops for a moment. Dallon is waiting for something more. “How’s Utah?” Bren asks weakly. Not like he’s actually interested.

“It’s okay, still the same old city,” Dal says but he can definitely sense something now. “You sure you’re okay? You sound a little lost in your head.”

“I am.”

“Okay but this will make you happy, I promise,” Dallon speaks excitedly and Brendon doesn’t say a word, just waits for it. “You know, my sister is getting better. She doesn’t need me to take care of her now.”

Bren waits. He waits for something that clearly doesn’t come. His throat is still tight and his stomach is whirling now and he’s about to cry.

“You’re coming home?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“In two days,” Dal sounds really happy about this whole thing and Brendon knows he should feel it, too. He just doesn’t. If anything, it fills him with an unexpected rush of anxiety. “And relax, I know what I promised you,” he talks, most certainly with a broad, nasty smile on his face.

“It’s great, um, I mean I-“ he starts but stops. He tries to cover it up with clearing his throat. It’s pathetic. “I have to go now, but we’ll- talk?”

“Sure…” Dallon speaks with a sudden uncertainty. “See you, baby.”

“Bye.”

 

When his mom arrives home, Brendon is lying on his bed. He has been for an hour now, since he hung up on Dallon. Even though he has been drumming with his fingers and all small sounds made his head turn towards the door, he felt strangely exhausted.

“Darling, I’m home,” his mom faintly calls as she closes the front door behind herself. Awesome. Bren jumps up, surprising himself. He needs to go and help her with the groceries and all.

He opens the door and walks to the kitchen quickly. His mom is by the counter, putting down all the bags and shuffling out of her shoes at the same time. She also drops the bread but Brendon is there in time to catch it as it’s about to fall.

“Oh, thanks, honey,” his mum smiles at him thankfully but he sees the dark circles around her eyes. She’s had a long day.

“It’s okay, I’ve got this,” he nods at her, swiftly taking the other bag from her grip. She sighs with gratitude and goes to the hallway to take off her shoes and jacket.

“Anyway, how was your day?” she asks while doing so and Bren feels his fingers fidgeting with the mouth of the bag immediately.

“It was- it was okay, a normal day,” he replies and quickly starts to unpack the bags. He doesn’t want to tell her. She doesn’t _need_ to worry. He’s got this.

“Well, mine was quite a mess,” she chuckles. “The boss thinks it’s immediately Christmas after Halloween is over and we needed to redecorate the whole shop because he’s bought the ornaments and all that. Where do you even find Christmas decoration in November?”

“In stores?” Brendon tries and his mother laughs. Bren puts the final food, a jar of pickles into the fridge by the time she returns to the kitchen.

“Wow, you’re quick,” she smiles. “I was thinking about making pasta for dinner. I’ve found that new recipe online and it sounds amazing,” she chirps while taking out a pot from the cupboard. Brendon readies a bag of alimentary pasta. “I want to try it before cooking it for George because you know he’s a wonderful cook and I want to kind of impress him,” she talks and Bren finds her adorable. He grabs the pot and fills it up with water. “Also, I’ve not seen Sarah for a while- oh my god!”

The pot from Brendon’s hands lands on the floor, spilling out everywhere. His mother is more surprised than anything else. Bren usually has the hand of a surgeon. She’s looking at him properly only now and she might have radars for this because her eyes widen. “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

“It’s all fine, mom,” he says quickly. ‘No, nothing is okay, it’s all awful and I need you to hold me because I’m weak and lost’ is what he wants to say. He can’t, obviously. He’d need to come out and tell her about the gang and everything if he wanted her to hold him so it’s not an option. He grabs a cloth and crouches to tidy up the water. Grace Urie’s eyes wander over his rapidly tapping foot and she puts it together.

“Have you been taking your meds?” she asks with a careful look and Brendon freezes.

No. He’s forgotten about it completely. But who could blame him for it? It was an awfully eventful week. He might have missed four or five. It’s not a big deal.

“Yes, of course,” he says and he needs to physically keep his hand back from tapping on the floor nervously. He quickly finishes it and stands up.

“But Bren-“

“Why are you asking?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am!” Bren snaps at her. Bewildered, she steps back. Brendon wants to slap himself. He throws the cloth on the table and tries to keep his voice steady while talking: “Yes, mom, I’m taking my meds, I’ve just had a bad day, it’s okay.”

“Well, if you say so,” she mutters, still eyeing him with confusion. Bren wants to tell her that she’s being ridiculous but he finds it better to just leave. He returns to his room and closes the door. His mom only hears the music blasting from his room for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the question of the epilogue last week, Ryan won with 62% against Bren's 38%  
> so it will be written from his POV  
> ((i'm actually ready with the epilogue))  
> ((still have 8 more chapters to go till then))  
> ((it's gonna be a long journey))


	15. Of fights and confessions gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan plays. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it takes him a lot to concentrate under the chocolate eyes that are staring at him. Not the guitar, but him. He plays the part Brendon misplayed precisely. When he’s done, he looks up to see Bren watching his neck.
> 
> “Darling?”  
> Brendon wants to disappear. He wants the ground to open and swallow him so he never has to answer any questions. Is it always this hard? Why can’t you come out to everyone at once and never deal with it again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: in this chapter there'll be some queerphobia, bi-erasure and hella lot of feels and angst  
> if you get triggered by such things, please stay safe <33 read the end notes for the chapter summary  
> chapter beta read by officialagentwashington as always, you're awesome :3  
> p.s: i'm so sorry

“Dad! I’m home!” Ryan yells as they step into the house on Tuesday, after school. His nose and cheeks are red and the warmth of his home feels like a blessing on his chilled skin.

“Me too!” Patrick adds and the others join in as well. George Ross appears in the doorway of his study and he smiles at them, pushing his glasses onto the top of his head.

“Hello everyone,” he say as the rest of the gang gets in the house. Ryan knows the moment his dad catches sight of Brendon and Pete because his smile freezes for a second. Then his eyes flicker to Ryan but he says nothing.

“Hey, George,” Brendon greets in a polite manner.

“Bren, hello,” George Ross says and Ryan really hopes that’s all they have to say to each other. He doesn’t need the questioning at the moment. His father clears his throat and smiles again. “You’ll find food in the kitchen guys, just try to keep it low because I have this contract to translate, okay?” he speaks mainly to his son who just nods and then hurries up the stairs.

When they all get in Ryan’s room, he throws his bag on the floor and jumps on the bed. Patrick follows him inside, then Hayley, Mikey, Pete, Bren and Andy.

“Your dad is the coolest!” Pete says with a grin. He’s shamelessly staring at things in the room and he quite likes it, Ry can tell.

“Yeah, he might be,” he smiles as he lies down on the bed, closing his eyes.

“He makes amazing food, too,” Hayley adds. “I wish my mom could brew tea properly.”

Mikey, as usual, steps to Ryan’s computer and turns it on. Pete sits on his lap. Ry feels the mattress shift next to him and he knows it’s Brendon.

“Where’s Ray, by the way?” Andy asks as he gets out his homework from his backpack.

“With his girlfriend,” Mikey replies, tapping away on the computer. He left them right after school. “Said they’re _busy_.”

“They must be as busy as Ty and Josh. With their ‘Calculus homework’,” Patrick says with a smirk.

“Oh, wow, Trick, that was nearly dirty,” Hayley mimics a scandalous expression. “The amount of sexual tension from these sinners affect you.”

“Patrick is the sweetest motherfucker on Earth,” Pete states firmly. “No naughtiness could ever affect him.”

“Okay, stop that,” Mikey tells his boyfriend and Trick giggles. Pete kisses him on the cheek as an apology.

“Hey, Ryro,” Brendon speaks softly and Ryan opens his eyes. Bren is looking down at him, smiling when their eyes meet. That’s almost romantic, he thinks but then quickly decides he’s wrong. “Can I borrow your guitar?”

“Sure,” Ry nods, closing his eyes again. He concentrates on the feeling of the mattress on Brendon’s side rising as he stands up. He returns quickly, with the guitar in his hands.

“Oh, concert time?” Hayley asks, from her usual place on the windowsill.

“No, I just wanted to try something,” Brendon says modestly. They all stop talking, though. He plucks the strings for a few times before actually playing chords.

Just after the first couple of plucks, Ryan sits up. This song… he might be wrong, but- no, he’s not. He knows these chords.

“This is my song,” he says quietly. He is not looking at him, still, it makes him shiver.

“Yeah, it is,” Bren turns to smile at him. They’re sitting so close to each other Ry could count Brendon’s eyelashes if he wanted to. It would be so easy. There’s something else on his mind being not too complicated as his eyes wander over Bren’s lips.

“You got that one wrong,” he says instead.

“Which?” Bren blinks at him and Ryan hates his lungs for being so weak. His eyes flicker right back to his eyes, but the other boy has seen it and breaks into a smile.

“Give it to me,” he holds his hand out and Bren gives him the guitar. “Look, this way.”

He plays. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it takes him a lot to concentrate under the chocolate eyes that are staring at him. Not the guitar, but him. He plays the part Brendon misplayed precisely. When he’s done, he looks up to see Bren watching his neck.

Ryan is suddenly too aware of his hickeys. He knows, just _knows_ those are what Brendon is looking at and when their eyes meet, Ry sees the total confusion in Bren’s.

“Imagine your OTP,” Patrick chuckles. Ryan kind of forgot about their presence in the room and now is startled about it. He hands the guitar back to Brendon and stands up, hoping he doesn’t look as stupid as he feels.

“I’ll bring some food, okay?” he asks the others but before he could get a reply, he leaves.

 

His day was relatively good. _Really_ good, considering that now the whole school knew about him being- well, not straight.

Bob wasn’t at school. He most certainly got sick because of Bren’s coming out. Joe was there, but he decided to just pretend he hadn’t noticed any of them. Frank tried to avoid him – and just everyone in general – as much as possible, Spencer gave him a weak smile when he caught him staring. Jamia looked even more miserable and sicker with every day.

The whole school is going crazy, Brendon thinks.

He is sitting in the kitchen, drinking some coffee which might not be the wisest thing to do at 5 pm. He needs it, though. Caffeine might help him think properly.

The gang has been amazing about this whole thing. Their mere presence is just so calming to Bren, like they form a wall between him and the things that could hurt him. He never thought it would come to this.

Ryan is the most amazing, though. When he thinks about him, it always makes him smile. He has been the most patient and caring one of them all. He’s beautiful, too. Brendon wonders how he could ever think he was over Ryan Ross.

The only thing that bothers him is his neck with the hickeys.

His phone buzzes on the kitchen table. Taking a look at the chat, he feels his lips curving downwards. He doesn’t want to answer. He just doesn’t care what happens on the other end of the discussion.

 **sleepingpills:** you’ll see what i got for you, it’ll make you crazy ;)

What can you write when he texts you something like this? Brendon can’t be honest, that’s for sure.

 **Beebo:** cant wait :)

_sleepingpills is typing..._

**sleepingpills:** i think we should really go to somewhere fancy

 **sleepingpills:** you deserve it ;)

What does he even mean?

 **Beebo:** what do you mean by fancy?

 **sleepingpills:** i dunno, restaurant, wellness hotel, xxxshop ;)

 **Beebo:** that last one is really us tho

_sleepingpills is typing..._

**sleepingpills:** also what is this new nickname babe?

The question of the day. Bren was looking forward to this one ever since he realised he changed his nickname for all chats. He has to lie again.

 **Beebo:** its from a friend, doesnt matter

 **sleepingpills:** i like it actually. might use it from now on ;)

The last thing he wants is Dallon turning this name into something sexual.

_sleepingpills is typing..._

**sleepingpills:** so what do you think? where should we go?

 **Beebo:** i dunno

 **Beebo:** is it all worth this much though

It takes Dallon a lot to start typing and when he starts, it feels like he’s hesitating. It’s slightly unnerving to Brendon.

_sleepingpills is typing..._

**sleepingpills:** bren

 **Beebo:** yeah

 **sleepingpills:** you realise why i’m asking you these things, right?

He thought he did. Now he’s not really sure. But you know what they say; act confidently.

 **Beebo:** because youre coming home

Dallon seems to take his time to reply again. Is he trying to say something with not texting for two minutes?

 **sleepingpills:** 6 fucking months

 **sleepingpills:** this weekend

 **sleepingpills:** rings a bell?

Brendon feels his stomach drop.

 **Beebo:** shit im sorry

But even _he_ doesn’t believe his words.

 **sleepingpills:** whatever

 **Beebo:** no, babe, i really am

_Beebo is typing..._

The word ‘babe’ sickens him. He wants to say something really cliché-ish but it takes him more time than it takes Dallon to reply.

 **sleepingpills:** no you know what i don’t care either

 **Beebo:** fuck dal im so sorry

Lie, lie, lie. Why is he even trying?

 **sleepingpills:** bren whats wrong with you these days?

_sleepingpills is typing…_

**sleepingpills:** feels like you decided you don’t need this anymore

It’s true. Brendon won’t try to defend himself on this one.

 **sleepingpills:** do you even care?

 **Beebo:** i dont know

And finally, he was able to say something completely honestly.

 **sleepingpills:** wrong answer

 **Beebo:** what do you want me to say then

 **sleepingpills:** nothing   

 **sleepingpills:** i just can’t think of a reason why i’m not important to you anymore

And Dal takes a break from typing again, like he wants Brendon to figure out the next step on his own. Which he doesn’t even try to do so it’s on Dallon to say it.

 **sleepingpills:** we should take a break

Bren is quicker with an answer than he knows.

 **Beebo:** okay

But it’s not a break; it’s something final. They both know it. At least Bren hopes they do.

 **sleepingpills:** see you then

 **Beebo:** you too

 

He’s been kind of avoiding his mother for two days now, ever since they had that fight. He spent the last two mornings in his bedroom till his mom was gone and he didn’t leave it the day before in the evening. He knows it can’t go on like this forever.

When he gets home on Wednesday, it’s already 5 p.m. He’s spent more time at McDonald’s with the gang than he thought he would. Now he has a ton of homework to do and with the sun already set he knows he’ll probably just go to sleep.

He’s been sleeping in an odd pattern lately. It has no pattern, really. He don’t actually sleep. It is a mess. At night, when he can’t, he always remembers to take his medication but in the morning he forgets. He knows it’s all because of his ADHD. It’s getting out of control.

His life is just way too chaotic for this to be his biggest problem, though.

When he enters the house, he throws his bag on the floor of the hallway. For a moment he thinks he’s alone, but then remembers he’s just entered through the open door. Damn. He needs his pills.

“Bren, love?” his mom calls his name from her room. Brendon stops for a moment before asking back.

“Yeah?”

“Could you come in?” she asks. “I’d like to talk to you.”

It’s never a good sign. Bren, taking his boots and coat off, makes his way to his mother’s door and opens it. She’s sitting on her bed, a book in her hands. She’s still in a blouse and skirt, smiling at him. He doesn’t notice it’s not a genuine smile.

“Hey, mom,” he greets, stopping in the doorway.

“Come in, hon,” she says, nodding at the foot of her bed. He does so. He sits on the sheets, arms crossed on his chest absentmindedly. “How was your day?”

“It was alright,” he shrugs carefully. It really was. His teachers pretended not to notice how he actually became a good boy. Joe was alone once again. Nothing changed from the day before, though. Only that he and Dallon didn’t speak. “And yours?”

“It was nice,” she smiles, eyeing his son’s face with an interested look. “We were full all day and I actually got to speak to the boss about the decorations. After work I headed to fetch the shopping when- you’ll never guess who I stumbled into,” she is still smiling but Brendon realises something has changed in her expression and voice. “It was Mrs Smith.”

Bren suddenly feels his throat tighten. No. He can’t breathe, can’t speak and barely dares to blink. Spencer’s mom. Bad. Bad sign. But it might not be that-

“She told me about Spencer being strange lately. He’s into some new fashion,” his mom’s smile slowly fades, eyes curiously flickering to his face. “She also told me about some things she’s heard about you from him.”

“What about me?” Brendon asks in a hoarse voice. He feels the room starting to spin.

“It’s just some silly gossip, I’m sure,” she waves it off like it’s something unpleasant and clearly untrue. “Surely it’s just some kids trying to make you look bad. They might want your place in the yearbook,” she jokes but when she realises he’s not chuckling, she stops. “Darling?”

Brendon wants to disappear. He wants the ground to open and swallow him so he never has to answer any questions. Is it always this hard? Why can’t you come out to everyone at once and never deal with it again?

“Mom,” he starts but he doesn’t have to finish because his mother slaps a hand on her mouth.

“It’s true?” she asks in a squeaky voice. Her eyes grow twice the size. “Are you… you can’t be-”

“I am queer,” he mutters to the covers because he can’t look at her.

This is it. He has come out to his mother.

No tears and hugs here, then. It was expected, he thinks.

“Oh my god,” she mumbles, eyes fixed on his face as if she’s seeing it for the first time. “Oh god.”

“Mom, look-“

“You’re not gay,” she states quietly, like she’s never thought she would ever speak these words.

“No, I’m bi, but-“

“You can’t be. It’s not- You’re too young to know, you-“

“Really?” he asks, not believing his ears. He feels sadness, then anger slowly bubbling in his chest.

“Yes,” she speaks vehemently. She must think she’s cracked the code. “You _can’t_ know for sure, it’s just teenage confusion-“

“Mom, I’m not confused,” he tells her, trying to keep his voice low.

“But… what about Sarah?” she asks, like it’s the only thing she could find while feverously looking for a good point.

“Broke up with her seven months ago,” Bren tells her. He feels his heart beating fast. Now that he’s come out, there’s no way he’ll go back into the closet. Clenching his fist because of words his mother said is something he doesn’t remember ever doing.

And she starts crying. There’s a moment of disbelief and horror from Brendon.

“What have I done wrong?” she asks miserably, tears rolling down her face. “I was not a good parent, I know that, I always had to work and you were alone-“

“No, don’t cry, you haven’t- it’s nobody’s fault-“

“Is it because of your father’s absence?” she asks with desperation and Brendon suddenly jumps up from the bed as if it’d burned him. He feels his blood surging with anger. “If our divorce-“

“You think it was my asshole father who turned me gay?” Bren asks and he’s only half aware that he’s shouting. His mother flinches at the sentence and Brendon feels his guts twisting with something unfamiliar. Remorse. Pain. Betrayal.

But she’s still trying.

“Please, we can fix it, Bren, we-“

“There’s nothing to fix!” he screams at her.

“Honey, please-“ his mom tries but Brendon barely hears it. He turns around and leaves the room. He puts on his boots in two seconds and tears the front door open. He leaves and shuts it behind himself.

He only realises he’s sobbing as he starts running in the dark street.

 

As the doorbell rings, George Ross thinks he’s just hallucinating. He has been working on this contract for hours now, without hydrating regularly. It’s only sensible.

When he hears it again, he wonders who it can be. It’s not like they ever get visitors at, what, 6 p.m. He stands up from his desk and as he reaches the front door, the bell rings again. How impatient, he thinks as he opens it.

The sight of the boy standing there, without a coat and with his face wet with tears leaves him speechless. He just stares at the heavily breathing figure standing on his doorstep, shoulders trembling with crying and the cold for a moment before actually talking to him.

“Brendon, oh my god,” he mutters, grabbing his shoulder gently. Bren pulls away from the touch, and enters the house.

“Is Ry- is he at home?” is all he asks with the little air he has in his lungs. His voice is uncertain and eyes wander over the staircase.

“Yes, he’s upstairs,” George tells him, concern on his face. “I don’t understand, are you okay?”

“I’m- I need to talk to him,” Bren states. George takes a look at his pleading face and tears before nodding. Brendon immediately takes the stairs.

Ryan is sitting at his computer, working on his paper due in two days. He’s about to fall asleep over it but he’s keen on finishing it that night. He’d have a free afternoon then tomorrow.

His door burst open and he jumps in his seat, gasping.

“Jesus, dad, could you-“ he starts as he turns around. His annoyance turns into a surprised expression as he realises it’s Brendon. “Bren? What are you doing here?”

At the light of the lamp on the bedside table, it takes him some time to take him in. The boy looks awful. His hair is tousled, his face is puffy and are those- tears?

“Fuck, what happened to you?” he asks in a surprised-scared tone.

“Ry,” Brendon starts but his sobs stop him from saying anything else. He covers his face with his hands and leans against the doorframe. He’s miserable. He’s just crying for a moment before Ryan can jump up from his seat and run to him.

He puts his arms around Bren’s cold body instantly and holds him. Brendon seems to be too weak to hug back, or maybe just too lost in his own head. He buries his head in the shorter boy’s shoulder nonetheless.

“My mom- she knows-“ he squeaks before coughing and sobbing more. The way he says it… Ry’s throat tightens.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he tells him and he has no idea how he knows what to do. He strokes his back with gentle movements and mumbles comforting things in his ears. He hazily remembers doing something similar to Patrick in their junior year when the boy used to have anxiety attacks.

“It won’t be okay- she hates me,” Bren sobs into his shoulder and Ryan feels his heart break in that moment.

“She doesn’t, she could never,” Ry reassures him, even though it might not be true. He has seen things more extreme. “She’s your mum, she’s just surprised, that’s all.”

“You haven’t h-hears her. She said- said we needed to fix it…” Brendon babbles. “First the school, then Dallon, then this- oh my god, Ryro- I’m so afraid…” he says and sobs harder, and even though Ryan doesn’t know what’s up with Dallon, he won’t ask. Not now.

“Shh, love, I know,” Ryan wants to say something else but he doesn’t trust his voice in that moment. He feels Brendon’s tears on his skin as he’s weeping through his shirt. He could never let him alone with this.

When he knows Bren won’t collapse if he pulls away, he takes his hand and leads him to his bed. “You stay the night?”

Brendon just nods, face totally distorted by the crying and the mixed feelings. Ry lays him down and turns off the lights. Bren needs to rest because he’s in a shock and Ryan can’t stand seeing him like this.

“Don’t go,” Brendon speaks in a hoarse voice as Ryan tries to turn off the computer as well. He changes his mind.

“I won’t,” Ry promises, and he just lets go of Bren to corner the bed. He lies down next to him and Brendon is instantly curling up to him. Ryan feels something warm in his stomach as he puts an arm around the body next to him. He has never done _this_ to Patrick. He starts rubbing tiny circles on the small of Bren’s back with his thumb. It’s certainly a new feeling but wasn’t it for the situation, he wouldn’t mind it in the slightest.

“I’m sorry for everything, Ry- I’m so fucking sorry,” Brendon mutters after a while, still hiccupping from crying and Ryan feels some tears escape his eyes at last. “I never knew it- it could feel like this-“

“It’s okay, Beebo,” he tells him softly, hand finding the older boy’s hair and brushing it away from his closed eyes. “Now sleep, okay?”

“Can’t,” he whispers. “I d-don’t want tomorrow.”

“I’m here, love,” Ry says quietly, trying not to be scared of how bad that sounds coming from Brendon. “Tomorrow will be fine. I promise that. But don’t think about it now, we can deal with it in the morning, okay?”

Ryan feels Bren hesitantly nodding against his neck. He is thinking about the fact that he has Brendon in his bed. For the second time this week, technically, but the thing the other day with the guitar doesn’t matter.

Brendon is vulnerable and he ran to him. Ry doesn’t want to think about what this might mean. He has learned the hard way not to catch feelings for someone who has a boyfriend. He, however, might like the hot body hugging his waist and being pressed against his a bit too much. But hey, the boy needs comforting and Ryan sure as fuck won’t abandon him. Not when he says thing like ‘not wanting tomorrow’.

Bren’s breathing finally becomes normal and he eventually falls asleep. Ryan falls, too, even though he’s mostly awake just yet.

He will make sure nobody hurts Brendon Urie. Not that day and not any other day. He will protect him, even if it means he has to repress his own feelings.

Strange how things can change in such a short time.

 

When George Ross opens his son’s door half an hour later, he finds them tangled in each other, sleeping silently. He closes the door with amusement and a little bit of pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in this one, Bren and Ryan get closer and closer, Brendon actually breaks up with Dallon and when his mother realises his little boy is not straight, he runs away, eventually ending up in Ry's bed, crying himself to sleep  
> please comment and tell me how you like it because i need your opinion i'm like a too attached girlfriend


	16. Of sobbing 'sorry's and secrets you can't keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bren,” Ryan says and doesn’t even look at him. He just puts a hand on his arm reassuringly. “Don’t think about it,” he whispers him. Brendon stills and swallows.
> 
> “I will be okay, mom, you don’t have to worry about me,” Brendon says, his chest hurting at the words. She loves him so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okaaaaayy so here you are bbys  
> i'm so sorry it took me so long today to post i'm awful  
> also i have an asston of rehearsal these days because of a national holiday whATEVER but also i just love it sooo muuuuuuch i mean i'm in the theatre every afternoon can you believe it?? it's literally the best thing to ever happen to me  
> beta read by the marvellous officialagentwashington!!

Thursday, History, fourth period.

Brendon holds on to the edge of his desk. It’s not like he has slept much the night before.

When he woke up to Ryan lightly snoring next to him, he was on the verge of panic. It was just a moment of disorientation but it made his heart race at record speed. His breathing became quick and shallow, his mouth ran dry. The next moment he remembered how he got there and he felt hopelessly embarrassed. Why did he have to go and be so annoying and childish? And was Ryan actually okay with them sleeping together? Was it normal between two friends who just happen to be queer? Was he being disrespectful to his ex-boyfriend with this?

Of course he couldn’t get back to sleep after that.

“Bren,” a voice comes from behind him and he jumps. He does that a lot today.

It’s just Patrick, though. Brendon turns as if it hasn’t just scared him shitless. Trick is handing him a sandwich which Bren takes thankfully. He has left the one Ry made him in the morning in one of the classrooms and he didn’t go back to look for it.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Patrick smiles at him. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yap,” Bren nods too quickly, not even bothered by the fact he’s turning his back to the teacher. “It’s all really fine.”

“Mr. Urie?” Mr. Broden who stands at the board calls his name and he spins around. “Would you be so kind and include us all in your conversation?” he asks in a bored tone. Smartass, Bren thinks but doesn’t say it out loud of course.

“Sorry, sorry,” he puts up a hand. The teacher rolls his eyes and goes back to talking about 1943. Brendon can hear Bob Bryar commenting something on the scene prior and Joe laughs at it in the most annoying way ever. He shakes his head. How has he never realised that he was being the leader of a bunch of fuckers?

“Could you not get into trouble today?” Ryan whispers at him from the desk next to Brendon’s. His face reflects uneasiness which he doesn’t manage to hide.

“I’m okay, Ryro,” Bren just smiles. “You don’t have to worry about me, okay? I won’t get myself into anything.”

Bren tries. He really does.

Things just don’t always work out the way he wants it.

 

Ryan just can’t wrap his head around it. Brendon has been acting so strangely this morning. One moment he’s happy, the other he’s a ball of anxiety, then just angry and silent. Ever since they left Ryan’s bed at 6 a.m., Bren keeps changing his mind about things. Ry really hopes he didn’t cross a line with letting him stay the night. It was Brendon who asked for help, after all. Ryan only gave it to him.

Something is really not okay with him, but Ry can’t put a finger on it. Bren is sitting next to him in the cafeteria but he could as well be a mile away at this point. He is looking at his sandwich with disinterest and Ryan would pay to know what’s on his mind. Except for Pete and Mikey who just disappeared after the last period, the others are chatting happily around them, not really paying attention to them.

“She was so cute, I mean I don’t date girls but if I did, I’d definitely give her a chance,” Josh is talking about someone he met somewhere and Ry sees as Tyler, even though not looking at his boyfriend, slips closer and possessively grabs his hand in his own.

“Well, girls tend to be cute. Just so you know,” Ray tells them, clearly glad that the topic is not buttsex this time.

“We know, thank you,” Andy adds in.

“Yeah,” Patrick smirks. “I think I prefer girls, personally. They’re so much softer.”

“First of all, we all know you’re so fond of Gee you might just burst into flames,” Hayley argues while taking a bite of her apple. She ignores the red cheeks under the fedora as she goes on. “And second of all, boys are handsome. And sometimes can even be funny.”

“And hot,” Tyler nods solemnly.

“Can agree,” Josh grins.

“Oh, by the way, I wanted to bring Christa around to hang out with us. But you and your gayness might give her the wrong idea about me,” Ray shakes his head. All of them laugh, Ryan too. He loves that he and his friends can joke around about the topic. He can see from the corner of his eye that Bob’s gang is watching them.

“It’s not that funny,” Brendon speaks quietly.

“Why?” Patrick asks, stopping for a moment. Ry knows what comes next.

“Bren,” Ryan says and doesn’t even look at him. He just puts a hand on his arm reassuringly. “Don’t think about it,” he whispers him. Brendon stills and swallows. Ry suddenly realises how close they are for this whole situation to look platonic so he pulls away.

“What is happening with you two?” Hayley asks, doubting expression on her face already, even though she hasn’t got an answer yet. She just knows both of them too well. Ryan takes a deep breath. They have planned what they would say.

“It’s fine, Bren and I-“

“I told my mum I’m queer and she freaked out.”

Ry’s mouth is still open as Brendon blurts out the truth. The reaction is similar to what Ryan received when he told them his dad was dating Ms Urie.

“Holy smokes,” Patrick says slowly, eyes wide.

“Man. Wow,” Andy adds in.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Ray says quickly. “I didn’t mean to- It was just a joke, I didn’t know-“

“It’s fine, I’m alright,” Bren speaks but he keeps his eyes fixed on his tray. They are all silent for some moments. Ryan can’t look away from Brendon. The boy’s features have hardened and all emotions left his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Josh asks eventually. “It can help, sharing it. Personal experience.”

“I don’t know.”

“We are here to listen,” Hayley tells him as well.

“My parents were the same,” Tyler says quietly.

“Really?” Brendon looks up with caution.

“Yeah,” Ty nods and gives him a small smile. “They accepted it after some time. It’s just how it is and they can’t change it. You can’t change it either. Your mom will eventually realise it, too.”

“My dad and step-mom never heard of asexuality before I told them about it,” Patrick adds. “She’s maybe just afraid of something she doesn’t know. Educate her. It worked for me,” he shrugs but keeps an eye on Bren.

“Me and dad didn’t talk for almost a week after I came out to him,” Ryan says, looking down at his hands on the table.

“But… George…” Brendon tries but can’t really put it together. “He’s the best dad ever, he’s so cool about it.”

“Yeah, now he is,” Ry nods, glancing up at him. He sees Brendon staring at him with disbelief. Ryan closes his eyes, trying really hard not to remember everything from that time. “It was an awful week. But now I see that he needed his time, you know? You should give Grace some time.”

 

“Mom?” Brendon talks really quietly as he opens the front door. His hands are shaking, they have been for some hours now and it’s unnerving. He is drumming with his feet as well as he drops his bag on the floor. That fucking medication.

“Bren,” his mother comes out of the kitchen hurriedly. Her hair is a mess, her red eyes are looking at Brendon through her tears. She must have stopped crying just some minutes ago. She doesn’t look like she has gone to work today either.

“Oh, fuck,” Brendon swears under his breath. “Mom, I’m-“

“I’m so sorry, honey,” she speaks in a small voice and starts crying again. Even though Bren has been really, really angry at her last night, he can’t keep himself from walking up to her and hugging her. She puts her arms around her son and pushes her face into his chest. “I’ve been such a bad mother, I just hoped you’ll get back home today and I had no idea what to do last night, you ran away and I-“

“I-I shouldn’t have done that,” Brendon tells her, his throat closing up at the sound of his crying mother.

“No, it was my fault, sweetheart,” she insists still sobbing. “You’re my son and I’ve said some awful things I didn’t mean to say, I was just- I was afraid because I know how people treat queer children, and oh, Bren, I can’t let that happen to you.”

“I will be okay, mom, you don’t have to worry about me,” Brendon says, his chest hurting at the words. She loves him so much. And he left her last night when her world was turning upside down. “I was with Ryro and George, I hope you didn’t worry too much for me.”

“I know you were, I called George last night, he told me you and Ryan were asleep,” she speaks. Bren feels his cheeks heat up but doesn’t say a thing. His mom pulls away and looks up at him with her tear-washed face. “What?”

“Mom, Ryan is gay,” Brendon mutters. His mom is looking at his eyes for a moment but then her lips pull into a small, almost invisible smile.

“I guessed that,” she says.

“What do you mean?” Bren asks with a puzzled look.

“After you… told me about you last night and George said you two were sleeping together, it’s obvious,” she explains. Brendon’s mouth hangs open for a moment before putting it together.

“No, mom, no no no, we are not together, it’s-“

“You can tell me, okay?” she says, smile disappearing slowly. “I know last night was awful but I promise I’ll make it all better and try to do it properly.”

“Mom, you’re doing it properly and I’m really proud, but I’m not dating Ryan Ross.”

His mom thinks about it for a moment before saying:

“Well, then maybe you should.”

 

**Beebo:** and i told her about bob and the others and you all and im taking my pills again and now i think we are okay

_ guyliner is typing... _

**pattycakes:** oh gosh im so happy right now

**not blurry:** i told you its gonna be alright

**guyliner:** well babe i think its your turn to come out to mommy and daddy now

_ rainbow dash is typing... _

**rainbow dash:** first of all never call them that again

**Toronado:** really pete just dont eww

**rainbow dash:** second of all no thanks

**jishwa:** wait mikey dont your parents know?

**rainbow dash:** nah

_ yeahiplaythedrums is typing... _

**yeahiplaythedrums:** how do YOU even keep it a secret though

**pattycakes:** oOOO REKT

**not blurry:** oh crap dont get there

**thatpinkhead:** people just tend to ignore the obvious

_ Ryro is typing... _

_ pattycakes is typing... _

**Toronado:** oh shit someone is about to get Schooled

**Ryro:** what did you do this time andy

**pattycakes:** you know its about to turn srs when hayley speaks like a grammar textbook

**thatpinkhead:** why am i even friends with you guys

**Beebo:** bc we are awesome

**rainbow dash:** im fucking rainbow dash is it not enough

_ thatpinkhead is typing... _

_ guyliner is typing... _

**guyliner:** (no technically im doing that but okay)

**jishwa:** nO OMFG STOP

**thatpinkhead:** also its not about either of you, you selfish idiots

**thatpinkhead:** its about jamia

**guyliner:** what about her

**pattycakes:** hays we have talked about this

**thatpinkhead:** yeah but i want them to know

**not blurry:** shes pregnant isnt she

_ Ryro is typing... _

_ Toronado is typing... _

**Beebo:** oh my god

**Ryro:** whAT THE FUCK

**Toronado:** HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT TYLER

**not blurry:** as she said its obvious

**guyliner:** NO ITS FUCKING NOT

_ pattycakes is typing... _

**pattycakes:** i told you hays it would cause a shitstorm

**rainbow dash:** but how do you all know that

**not blurry:** shes sick every morning and cant stand smells

_ pattycakes is typing... _

**thatpinkhead:** shes more sensitive than ever

_ thatpinkhead is typing... _

**pattycakes:** and have you seen the things she eats for lunch

**thatpinkhead:** she cant stand when someone is being bullied, she starts crying

**jishwa:** but

**jishwa:** even if its true

**Ryro:** we cant do anything about it

_ thatpinkhead is typing... _

**thatpinkhead:** well someone will eventually have to

**yeahiplaythedrums:** and who will?

**thatpinkhead:** ill try

**rainbow dash:** you think shell talk to you?

**not blurry:** shes has no one else to talk to

**guyliner:** she has their gang

_ pattycakes is typing... _

**pattycakes:** oh come on, Bryar the big fluffing idiot, his bff Trohman whose brain is worth two apple cores, the mentally unstable Smith guy and the little emo who most certainly got her pregnant?

_ Ryro is typing... _

_ guyliner is typing... _

**Toronado:** WHAT THE FUCKIN HELL

**Ryro:** jesus fucking christ how do you all know these things

**guyliner:** iT ACTUALLY EXPLAINS A LOT

**jishwa:** what can we do now

_ Beebo is typing... _

**Beebo:** i could talk to frank

**pattycakes:** yeah you probably should

**thatpinkhead:** im so happy we finally told you

_ rainbow dash is typing... _

**rainbow dash:** yeah thanks for making our lives harder with this too

**guyliner:** babe

**rainbow dash:** just kidding

**rainbow dash:** obviously

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo i hope you enjoyed this chapter! 6 more to go, and even more adventure to come! comment on and stay wonderful <33


	17. Of junkies and not-friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan can see he is much better now than he was last week. Even if he is not always smiling, he is stable. Which is not something the relationship of Mikey and Pete is.
> 
> Brendon takes in the small group of people as he walks closer. Familiar people, familiar place. He sees Jon and Gabe sitting on a lying barrel, smoking joints side by side. Lindsey is sitting in the rotten armchair as the queen she wishes to be. She kind of is, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey bbys  
> here's another chapter, please enjoy!!  
> ps: my beta is wonderful and i'm awful for not sending her the chapter to correct  
> also, warning for drug abuse but otherwise it's safe i think  
> and happy halloween in advance (from someone whose country doesn't celebrate halloween) yaay

Brendon pulls the jacket tighter around himself as he walks.

This part of the city is not exactly what they advertise in the fancy magazines. The remains of the old factory are not really pretty; the now empty, enormous buildings are littered by rusting garbage and the once stern brick walls are covered with graffiti. Bren winces when he sees one wall painted with the names of his ex-gang. He walks a bit faster.

When he hears chatting and giggling around the corner, he knows he was right.

“And I swear to god-“

“We all know you’re Satanist, Lynz, you can’t fool us.”

“Oh, shut up, pretty boy- Brenny!” Lindsey’s face lights up with a grin as she sees him.

Brendon takes in the small group of people as he walks closer. Familiar people, familiar place. He sees Jon and Gabe sitting on a lying barrel, smoking joints side by side. Lindsey is sitting in the rotten armchair as the queen she wishes to be. She kind of is, really.

Frank is sitting on the remains of what looks like a car’s backseat, and he is not alone. He tries to pull away from the boy next to him as fast as he can who Brendon recognises immediately.

“Gee,” he says, with some uncertainty in his voice, even though he knows he is right.

“Hey, Brendon,” the redhead greets him with a lazy – but clean – smile. As if he hasn’t even noticed that Frank Iero has just left his lap.

“Oh, you know each other?” Jon asks and leans on Gabe’s shoulder sleepily. His eyes are troubled by the setting sun. Pathetic, Bren thinks and he is so thankful for getting out of this in time.

“Yeah, we met-“

“What are you doing here?” Frank asks, voice weak and face pale as sheet. His pupils are blown; he is high. Not _that_ high, though. He still knows he should be afraid of Brendon.

“It’s okay,” Bren says slowly, making sure he understands every word. “I came to talk.”

“Now _this_ should be interesting,” Gabe intervenes with a grin and Brendon looks at him. His head is literally so light he can barely keep it steady.

“I meant just you and me,” he continues to Frank, who looks like he really doesn’t want to stay alone with Bren.

“You can say anything you want to tell him in front of us,” Lindsey smiles at him with quite a cold smile. Brendon can see the fresh reddish spots on her lower arm and huffs. “We’ve known each other for quite a time, haven’t we, big boy?” she pouts at him.

“You’ve got a point there,” Bren gives her a fake smile. Yeah. It was enough time for Brendon to know he can’t trust her. He grabs Frank by the arm who hops off the seats, and pulls him with himself. They corner the building and Frank doesn’t stop. He lets Bren carry him and follows obediently.

“Okay,” Brendon starts when they halt at a huge pile of gravel, some corners away from the others. “Look, I know we’re not talking much these days-“

“Understatement,” Frank huffs. He avoids eye-contact and kicks at the gravel by his feet.

“Not like you were so keen on standing by me lately,” Brendon retorts. He won’t let the midget blame this on him.

“Me?” Frank asks, hurt-angry expression on his face and Bren only looks at his facial details now. His eyes are tired and he has circles under them, his skin is greyish and his lips are swollen. “I’m not standing by you?” he repeats, with more anger now. “It wasn’t me who fucking abandoned everything! I didn’t give up my status because I suddenly realised I was a jerk! It wasn’t _me_ who left his friends because I decided to suck the dick of Ryan R-“

Brendon acts faster than he could process it. He grabs Frank by the collar and shoves him backwards. Frank gives a surprised yelp as Bren pushes him up against the wall and glares at him with a furious expression. The smaller boy looks at him, scared and sad, clearly waiting for something painful to happen.

Brendon holds him in place for another moment before letting go of his shirt and steps back. Frank arranges the neck of his coat and runs a hand through his hair. They stand in an awkward silence. Bren didn’t mean to hurt him, and he hopes Frank knows it. He just… when he told him all that…

“So it’s true,” Frank breaks the silence.

“I didn’t come here to talk to you about boys,” Brendon tells him. “Even though it would be an interesting topic,” he adds, slightly motioning back towards the others with his head. Frank reddens in a second and looks away. This is something Bren will ask the others about. Gee is their friend, after all. “I wanted to ask you about Jamia.”

Frank’s eyes shoot up at him as if he has just fired a gun. His face reflects confusion and fear again and Brendon sees he really wants to hide it but he just can’t. “What about her?” he asks but his too high tone gives him away.

“I know about her,” Brendon says quietly but meaningfully. “We all do. About the baby,” he clarifies but he knows it is unnecessary.

“I have no- no idea what-“ Frank starts but his lips tremble and he suddenly bursts out in tears. Bren’s eyes widen. Frank leans back against the wall and sobs, uncontrollably. He covers his face with his hands and slowly slips down by the wall. Brendon has never seen him cry. It certainly looks like he has been bottling up his angst and stress and Bren was the last straw to it. “How?” Frank asks, voice muffled by his crying and his hands and the other boy almost misses it.

“Hayley and Patrick,” Brendon explains.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Frank looks up at him with red cheeks and teary eyes. “She won’t talk to me and I’m so fucking lost, I can’t help her,” he mumbles and leans back in his hands. Bren actually feels bad for him but-

“Getting high with these assholes here won’t help,” he tells Frank.

“I know,” the black-haired boy squeaks into his hands. “But this is all I have, fuck, I wanted to break up with her before this but I don’t think I- and now I’ve ruined her life.”

“Frank,” Brendon talks to him gently. When he doesn’t react, Bren grabs his upper arm and helps him stand up. Frank wipes his eyes with his hands, smudging some of the eyeliner on his face as well. He takes some deep breaths before shaking his head. Brendon looks at him with a questioning look so he speaks.

“Shit, Bren, can’t you see what you’ve done?” Frank asks. He is not angry, more like miserable and scared of everything. It’s certainly not what the taller boy is used to from him. “This is all because of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You thought you can just go and join the nerds and come out and stand up to fucking Bryar without it having an impact on others around you?” Frank speaks quietly and takes a deep breath. “And you know, the funny thing is you don’t realise how much you meant in our goddamn gang. The most of us wishes we could do what you did.”

And with that, Frank walks away, back to the four junkies. Brendon watches him go in awe for some moment, before turning around and leaving as well.

 

“So you talked to Iero?” Ray asks as Ryan and Brendon sit down next to his desk on Monday morning. Josh, Tyler and Andy are already there with him.

“Yeah,” Bren replies. Ryan can see he is much better now than he was last week. Even if he is not always smiling, he is stable. Which is not something the relationship of Mikey and Pete is.

“Okay, please tell me Mikeyway is coming to school today,” Pete blurts out as he rushes to his desk in front of Ray's. He throws down his bag on the floor and collapses on the chair.

“Isn't it your task to look after your boyfriend?” Tyler asks with a frown.

“It should be but I must have fucked up something because he's not talking to me now,” the short emo explains with too wide gestures. Ryan sees Bob and Joe and Spencer are sitting at their places, talking about something, not really giving them the smallest glances. Well, Spencer is more like just tagging along. He is sitting in silence, observing his own nails, as if looking for something.

“Don't tell me you two are already fighting,” Josh grins at Pete.

“It's not fucking funny at all,” Pete says with a pained expression. “I'm not sure we're still together.”

“What the fuck?” Ryan asks, keeping back a grin. He is sure it is nothing serious. “Shortest relationship ever.”

“I dunno, man, we just-” Pete can't finish it because Mikey walks up to them, sleepy and bitchfaced.

“Morning. Hi, babe,” he greets his - apparently - boyfriend with a kiss on the cheek, who just stares at him.

“Looks like you're still together,” Andy says and Tyler giggles at it.

“What?” the boy with the glasses asks.

“But- you didn't pick up your phone in the morning-” Pete looks at Mikey with a bewildered expression.

“You thought you were breaking up because he didn't answer the phone once?” Ryan draws the conclusion and the whole gang burst out in laughing.

“Hey guys,” Patrick joins them with a smile, sitting down at his desk. “What's up?”

“Petekey is still going strong,” Josh tells him as he leans over to put a random kiss on Tyler's lips.

“Also, Trick, there's no Pikachu at the factory,” Bren says. Ryan knows he is the only one Bren told about where he was going to meet Frank. He didn't know the things they talked about, though. Brendon wanted to tell all of them the same time.

“The factory is the junkies' camp,” Ray says cautiously.

“Yeah, it's exactly that,” Bren says with a shrug. “That's where Frank usually spends his afternoons.”

“Oh, you talked to him,” Patrick blinks, just remembering it now. “How was that?”

Ryan knows the way Brendon takes a breath means that he will speak. He would but Jamia just walks in that moment.

The group follows Bren's eyes to the girl as one person. Jamia gives them a worried glance and Ryan can't believe she is the same girl as the one who used to humiliate them every day. Her eyes are so tired and lifeless, her lips are chapped and she gives the impression of a mouse. Bob and Joe are looking at him in a way that says she is not welcomed to their gang.

And behind her, it is Hayley who enters the classroom. Jamia walks to an empty place far away from the jocks and sits down silently. Hayley, after she is sure they won’t call Jamia out, hurries to her friends and throws herself down on a chair.

“Don't even ask because I won't tell you,” she shakes her head and runs her fingers through her pink hair.

“Wow, okay,” Andy puts up a hand. “So I guess both you and Bren will keep secrets now?”

“Oh, crap, yes, you’ve talked to Iero, haven’t you?” Hayley turns to Brendon with eyes gleaming disgust. “What an asshole, really.”

“He really isn’t that bad,” Bren tries to tell her but she huffs and doesn’t reply. The others, however, gather closer to hear it when Brendon whispers. “It’s not easy for him either, you know… but at least we know now that the kid is his.”

“Fuck, can you imagine?” Pete looks at Mikey with wide eyes. “Iero as a dad.”

“What do you mean ‘not easy’?” Ryan asks. “He’s not even talking to Jamia, how would it affect him?”

“Not this,” Bren shakes his head. “I think he’s struggling with his sexuality.”

“What?” Ray asks a bit too loudly. Joe and Bob turn towards them and even Jamia looks up. Brendon only speaks when they all lose interest in their conversation.

“Yeah, you heard me.”

“No, that can’t be,” Patrick frowns.

“It’s funny, that it’s you telling me it can’t,” Brendon smiles bitterly at him. Ryan doesn’t understand what he means but he feels it won’t be pleasant.

Frank walks in the classroom now. The gang grows silent as he does and it is actually the worst way to hide they were talking about him. Frank doesn’t really care, though. He stops in the door, looking around. Ry glances at Bob. He is waiting for him to join them, looking at him in a way that shows Bob is superior to Frank and he is expected to what he is told.

And Frank walks to Jamia’s desk and sits down next to her.

Hayley’s mouth hangs open as she watches Frank smiling shyly at her and talking to her quietly. Jamia looks unaffected by it but Ryan knows she must be emotionally fucked up now.

“We all are staring, we should stop,” Mikey offers. The others kick into motion, all of them turning back towards their group.

“This- what is even happening here right now?” Tyler speaks.

“And it’s not even over yet,” Bren pulls a face at it.

“So you say he’s gay?” Josh asks sceptically. “He doesn’t look like it.”

“Well, he did when he was pulling away from kissing a guy at the factory,” Brendon adds nonchalantly. “Your redhead friend, actually,” he nods at Mikey.

“Who?” Hayley asks, frowning.

“The guy who was with us at Halloween,” Bren explains. “Gee.”

The group freezes. Actually, totally freezes. Nobody talks and nobody moves, they just look at each other in disbelief.

“No, he wasn’t,” Patrick is the first to talk. He looks stunned and horrified.

“He was,” Brendon nods. “I’m sorry, I know you like him, but-“

“Are you sure it was him?” Mikey asks, voice alarmingly steady and face blank.

“Yes, I’m sure!” Bren whisper-yells impatiently. “Why? Why are you all looking at me like this?”

“Beebo,” Ryan starts slowly. “We have news for you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beebo might be a bit oblivious


	18. Of last tries and jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yeahiplaythedrums:** also michael its 2 am go to sleep man  
>  **Toronado:** pete where r u when we need u to shut him up  
>  _guyliner is typing..._  
>  **guyliner:** my dad kinda locked me up in my room for the night after he realised i was sneaking out for months now?
> 
> “Bren?” a voice comes from behind the group and Brendon stops in mid-step.  
> He doesn’t know how much time has gone by since he and Dallon talked for the last time. He has no idea when he last has seen him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's here and it's brand new and i hope it will give you lovelies new kinds of shippy feels because we are slowly at the end of it and i'm more than a little sad because i don't wanna finish it just yet...  
> enjoy!!  
> beta-read by my wonderful officialagentwashington, thank you, darling, you are the best <33

**rainbow dash:** please kill me

 **rainbow dash:** im agonising

 **rainbow dash:** the darkness should swallow me

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** babe please

 **guyliner:** im sure its not that bad

 **rainbow dash:** what the fuck do you mean not bad

 **rainbow dash:** my brother is out for the night

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** more than possibly with that fucking asshole and i have to just sit at home and pretend its okay

 **thatpinkhead:** this chat just woke me up wazzup everyone

 **Toronado:** well yeah he is an asshole

 **Beebo:** your brothers vip asshole atm

_Ryro is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** nO SHUT UP FUCK

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**Ryro:** BE SO KIND AND FLING ME INTO THE VOID

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** also michael its 2 am go to sleep man

 **Toronado:** pete where r u when we need u to shut him up

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** my dad kinda locked me up in my room for the night after he realised i was sneaking out for months now?

_Beebo is typing..._

_Ryro is typing..._

**Beebo:** i wont even ask if you are being serious i know them

 **Ryro:** oh my fucking god am i getting old or is this just a tad too much

 **Toronado:** fuck pete

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** we should free him

 **guyliner:** what

 **Ryro:** yes lets do it

 **guyliner:** no guys its okay

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**Ryro:** how the fuck is that okay?

 **thatpinkhead:** jesus christ man and i thought my dad was obnoxious for not letting me have tattoos

 **guyliner:** no you cant come here

 **guyliner:** never

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** why?

 **guyliner:** well

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** they think im friends with a bunch of kids who are like in the chorus and the marching band and are mathletes

 **guyliner:** they would kill me and you all if it turned out i lied

 **thatpinkhead:** why did you even tell them these things

 **thatpinkhead:** im kinda offended

 **Ryro:** we dont even have these clubs at school pete

 **guyliner:** well patrick is good at math

_yeahiplaythedrums is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** and we are all kind of good at music

 **Beebo:** we should start a band really

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** oh yeah, a band with four singers, three drummers, a bunch of guitarists and two bassists

 **Ryro:** but hey speaking of us

 **Ryro:** where are the others?

 **Toronado:** p sure they r sleeping

 **guyliner:** nah joshler must be doing The Seks™

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** trick is here tho

 **Ryro:** what

 **Beebo:** patrick?

 **pattycakes:** hi

 **guyliner:** hEY PATTY

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** why dont you talk to us trick

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** not in the mood

_Toronado is typing..._

_Ryro is typing…_

**Toronado:** wow do smol beans stay up this late i didnt know that hey patpat

 **Ryro:** u stay up when you have troubled thoughts

 **Beebo:** are you okay man

 **pattycakes:** yeah

_guyliner is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** much acting skills

 **guyliner:** nooooo someone hurt my sweet little potato i shall go and murder them

 **pattycakes:** you are locked up arent you

_rainbow dash is typing..._

**rainbow dash:** is it about gee

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**Toronado:** v considerate thank u moikey

 **thatpinkhead:** shit trick i really hope its not about them, we talked about this

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** you guys should stop worrying about me nobody dies of crushing on someone out of their league

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** well i actually have a bunch of referrences in history to disprove that

 **Ryro:** but really trick

 **pattycakes:** jesus just leave me alone

_Toronado is typing..._

**Toronado:** jesus will never leave you alone son

 **thatpinkhead:** (maybe not the right time ray)

 **rainbow dash:** trick pm me

_guyliner is typing..._

**guyliner:** nO I NEED TO KNOW HOW MY LITTLE DUDE GETS BY

 **Beebo:** do you need us to send you dank memes patrick

 **pattycakes:** please do

 

Every day goes by a bit quicker than the previous one, Brendon realises. Now that he is actually friends with quite a lot of people in his class, he doesn’t count the days till the weekend.

Thursday afternoon is quite sunny. The middle of November is usually cold and sad but the gang doesn’t feel it at the moment.

“ _Pleeease_ , Mikeyway,” Pete tugs at his boyfriend’s arm as he whines. “It will be fucking awesome!”

“I mean, you don’t have to call it a ‘double date’, necessarily,” Josh tries with a shrug.

“Yeah, it’s basically getting food with friends,” Tyler adds with a grin. Mikey is apparently having none of it.

“I’d be glad if you all would just stop nagging me about it,” he sighs, but Brendon can see he is keeping back a smile. Ryan can see it, too, and when their eyes meet, Bren beams at him.

“I don’t see why he’s so stubborn about it,” Hayley shakes her head, speaking at Patrick. She tries to include him in the conversation as well, but he has been silent all day. She gives up. “I almost feel like you’re ashamed of your friends,” she teases to get a reaction out of Mikey, but it doesn’t happen.

“Well, Joshler _can_ be unnerving,” Andy nods.

“I’m happy at least you are on the same opinion,” Mikey tells him.

“Bren?” a voice comes from behind the group and Brendon stops in mid-step.

He doesn’t know how much time has gone by since he and Dallon talked for the last time. He has no idea when he last has seen him.

Bren turns around slowly. Dallon is standing in front of him, hair captured under a beanie, hands in the pockets of his black felt coat.

“Hi, Dal,” Brendon greets him, but his throat closes up and it comes out cracked.

“Can we, erm, talk for a moment?” he asks and is visibly embarrassed because the whole gang is watching him with a puzzled expression. Bren blushes, as if Dallon being is ex would be all too obvious.

“Sure,” he nods and steps away from them. “Hey, I can join you at McDonald’s later, okay?” he asks as he turns back at them.

“Yeah,” Ryan tells him, eyes not leaving Bren’s. He is silently asking something and Brendon doesn’t want to know what.

They eventually leave Bren and Dal behind, in an awkward silence. The weathers seems to chill as well, but Brendon might be just imagining it. Brendon avoids eye-contact.

“How are you, Bren?” Dallon speaks, quietly.

“Fine,” Bren replies with a short nod and crosses his arms on his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.”

Brendon looks up and finds Dal watching him with a sad but determined expression. He steps closer and Bren needs to steel himself not to step back. Dallon unfolds his arms and takes a hand in his. Brendon feels his heartbeat speed up, because he _has_ come out, but still… holding hands with a boy in front of his school just doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t pull away, thought.

Dal pulls Bren in a hug and the younger boy closes his eyes as he returns it. He buries his face in the crook of Dallon’s neck and inhales his smell. Brendon didn’t even know he missed his touch and presence as much as he did.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to make you angry,” Dallon admits, voice smooth and calming. “I know we didn’t spend enough time together, I’ve gone away and left you here, in this hell of a place… but I am back and I promise not to leave again, you hear me?” he asks and holds Bren closer.

A familiar feeling blooms in Brendon’s chest and he knows he felt like this when they got together. It felt so good to have someone who holds him. Who cares about his opinion and tells him he is beautiful and that he _matters_. Bren knows it has been the same for Dal as well.

But that’s it, he realises. That is all they have ever been. Staying together because they don’t have anybody else.

Except that Bren now _has_.

“I really didn’t want to hurt what we have, you know?”

“What we _had_ ,” Brendon whispers, opening his eyes. He gently pulls away to see Dallon staring at him with wide eyes. “It’s over, Dal. I’m sorry.”

The older boy just looks at him, hands falling to his sides. He is figuring things out. His eyes reflect hurt and look like he is about to cry. He doesn’t, though. He just stands up straighter and steps back.

“See you then, Brendon.”

“Goodbye.”

They both turn around but Bren can only take a few steps before Dal speaks again.

“Was this eyeliner boy who gave you the nickname?” he asks and Brendon stops. He doesn’t turn back, thought.

“What nickname?”

“Beebo.”

It is Brendon’s turn to be speechless. He suddenly feels ashamed for something he is not even sure he should be. Ryan, the nickname, the heaps of new feelings he makes him feel…

“It has nothing to do with us, Dal.”

“I never said it has,” Dallon tells him, having it inclined that he _knows_ it has.

“Me and Ryan, we have _nothing_ going on,” Bren says but his voice is too defensive even for himself. He is just digging himself deeper in the hole.

“I am sure,” Dallon says indifferently and Brendon can hear him walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((((((look at the tags i've updated them))))))  
> (((gotta tell you more about it soon))))  
> ((((((((((((((i'm so sorry)))))))))))))))))


	19. Of lipsticks and first kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Heeeey, kiddos,” Pete chimes in, basically skipping to the table, with a huge grin plastered on his face. He is holding Mikey’s hand, the tall dork with glasses looking really done. Brendon is walking with them, smiling knowingly. When his eyes meet Ryan’s, the shorter boy’s stomach does the butterflies-thing and he knows he won’t finish his sandwich.
> 
> “I feel like I’ve ruined everybody’s lives.”  
> “With what, exactly?” Ry asks, not really understanding. “With being yourself?”  
> “Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions,” he answers bitterly.  
> “This is the dumbest thing I’ve heard from you,” Ryan says honestly and Brendon looks up at him. Ry slips closer to him on the bedsheets and puts a hand on his thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darlings i'm terribly sorry for being awful, i know i should have updated days ago but it was prom time and i had rehearsals like every day but it is fINALLY HERE and i really hope it was worth the wait xx

Wednesday, lunch time.

“I’m just saying it’s probably not the wisest thing to do,” Andy murmurs to Tyler and Josh as Ryan arrives to their table.

“What’s not?” Ry asks while he sits down and rummages in his bag.

“Pissing Bryar off,” Andy mutters with a small nod towards the table behind his back. The blond bully is watching them with an expression that says he really hates all of them. Joe is not there with him either and it just makes his death-glare even more obvious.

“You know what? I couldn’t care less,” Josh grins at Andy and turns to his boyfriend, grabbing Tyler’s chin and pulling him in for a perfectly visible kiss from Bryar’s perspective. The bully pulls a face of disgust, Ryan can see, but doesn’t do anything else. Ty giggles as he pulls away.

“Where are the others, by the way?” Andy asks, just to say something, Ry suspects.

“Hayley is with Jamia, I guess. She said she’d take Jamia to the hospital today,” Ryan tells him, opening the package of his sandwich.

“For the abortion, I know that,” Andy speaks, frowning in front of himself. “But Brendon, Messrs Way-Wentz and Trick?”

“And me, you wanted to say,” Ray says from behind Ryan. He sits down next to him, nose turned up a little.

“Of course, King of Sass,” Tyler smirks. Ray flips him off, then puts his bag on the table and sighs dramatically.

“Who knew life was so boring when you had no bullies following you around?”

“You all are so childish,” Andy shakes his head.

“Heeeey, kiddos,” Pete chimes in, basically skipping to the table, with a huge grin plastered on his face. He is holding Mikey’s hand, the tall dork with glasses eyHelooking really done. Brendon is walking with them, smiling knowingly. When his eyes meet Ryan’s, the shorter boy’s stomach does the butterflies-thing and he knows he won’t finish his sandwich.

“You look like a kid at Christmas,” Josh observes with a dubious glance.

“Yeah, I do, because this boy right here is the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends ever,” Pete says and he talks really fast.

“Please, if it’s explicit, I don’t want to hear it,” Ray smirks.

“Last night Mikeyway promised me to go on a double date with you guys!” the small emo practically screams at Josh and Tyler. The duo’s faces light up.

“Okay, first of all,” Mikey cuts them off before they could talk. “I choose where we go. Second of all, if I want to go home, the date is over, okay?”

“Anything for you, my love,” Pete singsongs and kisses Mikey on the cheek. The Way boy brushes him off but smiles slightly. Ryan is pretty sure this is what love looks like on Mikey's face.

“Guys, oh my gosh,” Patrick rushes over to them out of nowhere. His now usual indifference is long gone as he stops by the table.

“Wow, Trick, you are talking again,” Andy says with an impressed expression.

“Shut up and listen to me,” Patrick snaps at him and looks around to see if all of them are there. Ry can see his cheeks reddening at whatever he is about to tell them. He hesitates, though.

“Well?” Brendon asks, frowning at the fedora boy.

“I found Spencer in the boys’ restroom,” Patrick starts very quietly.

“Was he jerking off?” Pete grins widely. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone walks in on him,” he chuckles and exchanges a look with Brendon who smirks as well.

“No, it’s- he was-“ Patrick doesn’t really know how to put it, but then decides to just take a deep breath and say it. “He had a lipstick and was applying it to himself.”

The table grows silent of all the chuckles and guesses. The boys are looking at Patrick, as if waiting for him to say it was just a joke. But they all know it is not something _they_ , of all people, would joke about.

“Are you sure he was?” Tyler asks slowly. Ryan knows why he thinks Patrick was just imagining it. He has been through a tough time and he is barely eating these days, he could have easily-

“I am not blind, fuck it,” Patrick exclaims.

“Oh shit, Patty, it’s a _bad word_ ,” Ray whispers intensely.

“Beebo?” Ryan asks the boy next to him because he is staring deeply at the table in front of himself.

“Frank was right,” Brendon glances up at Ry with a bewildered expression. “I’ve started an avalanche.”

 

“I think I’ll be going, too,” Andy grabs his bag from the end of the bed. He is the last to leave Ryan’s room. Well, except for Brendon.

The gang has talked for hours in the spacious bedroom. From Hayley’s relationship with Jamia and Spencer’s new liking for leggings and – apparently – lipstick, to finding a solution for Patrick’s problem. They couldn’t come up with anything for it but they at least tried. The fedora boy’s absence let them talk freely about the whole thing.

Now that Pete and Mikey left earlier, followed by Ray and finally by Tyler and Josh, Brendon feels dangerously close to turning in. He caused the whole thing. Frank leaving Jamia, Spencer going through some kind of identity crisis, even the thing with Dallon, it is all his fault. He has-

“Bren?” Ryan speaks softly.

They are sitting on the two ends of Ryan’s bed, only illuminated by the light of the small lamp on the bedside table. Ry is looking at him with worry, sitting against the headboard with his back.

“Yeah?”

“You keep spacing out all afternoon,” Ryro frowns slightly. “Are you okay?”

Brendon wants to lie to him.

“No, I’m not.”

He finds he can’t, though. He needs someone to comfort him and the beautiful boy is sitting next to him so it is simply logical.

“Is it about Spencer?”

“No.”

“Dallon?”

“Yes. Kinda. It’s not just him, okay?” Bren sighs. “I feel like I’ve ruined everybody’s lives.”

“With what, exactly?” Ry asks, not really understanding. “With being yourself?”

“Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions,” he answers bitterly.

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve heard from you,” Ryan says honestly and Brendon looks up at him. Ry slips closer to him on the bedsheets and puts a hand on his thigh. He watches Brendon with a sympathetic look. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You know perfectly well that what happens in your surroundings doesn’t change your sexuality or your gender identity.”

“Yeah, but-“ Bren tries breathlessly, because _fuck_ , when did Ryro start to act this hot around him?

“Stop blaming yourself,” Ryan whispers, caressing his jeans. “You can’t take care of everything around you.”

You really believe it?, Brendon doesn’t ask. He is afraid his voice would break because Ry is _so close_ …

“Sometimes you should turn off your brain, you know?” Ryan speaks in a far too sexual voice. “Sometimes you should just… roll with whatever happens.”

That’s it. Bren it sure he manages to turn off his brain because he doesn’t think about it, he leans over and covers the younger boy’s mouth with his own.

The world stops. Brendon’s whole body becomes super sensitive, starting with his lips. All he can think about is _yes, yes, yes_. He actually did it. And Ryan is not pulling away. In fact, the Ross boy, after the first shock, smiles into the kiss. His hand from Bren’s thigh lands quickly on his hip. Brendon’s head is dizzy. He puts his hands on Ryan’s neck, pulls him closer, even closer. He slips his tongue inside between Ryan’s lips and the smaller boy moans around it. Bren shivers lets a hand fall on Ryro’s chest. Ry puts an arm around his neck, swings a leg over the taller boy’s lap and seats himself there. The kiss is becoming a fight of tongues and Brendon feels himself getting more and more aroused as Ryan grinds down on his lap.

When they pull away for air, Bren can’t stop himself.

“If you knew how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he whispers, hand grabbing Ryro’s hip with desire.

“That makes the two of us,” Ryan grins at him and pulls him back for a new kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some information on how the story will end:  
> The 21st chapter and the epilogue will be heart-wrenching, i promise that and i am am ready for your - and my own - tears  
> BUT  
> I will create an alternative ending for the story, it will arrive on Christmas Eve and it will be a happy ending that you guys all deserve  
> It will also be uploaded as a new work, connected to this one as a sequel so stay tuned my beautiful people <3


	20. Of awkward conversations and double dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I am happy for you as well,” George smiles at him knowingly.  
> “What do you mean?” Ry asks absentmindedly and takes a forkful of his pasta in his mouth.  
> “You and Brendon.”
> 
> Ryro: theres not much to say tbh  
> pattycakes: but we need them Juicy Infos  
> Beebo is typing...  
> Beebo: we made out on ryros bed and cuddled while listening to the beatles and i asked him to be my boyfriend is it enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to my defence, i know that there are countries where it's still thursday okay  
> as usual by now my beta hasn't seen this chapter yet  
> why am i like this

When Ryan finds his father sitting in the living room it the evening on Thursday, he instantly thinks he is in trouble. He didn’t tell him he would go out after school and it is quite late so he _might_ be.

“Uhm, hi, dad,” he greets as he closes the door behind himself. His dad looks up from his laptop with a small smile.

“Hey,” George Ross puts the computer on the coffee table and crosses his legs. “I was thinking about having a… a dinner together, how about that?” he asks, eyes roaming over his son’s face.

“Woah, okay…” Ryan looks back at him suspiciously. It doesn’t sound like he is in trouble but he has a bad feeling about this.

Some minutes later, Ryan is sitting at the dining table, his father across from him. They are eating in silence and Ry only realises now how their relationship has changed. Some months ago, they could talk about anything, Ryan knew about every aspect of his father’s life and vice versa. And now… they are sitting, with only barely some words exchanged.

“So,” his father talks finally, clearing his throat. “Your friends are here more often nowadays.”

“Yeah,” Ry nods, eyeing his mac and cheese. “We could hang out somewhere else, if you’d like, though.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” George tries to make eye contact but it doesn’t really happen. “I like it when you are all here. Makes the house loud again.”

Ryan doesn’t need to ask why. He knows all too well. His eyes wander on the wall right behind his father, where a picture of his late mother hangs. George Ross smiles at his son as he notices what he must be looking at.

“Look, Ry, I know… that lately all I’m concentrating on is my work… well, my work and Grace,” he talks, and Ryan glimpses at him before returning to his mac and cheese. “I really hope it’s not a problem with you.”

“Of course, not, dad, I’m glad you’re happy,” Ryan reassures him and even though it sounds like a cliché, he wants his father to know he is being honest.

“And I am happy for you as well,” George smiles at him knowingly.

“What do you mean?” Ry asks absentmindedly and takes a forkful of his pasta in his mouth.

“You and Brendon.”

The mac and cheese almost chokes him to death. He has to cough multiple times before he is able to breathe and talk again.

“What?!” he asks his father with wide eyes. George Ross just smiles at him.

“You think I’m blind? You two are so adorable.”

“Jesus, dad, no, we are not… we really aren’t,” Ry tries but he feels his cheeks heat up as he covers them with his hands.

“Yesterday when you came downstairs?” George asks with a mischievous grin. “Don’t tell me there was nothing there.”

“There- when did we start to talk about this?” Ryan asks, feeling utterly embarrassed and confused.

“Okay, okay, let’s talk about something else,” his father tells him, with a pleased smile on his face. “I just wanted to tell you to treasure him, okay?”

“What? Why?” Ryan blinks at him.

“The way he looks at you… you are really lucky to have a boy like him, Ry.”

 

 **Toronado:** so thats why i think inside out is literally the best movie ever

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** wow i never though you could be this passionate about an animated film

 **thatpinkhead:** you have seen nothing yet bren

 **pattycakes:** wait till its about the pixar theory

_Toronado is typing..._

**yeahiplaythedrums:** oh god not again

 **Toronado:** LEMME TELL YOU A SHORT STORY ABOUT HOW ALL MOVIES ARE TOTALLY SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE

_Ryro is typing..._

**thatpinkhead:** fuck this has been the same with mikey

 **thatpinkhead:** he is totally hooked now

 **Ryro:** its okay ray im gonna make him watch a ton of them anyway because he is apparently Not Well Educated on the subject

 **Beebo:** did you just promise me netflix and chill ryro ;)

 **Ryro:** ;)))

_pattycakes is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**pattycakes:** woW OKAY THIS SHIP WILL KILL ME RIP

 **not blurry:** i log in and get this Y

 **thatpinkhead:** why is this lovely and sweet when you two do it and why gross when its joshler

 **jishwa:** hey bra

 **thatpinkhead:** oops

 **Toronado:** but wait a sec guys

 **Toronado:** did something happen in rydenland we are not aware of

 **Ryro:** ;)))))))))

 **Beebo:** ;)))) :*

_pattycakes is typing..._

_not blurry is typing..._

**Toronado:** N    O          W    A         Y

 **pattycakes:** YAS MY CHILDREN YOU FINALLY DID IT

 **not blurry:** JOSH BABE YOU OWE ME TEN

 **Beebo:** what

 **Ryro:** did u bet on us

 **jishwa:** FUCK

 **not blurry:** nah we didnt

 **jishwa:** it was about the time when you would

_not blurry is typing..._

**not blurry:** i bet it would happen this week after we saw how you looked at each other

_jishwa is typing..._

**jishwa:** just another few days was it too much to ask of your dicks to stay in your pants

 **Ryro:** we havent done it jesus christ you are the worst

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** but you love us ;))))

 **thatpinkhead:** oH MY GOD ANDY

 **Ryro:** i do, love ;))))))));));));))

 **not blurry:** are we still the gross ones hays

 **thatpinkhead:** yeah tbh

 **Toronado:** why r u two here anyway

 **Beebo:** yeah isnt it double date night

_jishwa is typing..._

_jishwa sent 1 picture._

**jishwa:** peet is in the restroom and mikey just joined him

_not blurry is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

**not blurry:** they might be doing the do in that public restroom over there

 **Toronado:** wow this place looks Expensive AF

 **not blurry:** nah joshy just likes to show off

 **Ryro:** that sounded extremely dirty thank

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** not dirtier than that bathroom door tbh eww germs

 **pattycakes:** and how is it going so far tho

 **jishwa:** its okay mikey is hilarious

 **not blurry:** pretending he doesnt want to be here

 **jishwa:** entertaining pete boi under the table

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

_Toronado is typing..._

**Beebo:** THE WHAT DOES HE DO

 **thatpinkhead:** WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING W U PEOPLE

 **Toronado:** fucK ITS 6 PM ARE THEY GODDAMN ANIMALS OR WHAT

 **jishwa:** oh they are coming bye gays

_pattycakes is typing..._

**pattycakes:** nO DONT U DARE LEAVING

 **Toronado:** send more pics ples i need to see milkyways face

 **thatpinkhead:** IM STILL SHOOK OKAY

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** okay but back to ryden

 **Toronado:** OH RIGHT

_Ryro is typing..._

_Beebo is typing..._

**Ryro:** what about us

 **Beebo:** what about us

 **thatpinkhead:** AWWWWWW

 **pattycakes:** literal goals okay

 **rainbow dash:** you make me sick

 **guyliner:** but a good kinda sick ikr

 **Beebo:** why

 **rainbow dash:** no.

 **Ryro:** well u sure do know how to get in The Mood

 **Toronado:** what mood

 **Beebo:** ;)))))

 **rainbow dash:** what

 **rainbow dash:** ew

 **Ryro:** i meant Festive Mood u dirty bastards

_not blurry sent 2 pictures._

**not blurry:** 2nd cutest homo couple in town tbh

_pattycakes is typing..._

_guyliner is typing..._

_Ryro is typing..._

**pattycakes:** LEANING TO LOOK AT EACH OTHERS PHONES WHAT IS LOVE

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** baby dont hurt me

 **guyliner:** U ASS I THOUGHT U WERE TAKING A SELFIE I HATE U

 **Ryro:** its hard to live a shippers life when yoUR OTP IS LITERALLY EATING FROM THE SAME PLATE KILL ME

 **rainbow dash:** but you look great here pete

 **pattycakes:** AWWWH MY GOOOOOD

 **guyliner:** ily baby <33

 **Beebo:** ryro i thought ur otp was viktuuri

_Ryro is typing..._

**jishwa:** BORN TO SHIP VIKTUURI AMIRIGHT

 **Ryro:** itS nOT EASY TO HAVE MULTUPLE OTPS EITHER

 **thatpinkhead:** buuuuut

 **thatpinkhead:** back to ryden

 **Beebo:** why

 **Ryro:** theres not much to say tbh

 **pattycakes:** but we need them Juicy Infos

_Beebo is typing..._

**Beebo:** we made out on ryros bed and cuddled while listening to the beatles and i asked him to be my boyfriend is it enough

_Toronado is typing..._

_thatpinkhead is typing..._

**pattycakes:** dEAD

 **yeahiplaythedrums:** very nice boys congrats

 **Toronado:** WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND Y DID I NOT KNO THIS

 **thatpinkhead:** THATS LITERALLY THE MOST HIPSTER THING IVE EVER HEARD AND CONGRATS BTW

 **not blurry:** OH MY GOD BOIIIS

 **Ryro:** thanks kids

 **guyliner:** caN I HAVE THE SEXTAPE ONCE IT HAPPENS

 **Ryro:** no

 **Beebo:** yES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you fucking rEADY for the Last Chapter  
> i don't even want to tell you anything about it  
> i'm not even sorry  
> i mean  
> heartbreak is lovely isn't it


	21. Of madness and good-byes never said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jishwa: hays  
> jishwa: ive seen bryar in the halls w a gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this is a very very very violent chapter, it has gun violence, homophobia, multiply character deaths and some images that can be triggering and/or inappropriate for some readers so if you feel like it's not for you please don't read it because the most important thing is that you stay safe <33 in the epilogue you can read the non-triggering version of events anyway so skip this chapter if you feel like it's the safe way for this to go!

Ryan is basically sleeping in his Geography class on Tuesday, first period. It hasn’t been much fun and his teacher doesn’t really care, so he drifts into light sleep to the sound of Hayley softly chuckling at her phone behind him.

Ryan is thinking about various things as he lies down; how his life has changed since Brendon and Pete are with them and how his and Bren’s relationship became a thing out of nothing. They might even have a _real_ something between them. How crazy is this? It makes him smile in his slumber…

He wakes up to someone poking at the back of his neck. He has no idea how much he has slept but when he turns to look at Hayley, her once playful chuckle has been replaced with a sheet-white complexion. She holds her phone out for Ryan to take who sees texts from Josh.

 **jishwa:** hays

 **jishwa:** ive seen bryar in the halls w a gun

 **jishwa:** dont let the others panic ok stay calm and dont tell ty im out here

 

Josh has been in the restroom for like an hour, Brendon thinks absentmindedly. He has been doodling silly little figures on his textbook and as he looks around, he sees his friends being extremely bored as well.

Spencer is shooting him careful glances every now and then and Bren smiles at him encouragingly. He knows how much it would have meant to him if someone had taken the effort to smile at him a year ago. Spence is obviously unsure but smiles back, then looks away shyly. He is wearing light pink lipstick and mascara.

Brendon’s phone buzzes under the desk and his face lights up when he sees it’s from Ryan.

 **Ryro:** bob is on your floor and has a gun stay inside the classroom

Bren feels his insides literally freeze in a moment.

Ryan can’t be serious… can he? He wouldn’t joke about something like this. It’s not funny at all.

Brendon can’t feel his fingers and his breathing becomes shallow as he lets the phone slip from his hands with a loud noise. He comes back to his senses to see everyone watching him, and picks it up from the ground when he realises he is shaking. He feverously tries to look for something to do, but the harder he tries, the number and emptier his brain becomes.

“Man, are you alright?” Ray asks him from a desk not far away. His concerned expression shows Bren looks just as bad as he feels.

“Bob is in the halls and he has a gun,” he whispers faintly, words foreign for his now dry lips. Ray is stunned for a moment, then his face shows panic as he processes what Brendon just said.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, face running out of blood, “ _fuck fuck fuck_. You don’t think-?”

“I do,” Bren speaks, lump in his throat growing rapidly. “He’s here for us.”

“What happened, kids?” Tyler and Mikey turn to him as well, looking like they have just had a really intense conversation but have been distracted by the two.

As Brendon repeats what he has just said, he can’t see how Tyler’s expression changes into total horror because his vison is already blurred.

“What?! No! We can’t stay here!” he yells, attracting every pair of eyes in the room as he stumbles to his feet, with a terrified expression. “My boyfriend is out there,” he explains with shaky determination and would leave if Mikey didn’t take his wrist.

“Stop,” he warns him, panic only in his eyes. “You can’t go out there!”

“I’ll fucking go!” his eyes are teary and staring. “Just imagine it’s _Pete_!” he yells at him, on the verge of crying. Mikey looks taken aback for a moment. He lets go of his wrist with defeat. Tyler stands back, nods at him and rushes out of the classroom. The teacher is staring after him but doesn’t say anything.

“For fuck’s sake!” Ray jumps to his feet and follows him. Mikey takes a shocked look at Brendon and they don’t need to say anything to know they all are going with Tyler.

 

“He doesn’t answer me!” Ryan whispers Hayley, looking up at her with huge eyes.

“He fucking went out, I knew he would!” Hays holds on to the desk, panicking. Ry feels like he is about to throw up. His boyfriend is on the same floor as the homophobe violent asshole with the gun. He can’t just sit and watch.

“I need to find him,” Ryan stands up from his seat and makes his way to the teacher. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel well, I go to the restroom,” he tells him and just leaves.

He rushes down to the first floor, only stopping at the foot of the stairs to catch his breath. He realises he can now bump into Bryar anytime. His heartbeat is alarming and not only from running two storeys.

He peers out at the hallway but it looks clear. He rushes towards the boys’ bathrooms to find Josh. He has a feeling of being watched but he tries to calm himself.

He pushes the door open and stops immediately.

“Ryan!” Brendon launches himself at his boyfriend, hugging him tightly to himself.

“Beebo, fuck, why did you not answer-” he wants to ask but then he sees the others standing around them, crumped in the small room. Josh is holding onto Tyler’s hand in his palm, Mikey is typing away on his phone furiously, surely to Pete.

“Ry, we need to get out,” Ray speaks, voice stern but low. He tries really hard to keep it together, Ryan can see. “The others, too.”

“And Spencer,” Brendon adds. “He can get hurt now, too.”

“Yeah but the teachers and the other kids will be in danger too if they start panicking,” Tyler points it out with a fearful expression. “What if he has friends with him? We should just get out and when he won’t find us we can alert someone-”

“You all, get somewhere safe, okay? I go and get my boyfriend,” Mikey talks with determination, pocketing his phone, and opens the bathroom door. He looks around, then disappears outside.

 

Mikey gets to the classroom at record time and tears up the door. The teacher looks at him with a strange expression, but he couldn’t care less.

“I’ve been sent for Pete, Patrick, Hayley and Andy,” he states. “The four of them. The principal wants them in his office.”

“Well, okay, thank you,” the teacher blinks at him. “They may go.”

Hayley stumbles out with weak knees, Patrick and Andy are suspicious and Pete- well, he is confused about all of this but Mikey will tell them everything. He closes the door behind the four of them.

“And what now?” Hayley asks in a small voice, eyes darting up and down the corridor.

“We’ll have to get Bryar’s gang out, too. They all can be on his list as well.”

“How do you know they’re not in on it?” Hays frowns, tears welled up in the corner of her eyes. She is about to lose it.

“What the fluff is going on here?” Patrick asks, putting up a hand.

“Yeah, babe, you only texted it’s emergency, but why?” Pete asks and takes his boyfriends hand. Mikey still feels his chest warm up at the now familiar feeling but instead of giving in to the unbearable urge to cry now he tells them everything.

“And we need to split up because we’re a fucking big target, okay?” he draws the conclusion, gripping Pete’s hand harder. “You three, go and get out _right now_ , okay? I go with Andy to the other class and get Frank and Spencer,” he tells them. Andy is big enough to take care of both of them and Bryar somehow always seemed to find it wiser not to fuck with him.

“No, Mikeyway, you can’t go there,” Pete’s eyes grow wide. “I don’t let you go.”

“Me neither, you can’t waste any time, you might be the number one he is looking for,” Hayley tells him.

“That’s why I’m gonna go,” Patrick steps closer to Andy. “We’ll do it, and you three go. We’ll join you outside,” he looks at Andy who nods reassuringly at them. With that, Patrick turns around and leaves, with Andy by his side. Mikey wants to follow them to tell Trick he is being ridiculous but Hayley pulls him back.

“No, they can do it,” she states firmly. Mikey takes a look at Pete who is staring after Patrick with wide eyes and parted lips, like he wants to yell out but won’t. Miserable. Mikey couldn’t leave him like this now. He just watches Patrick and Andy go with long steps and wishes them luck.

 

To say Frank is shocked when a flushed Patrick Stump steps into the classroom and tells him to follow him and Andy Hurley with Joe and Spencer is an understatement.

“What’s this?” Frank asks, standing in front of the fedora boy in the hallway. His friends are looking at him and Andy with matching amazement.

“Bob turned up with a gun and we don’t know who his target is so we came to get you out, too,” Andy sums it up.

After the guys’ first shock, Patrick speaks again.

“We go to the ground floor, we head for the main entrance, it should be okay because he was on the first floor before,” he explains.

“Okay, but do you _really_ think he would fire that gun?” Joe asks, with hope he would say no, he doesn’t think that.

“Don’t you?” Andy asks, trying too hard to stay calm. “After everything you’ve done to us, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.”

“Then why didn’t you just leave us here?” Frank asks the obvious with a grimace. “If we have been that horrible to you. Aren’t we just as bad as him?”

“No, you’re not,” Patrick answers him with an angry glare. He has something else on the tip of his tongue, Frank can tell, but he doesn’t say it. He just urges them towards the stairs instead. “Stop this and come on, we need to get the hell out of here.”

 

They agree to leave the bathroom in groups. Ray, Tyler and Josh go first, they open the door and when they are sure there is nobody on the corridor, they slip out.

Ray leads them, not running to avoid being too loud. He tries being quick, though. They think if they manage to get to the ground floor, they will be able to escape through the main entrance. The boys follow him, and they almost get to the stairs when they hear somebody coming up there.

There is a moment of excruciating fear, then-

“Fuck,” Ray whispers intensely and starts running back towards the bathroom. Tyler and Josh run after him, and when they hear the person behind them breaking into a run, they know they were right. It is impossible to get back to the restroom on time, so Ray takes a sharp turn to the left.

He throws himself in through the first door he can open and Tyler is right behind him. The library. Josh, is slower and he needs some more seconds to arrive. By the time he is inside, Ray has dragged Tyler with himself into the forest of shelves, disappearing deep inside the library. Ray hears Josh arriving and looking for shelter just a moment before the door is kicked open and they hear Bob roar:

“I saw you, faggot, don’t hide!”

Tyler freezes and looks at Ray with wide eyes, grabbing his shirt in despair. Ray tries really hard not to panic. He is sure Bob is talking about Josh. It means he hasn’t seen them coming in here. He tries to listen really carefully to hear where the bully is going so they can move in the opposite direction.

“You disgusting asshole,” he hears Bryar murmuring to himself with heavy steps moving around between the shelves. Ray takes Tyler’s wrist, even though the boy is paralyzed from the bully being so close to them, and pulls him towards the exit. They can get out, just some moments and they reach the door-

“Gotcha!” Bob yells out triumphantly. Ray stops for a moment before turning around. It came from among the shelves.

“Put the gun down, Bob,” he hears Josh talking, voice shaking.

“Who’s in here with you, fag?” Bryar asks too loudly.

“Nobody,” Josh reassures him convincingly. “I’m alone.”

“You knew I have a gun,” Bob laughs and Ray feels his stomach do a flip. His palm is slick from sweat as he drags Tyler to the door. The boy can’t tear his gaze away from the shelves, even though he can neither see Bryar nor Josh.

“I did. Now put it down,” the conversation goes on as Ray and Tyler reach the door. The brain of the boy with the afro is on fire. They need to find another room, they have to lock themselves in, there is no way they can get to the exit- “You don’t need this. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Stupid?! It’s nothing stupid! I just clean the school of the filthy gay bastards like you!” he yells.

_Bang._

 

Andy hears the loud blow of the gun coming from a storey below them and judged by their expressions, the others do, too.

“Fucking hell,” Frank mumbles with wide eyes, looking at the floor.

“He’s below us,” Spencer whispers in a miserable tone. “What do we do now?”

“We have to get on the ground floor either way,” Patrick says, mainly to himself. “That’s the only way out.”

“The other classes must’ve heard this,” Andy adds. He can’t imagine no one has. “If they get out of the classrooms, Bob might get even madder,” he looks at the others, keeping his voice straight while his head is full of questions. Why did he shoot? _Who_ did he…? It can’t be one of them, can it? Did that person… did they _die_?

“That’s possible,” Joe nods, swallowing thick. “We have to be quick,” he says and starts down the stairs. “Come on, Spence,” he calls the boy who just follows him, leaving Patrick, Frank and Andy on the top of the stairs.

“I feel fucking sick,” Frank mumbles, still standing with his head bowed, clutching the shirt on his stomach.

“You can’t throw up now,” Andy warns him, watching Joe and Spencer rushing down the stairs. “We need to get going, okay? You can vomit once we’re out.”

“He actually… shoot something or- or someone, didn’t you hear?” Frank asks, looking up at him with wide eyes. “I knew he was a mad fucker but this... this’s insane-”

“Yes, we know,” Patrick interrupts him in an impatient voice. “But we have no time to chat about it, let’s go. You need to stop this, you get it? We’re gonna get out, we have to, I’m gonna get you out for your boyf-” he stops and stares at Frank for a moment, like he is sure he shouldn’t have said that.

“What?” the black-haired boy’s head shoots up to look at Trick. He is about to panic but Andy can’t have him panicking.

“Be a man, Iero, we won’t leave you behind either way,” the tattooed boy grabs his upper arm to reassure him. It seems to work. Frank looks at him in the eye for a moment before nodding with determination.

The three of them start rushing down, towards the exit, towards the safety of-

They barely make it to the bottom of the stairs on the first floor.

“Stop!”

The voice is harsh and loud and Andy, Frank and Patrick stop as if they have frozen. The word echoes in the suffocating silence.

“You all come here!” he commands. Andy feels tremor running through his legs and his chest heaving like crazy but he turns around.

Bob looks miserable. He is standing in the middle of the corridor, clothes and hair messy, face flushed and violent-looking. And in his hand, he is holding on to a silver gun. Andy barely takes a glimpse at it. He knows staring at it would just make him more terrified. He needs to stay calm, though.

Frank, apparently, can’t keep it together.

“Jesus, Bob, what the hell are you doing?” he asks in a squeaky voice. He is crying, Andy can tell, even without looking at him. The tattooed boy feels like he needs to keep his eyes fixed on Bryar.

“I’m getting rid of the fags,” Bob exclaims, pointing the gun at them. “Stump, if you get away from the other two, they can go.”

Andy finally tears his eyes away from Bryar to take a perplexed look at Patrick. The strawberry blond boy is staring back at the bully with a hard expression, stepping closer. “No!” Andy yells desperately.

“Oh, you can join him if you wish,” Bob grins at him wickedly and the boy with the tattoos sees the madness in his eyes. Bryar is no longer sane and it might cost all their lives.

“Fucking hell, stop it!” Frank yells at him, tears streaming down his face. “We heard you shoot, okay, you don’t have to prove any-”

“I’m not proving anything, you fucker!” Bob howls back at him. “This whole school is fucking disgusting, with all the gay bastards, I’m fed up! Someone has to do something about it!”

“And you think it’s _you_?” Frank asks him, eyes wide with fear.

“I do!” silence falls on them again as Bryar changes the target from Patrick to Frank. “Oh, and speaking of fags…”

“What?” Frank squeaks, and backs against Andy.

“I’ve heard some _great news_ about you,” Bob tells him, laughing sardonically. “They say you got a boyfriend.”

“No-” Frank tries to speak but his words get stuck in his throat. “I don’t, it’s a lie-”

“You’re a terribly bad liar,” Bryar shakes his head, eyes fixated on Frank as he cocks his head to the side and-

“No!” Patrick yells and moves, pushing Frank to the side.

The gun fires.

Patrick falls to the ground.

 

“As we get out, we go to the police station immediately. They wouldn’t believe us if we just called them, they’d think it’s a prank,” Hayley explains as they are dashing down the ground floor. Pete watches her with awe. She looks like she actually has her shit together ever since Patrick volunteered to get the three guys out.

“And what about the others? Where do we meet them?” Mikey asks, clearly unsure in this whole plan.

“I dunno, we will have time to decide-”

Sounds of rushing footsteps come from the end of the corridor. Pete and Mikey turn to see Joe and Spencer at the foot of the stairs, staring at them with wide eyes. They look like scared rabbits. They are terrified, Pete can see it even from the distance. The two boys look around, searching for something, when they decide on one of the classrooms. They run to the door, tear it up and just as they get in-

There is the sound of a gunshot coming from the floor above them.

“Oh my fucking-!” Pete screams out but immediately covers his mouth. The gunshot is followed by a loud thud and screams coming from the same direction.

It’s Frank and Andy, Pete recognises the voices. He starts panicking. Andy and Frank are screaming, someone got shot, they have to- they _need to get out_ -

He tries to run but can’t move his limbs. He is standing in the middle of the hallway as a statue, hands and knees shaking, lungs deflating.

“Was this-” Mikey asks in a small voice, staring at Pete. He can’t respond, though. It’s a question Mikey knows the answer to anyway.

“Come on,” Hayley tells them in a harsh tone but she has to stare at the direction of the shot for another moment before taking them by the hand and pulling them with herself. Rushing footsteps come from the stairs and Pete just hopes it is either Andy or Frank but he knows it would be too much to hope for.

Hayley, seemingly randomly, decides to go for a door and they soon find themselves in the ground floor bathroom for girls. Pete locks the door behind them carefully, even though he knows Bryar saw – or at least heard – them going in there.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Mikey grabs a handful of his hair, pacing up and down in the bathroom. “And what now?!”

“The windows,” Hayley steps to the wall next to the stalls. She looks around as if looking for something to help them climb up to the windows that are eight feet high on the wall. “You could step on the radiator but then I don’t know how we could-”

Sounds of running steps interrupt her from the other side of the door.

“Shit, come on,” she mumbles, grabbing the still pacing Mikey by the upper arm and helping him climb up the heater. Thanks to his long legs and arms, he pulls himself up on the narrow sill quite quickly and opens the window to the outside. Pete knows they are not quite as high from the outside so Mikey won’t hit himself but he can’t really breathe until he hears Mikey landing on his feet on the other side.

“Open up, jerks!”

Pete jumps as he hears Bryar yell from the door. His voice is hoarse and infuriated and the boy feels his knees go weak. The bully starts kicking the door and the sounds it gives reassure them it won’t hold out for long.

“You go next,” Hayley tells Pete in a rush and pushes him forward.

“What? Why?” Pete asks, even though he does go. He climbs up on the radiator, grabbing a heating pipe tightly with his shaking hands. All he can think about is his boyfriend being safely now out. He is already sitting on the windowsill when he turns to look at Hayley. “Wait, how will you get up here?”

“I won’t,” Hayley tells him bluntly.

“No!” Pete yells out. He can see she tries really hard to stay calm. The banging on the door grows louder and louder and Pete starts panicking. “Fuck, you can’t stay in here, he’ll get in soon-”

“I know,” she responds. “But it’s not me he wants, right?” she asks bitterly, trying to push Pete out of the window.

“Hays-”

“I’m the only hetero in this goddamn gang, remember?” she chuckles, in a way that suggests she is, in fact, scared to death. “He won’t hurt me,” she promises with a short nod, looking at Pete in the eyes. The boy can tell she doubts that herself but-

He feels a hard thug on his shirt from the outside and he falls back, landing on Mikey.

In that moment, the door of the bathroom gives up. Pete and Mikey don’t say a word, they lie flat on the ground as if they still had something to fear when it is only Hayley who-

“You bitch!” the voice filled with hatred echoes through the window to the boys and Pete holds his breath as the sound of grapple come from the other side. Hayley is being pushed against the wall of the windows. “You fucking helped them get out, I’m gonna kill you!”

“Yes, I helped them,” Hayley tells him, a little out of breath and Pete looks at Mikey in the eye who is lying under him with endless fear. What is she doing…? “They’ll get you, Bryar, you won’t get away with this like you did with everything else-”

“Shut up, you dirty whore, shut your mouth!”

_Bang-bang._

Mikey gasps under Pete, open mouth screaming without a word. Silence falls between them as Pete hears Bryar leave the bathroom. Just then, he lets himself bury his face in the taller boy’s neck.

 

The first thing Brendon sees is blood.

For a couple of moments, the only thing he sees is the blood spilled on the floor of the hallway. His stomach drops.

“Patrick!” Ryan screams next to him, filling all his senses with the sound and Bren feels his head swimming.

Patrick is on the floor. In the blood. He is not moving. Andy and Frank are leaning over him.

He is dead.

Ryan leaves his side running but Brendon barely recognises it. He is about to faint.

“Where’s he?” he hears someone screaming and he realises it is him. His voice. Sounds vaguely familiar. He is running too, to the three of them. It is as if his body were controlled by someone else. “Where’s Bryar?” he asks as he stops next to them.

“Ground floor,” Andy mumbles. Frank is lying on Patrick. Patrick’s body. He is crying.

Sounds are coming from the bottom of the stairs. Screams. Brendon nods faintly.

He will find Bryar.

And he will kill him.

He walks down the stairs. One step at a time. He is on the flight between two staircases when-

“Don’t!”

Brendon turns around to see Ryan, reaching out and grabbing his wrist.

“Don’t go down there, fuck, Beebo, are you insane?” Ry asks with a terrified expression, face covered in tears. Brendon comes back to his senses.

“Baby,” he tries but is throat closes up. “I have to- he- Patrick-”

“I can’t lose you!” Ryan stumbles to him and holds him tight. His body is trembling and weak. Bren pushes him away.

“You won’t.”

He needs to stop Bryar.

“I’ll save us.”

He walks down to the ground floor.

A great crowd of students has gathered. Brendon sees the scene. It is Spencer and Bob. The latter is pointing a gun at the other. He is also yelling but Bren hasn’t heard it until now.

“And you fucking wearing lipstick?! You’re ridiculous! Fucking hell! But I don’t care, one more fag is not much.”

_Bang._

Screams. Cries.

Spencer falling to the ground.

“That’s what you get for being a whore! A manwhore!”

A figure jumps out of the crowd. He lands on Bryar. His afro covers his face but Brendon can see he is crying.

Joe is hitting Bryar with everything he has.

The bully is on the ground.

His gun has flown out of his hands.

It is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry


	22. Epilogue - a year later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Andy,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to thank **officialagentwashington** for being my beta for most of this, i swear i didn't mean to be an awful author!! i'm so glad you were here with me for this fic!  
>  i want to thank **gerardwayisafuckinprincess** and **satancries** for being amazing and reading my stuff and encouraging me throughout this whole thing (ily guise)  
>  and obviously, i have to thank you all who took their time and read it, commented and loved this fanfic! you are all awesome!  
> have an amazing christmas, and see you very soon with more fanfictions! <33  
> \- Anise
> 
> p.s. i will take a break from this fic (after the alternate ending is posted) because i have been working on it for literally 6 months (omg i'm impressed with myself and my devotion)  
> but! then i will return to this and refine it so it will be actually as good as you all deserve it to be!

_Dear Andy,_

_I know you’ll probably find it strange that I write an e-mail even though we could Skype, but hey, it’s Christmas or what, we can be a bit classy. I thought you might be interested in the things happening here._

_Dad, Grace, Bren and I are living together. The others are staying here for the holidays, too. We’re still pretty upset that you couldn’t make it home. Ray and Christa have just left, even though Grace insisted on them staying. They are on their way to Mr and Mrs Toro, showing off their engagement rings. They are pretty happy and god knows they deserve it._

_Pete and Mikey staying here, too. They are really close, it’s almost unbelievable. Sometimes Pete still looks awful when it’s about Patrick; he gets attached to people really fast, and he and Trick were quite a duo. Mikey is fortunately here to keep him right and vice versa._

_Frank and Gee moved in together. Gerard had a really good influence on him in this hell. Frank stopped with the drugs, he’s been clear for months now. The depression he has since everything that happened gets better with every day. He has awfully grieved Jamia after her suicide, too, but he is alive and recovering. Gee must be a wizard. Also, Mikey and Frank are slowly getting there, too. Slowly, really slowly._

_Bob is still in jail. I don’t really know anything else about him; the last thing we know is that he got a nineteen-year sentence. Joe told Spencer’s mom, like, three months ago? It was before Joe moved away. I don’t really blame him, without Bob he had no one here who could stand him. Even being the local hero for some weeks didn’t make up for the things he has done before and he knows it._

_Dad and Grace are not planning on getting married. They both say it’s just a paper, they don’t need it. It also makes EVERYTHING easier for me and Brendon. Legally, I mean._

_It’s still not_ easy _, you know?_

_The school was reopened since you left. They made a memorial for the guys. It’s heart-breaking and beautiful. Kinda something Josh would have loved._

_Ty is still broken. He moved in here, dad and Grace decided it was for the best. We can keep an eye on him this way. Not that I don’t trust him, but we know him. I don’t blame him, though. If that had happened to Bren… I have no idea how I would have coped, you know?_

_Spencer’s family has a foundation now. It’s a help organisation for LGBTQ kids, especially for genderqueer ones. They go to high schools and speak with kids about things, trying to stop similar awful things happening elsewhere._

_But most importantly why I’m writing is… are you okay? I know we didn’t really talk when you left, but it wasn’t a secret that you and Hayley wanted to go and learn in the UK together. I’m more than fucking proud of you for still doing it, alone._

_Bren and I go to college here in Vegas. It’s not something I ever planned on doing, you know I wanted to learn music but it is better this way. I can’t have him out of eyesight, I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him when I’m not around._

_He plans for us to visit you in the spring holiday, by the way. You know, he is about to tell the others. Are you okay with it? I mean, I don’t seriously think I could stop them but it were better if I knew for sure it’s okay with you._

_Take care and happy holidays_

_Ryan_


End file.
